Lost & Found
by Ruby Ruby Ruby
Summary: *Repost - Written 2011* Five years ago Freddie and Cook disappeared. Four years ago Effy committed suicide. Three years ago Katie self-destructed in the worst way possible. Now, Emily wants some answers.


**Chapter 1: Emily**

March 2015 (London)

It's the way she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear that gives it away.

Emily has been wrong a thousand times before, finding long hair, brown eyes and bitchy tones everywhere she goes, but this is it. The moment she's been waiting for.

"Katie?"

Katie's head jerks up from the white line laid out on the coffee table. "I…" And then she's gone, racing towards the door in bare feet and an oversized jumper.

Emily follows, shoving her startled coworker out the way as she skids into the corridor. "Katie, stop!"

Katie doesn't, disappearing into a dingy stairwell, and Emily chases after her, taking the stairs two at a time. The exertion leaves her dizzy, but she refuses to give up.

Refuses to fail.

She catches up to Katie on the ground floor, sprinting forward as her sister's steps become more and more frantic. As they near the door Emily grabs Katie's shoulder and slams her into the wall with an unexpected amount of force. Katie's eyes are wide, pupils dilated, and Emily can't help but stare at the stranger in front of her.

After a few seconds, she pulls herself together enough to pin Katie in place with a forearm across her chest, her frontline training being put to good use. She uses her other hand to grab Katie's wrist, lifting it until the loose sleeve slides down her arm.

The marks are deep, punctuated with red, and Emily's eyes burn. She had always known that it was a possibility, Effy and Katie had hardly been discreet in their partying, but fuck it hurts.

Katie remains limp, her silence saying more than words ever could.

Emily drops Katie's wrist and leans back to see as much of her face as she can. "You're coming home." Katie looks away, refusing to meet Emily's gaze. Emily closes her eyes for a second, steeling her nerves, before she steps back, freeing Katie from her hold. "Who's the kid?" Katie's tenses, but says nothing. Emily feels the familiar sting of annoyance and moves back a little further. "Fine, don't tell me. He's now under the care of social services."

Katie's head whips around. "Please don't."

The plea is quiet, so un-Katie like that Emily's stomach knots. But this is a child, her job, and she has no choice but to remove him from a dangerous environment. "I fucking well will. The neighbours have called the police three times."

Katie takes a shaky breath. "I swear, he's safe."

Emily tries to read Katie's expression, but her twin is giving away nothing. "Well you can explain that during your statement."

Katie moves backwards. "No, I can't."

Emily's eyes narrow. "You might be my sister, but you're part of an investigation regarding child neglect and I willbe taking a statement."

"Ems, please…"

Emily latches onto Katie's arm, noticing the flighty look in her eyes. "What's wrong?" Katie glances at the door and Emily tightens her hold. "Katie?"

Katie shakes her head, her eyes suddenly full of tears. Emily's heart pounds painfully in her chest and she just can't do it. Can't be professional when Katie is standing there, looking so fucking broken that Emily feels like she's being ripped in two. It only takes one step before she's able to pull Katie into a hug, the ferocity of it winding them both.

The first thing Emily feels is how thin Katie is.

The second is the way she's shaking, holding onto a handful of Emily's shirt like its the only thing keeping her on her feet.

Emily clutches her sister tightly, feeling, rather that hearing, Katie's silent sobs. "Talk to me Kay." Katie shakes her head against Emily's shoulder and Emily's own eyes tear up. "I can help."

Every muscle in Katie's body tenses and she shoves Emily away from her so violently that her back hits the wall with a resounding thump. Emily blinks, taken aback at the sudden change, but before she can begin to make sense of the look on Katie's face, the lift doors open to reveal Mark and a brown haired boy. Two police officers flank them, sizing up the scene.

The boy's face lights up at the sight of Katie and he moves to run towards her, but Mark is well aware of his intentions and scoops him up into a well practiced hold. "Katie!" His terrified cry makes them all flinch, and despite it being the last thing she wants to do, Emily steps in front of Katie to prevent her from moving to his aid.

Mark gives Emily a questioning look, and it isn't until a police officer moves to grab his weapon that Emily realises that they think she's in trouble. "No, it's okay. She's…okay."

The boy continues to fight as Mark walks towards them and a breath catches in Emily's throat when she notices his eyes. Katie has gone unnaturally still and Emily feels like she's going to throw up.

Nothing makes sense.

Mark is standing in front of her, a wary look on his face, but Emily can't do anything but reach out and take the boy from his arms. He's hot to the touch, tears pouring down his face, and Emily has to remind herself that this is impossible.

She's dead.

She's dead and she took Katie down with her.

Katie lets out a ragged breath and grabs the boy's hand, calming him with their intertwined fingers. "Emily, meet Benjamin Frederick Stonem."

 **Chapter 2: Katie**

March 2015 (London)

Emily successfully convinces the cops to overlook any charges against her sister. Despite what Naomi might say, it pays to have friends in high places.

Her office is cluttered, littered with files, toys and textbooks on custody law. She has a window, but it's tiny, and it's pretty obvious that she's new and putting time in at the shit office on the floor. Normally they would do their investigations in Mark's room, but Emily needs to be on her own turf. Needs to feel grounded enough to interview her own sister.

She wraps Katie in her winter coat and passes her a pair of runners from her gym bag. For a second Emily thinks Katie is going to make a swipe about their orange tone, but she doesn't, simply slips them on and goes back to staring at the floor.

Mark is hovering, doing that thing that people do when they realise they're twins. Emily had explained, as lightly as she could, that Katie had been away for a few years and that Effy Stonem had been an old college mate. They'd tried to move her off the case, but it was Saturday and no one was willing to give up a night at the pub. After a few rounds of telephone tag, their boss had decided that since Katie was just a witness, Mark's presence would be enough to legitimise the paperwork.

Emily sets the tape recorder down on the desk and hits record. "March 21st, 2015. Katie Fitch."

"Katherine." Mark corrects quietly.

"Katherine Fitch." Emily repeats, taking a quick look at her sister. Katie's head only lifts for a split second, but it's enough for Emily to catch a flicker of amusement in her eyes. "Nickname Katie. Interview for case 1132. Benjamin Stonem. Age 3." Emily taps her pen on the table and continues. "How do you know Benjamin, Katie?"

Katie shifts in the chair, pulls Emily's coat further around herself. "I'm his mother."

Emily's pen clatters to the floor. "...what?"

Mark eyes Emily nervously. "Uh, that's a bit of a problem. Bureaucratically."

Katie bites her thumbnail, her eyes still trained on the floor. "Yeah, he's mine. Mine and Tony's."

"But…he's…you're…"

Katie's head snaps up at the accusation in Emily's tone. "He's mine Emily." There's warning in her voice, and the tension in the room skyrockets as the twins stare each other down. After a beat, Emily reaches over and turns off the recording device off. "I can't do this."

Mark glances between them. "Right. I guess I'll go ring Paul."

Emily nods, her eyes still on Katie. "You'd better."

Mark gives Emily one more hesitant look, before he stands up and disappears out the door. Emily counts to five, waiting for him to make it all the way into his office, before she rolls her desk chair forwards and lands in front of Katie. "What the fuck are you playing at? I know you can't have kids."

Katie shies away from Emily's intrusive presence. "He's mine, okay?"

"No, not okay." Emily spits, overcome with frustration. "This isn't some game. These reports go straight to the police."

Katie ignores her and shifts her attention to a picture on Emily's desk. "Jesus. What the fuck did Naomi do to her hair?"

Emily rolls her chair to the left, blocking Katie's view. "Why are you lying to me?"

Katie snorts. "It's not always about you Emily. Some things are bigger than your fucking feelings."

Emily feels the sting of Katie's words, but refuses to fall into the trap. "What's going on Katie?"

Katie shrugs, but Emily's relentless stare is too much to take. "Leave it Em. It doesn't matter."

"Well it's going to. Do you have a birth certificate with your name on it?" After a pause, Katie shakes her head. "Custody papers?" Katie shakes her head again. "Then guess what, they're going to check paternity with a DNA test. A test you're not going to pass." Katie's eyes flash with hurt and Emily softens her tone. "Look, if he's Tony's, we can give him to Tony. Whoever his mother is, she clearly..." Emily trails off at the guilty look on Katie's face.

It disappears as fast as it came, but it still leaves Emily reeling. She knows that none of this adds up. That Ben is three. That Frederick is his middle name. That Katie would only do this for one person other than Emily. "She's alive then." Katie says nothing and Emily jumps out of her chair. "The fuck Katie! Like, what the fuck?" For a second, Emily hopes that Katie's so off her face she's hallucinating. But she's just sitting there, staring up at Emily with this horribly calm expression, and Emily knows it's true. "How could you lie to me about something like this? I thought Effy was dead Katie. Dead. Do you know how guilty I've felt? Do you know how much it hurt when you–"

"You still did it though." Katie cuts in quietly.

"I was protecting you." Emily states through gritted teeth.

"I didn't need protecting."

Emily shoots Katie a look so fierce it might as well have come from their mother. "Katie, look at yourself. This is what she did to you. This is how she dragged you down and turned you into something you're not."

"You don't understand Em." Katie mutters, suddenly pulling back into herself. "You can hate me all you want, but don't put Effy's name in the system. It would undo everything we've done."

"We?" Katie looks away. "No." Emily grabs the arms of Katie's chair. "You don't get to do that. Not to me. Do you know how hard the last three years have been? Do you know how many times I've fallen apart? Convinced that you were dead because I couldn't think of any possible reason why you wouldn't call?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't nearly enough."

"I know."

The tense silence is broken by Mark's footsteps echoing down the hall. He knocks lightly on the doorframe and peaks inside, assessing in the scene in front of him. "Sorry to interrupt…"

"It's okay." Emily assures through a strained smile.

Mark eyes her with concern, but Emily waves him off with a tiny head shake. "Right then. Paul agrees that we should stop here. It's too late to get a court order so Ben will be placed with a foster family for the night."

"You can't do that! He's–"

"Katie." Emily cuts in warningly. Katie shoots her sister a deadly glare, but obediently sits back in her seat.

Mark focuses his attention on Emily. "Paul's going to talk to you about temporary custody arrangements tomorrow. Now that you're a blood relation and all."

Emily sighs. "Yeah, sure."

Mark raises an eyebrow at her morose tone, but Emily doesn't offer up any answers. "You're off call. Tina's taking over."

Emily nods and points to the recorder and case file sitting on her desk. "These are void, right?"

"Yeah."

It's all the confirmation Emily needs to tear up the first two pages of Ben's file. The report on his removal remains, but everything to do with processing Katie is gone. She rewinds the recorder and turns it on to tape over the interview with white noise. She notices Mark's alarmed look. "Don't want them getting confused with the wrong testimony."

After a second, Mark takes the case file from her hand with an affirming nod. "Right." Emily lets out a sigh of relief, thanking him with a smile. Mark returns it as he slips out the door.

"Right." Emily grabs her purse off her desk and turns around. "Let's go home."

 **Chapter 3: Naomi**

March 2015 (London)

The bottle sits there, mocking Naomi. She knows that she's supposed to be working on her thesis. She knows that a third glass of wine would be asking for weak arguments, poor punctuation and one too many political puns in her section headings.

And yet…

Naomi reaches over and tops up her glass. Decides that unless she's chugging it straight from the bottle, she's showing exemplary maturity that deserves to be rewarded. Or something.

Five minutes into Hume, a key sounds in the door. Naomi puts her book down as the doorknob turns.

Emily steps into the flat with a tired smile. "Hey."

"What are you doing home so early?" Naomi takes a sip of wine, then nearly spits it all over herself when Katie appears at Emily's side. "Holy shit."

Katie sighs at Naomi's open mouthed stare and turns to her sister. "I need to use your phone."

"Why?" Emily's tone is hard, and Naomi is instantly aware that this isn't some fuzzy reunion.

"Uh, maybe because I need to tell Effy her son isn't coming home tonight?" Katie snaps, hovering in the open doorway.

This time, Naomi nearly drops her entire glass. "Effy?"

The twins ignore her, lost in their standoff by the door. "Fine. But you're staying here."

Katie grunts and looks around the flat, somehow managing to avoid looking at the picture of the Fitch family on the wall. "For tonight."

"Don't fuck with me Katie, I'm not in the mood." Emily pulls Katie into the living room by the front of her coat and slams the front door shut.

Naomi doesn't know what to make of the scene in front of her. Katie looks nothing like her old self, exhausted and thin, while Emily is practically vibrating with anger. Naomi knows she's never really understood Emily and Katie's relationship. Never made sense of the love hate thing they do so well. But this, after years of Emily chasing dead ends and enduring sleepless nights? After swearing that she would do anything to see her sister? "Ems?"

Emily's eyes remain fixated on Katie. "What?"

"Maybe you should come sit down?" Naomi gestures to the wine bottle. "Have a drink?"

Emily spins around with an incredulous look on her face. "Really not the solution Noams."

Naomi's eyes narrow, none too pleased with Emily's tone, but before she can respond, Katie cuts back in. "Seriously lezzers. A phone?"

After a beat, Emily pulls her mobile out her pocket. "Here."

Katie takes it and waits. When neither Emily nor Naomi say anything, she lets out an annoyed huff. "Ever heard of privacy?"

Emily looks like she's about to burst into tears and Naomi is so fucking confused. "Sure. The bedroom's on the left." Katie walks away without another word.

Emily wipes at her eyes angrily. "Get a clue Naomi. She's off her fucking face."

Naomi blinks. "Come on babe, it can't be that–" Emily's face crumbles so completely that Naomi is instantly aware that, yes, it is exactly that bad. She's halfway across the room by the time the first sob escapes, catching Emily as she sinks to her knees. They end up tangled on the floor, Emily pressing her face into Naomi's shoulder, trying to muffle the sound of her breakdown. "She's here Em. That's what matters."

"Three years Naomi. Three years she let me think Effy was dead. Everything I've been through, everything I thought I had done. And now she's..."

Naomi runs her hand through Emily's hair, brushing it away from her tear soaked face. "We'll sort it." Once Emily is down to sniffing quietly, Naomi leans back to see her face. Her eyes are red and her mascara is smudged, but the anger is gone. Naomi kisses her forehead and pulls her off the floor.

They fall on the couch, just like they always do, with Emily tucked into Naomi's side and Naomi's arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders. Naomi wipes the mascara marks off Emily's face with her sleeve. "If there's anyone Katie will listen to, it's you." Emily shakes her head sadly, her eyes refilling with tears, and Naomi realises words aren't going to be enough. She leans down and presses her lips against Emily's, putting as much love and comfort into it as she can.

The bedroom door swings open and Katie freezes. Emily sighs and pulls back, not leaving Naomi's embrace, but distancing herself enough to invite her sister back into the room.

After a beat, Katie continues, sitting down onto a chair opposite the couch. She looks nervous, her knee bouncing as she inspects their movie collection. "Way to steal my Buffy DVDs."

"It's not like you were using them."

Katie looks up briefly, a troubled expression on her face, before turning back to the display. "Guess not."

The silence turns awkward. Naomi watches Emily watching Katie. After another two minutes, the atmosphere becomes downright unbearable. Naomi kisses the top of Emily's head and stands. "I'll go make us some tea."

Emily opens her mouth to respond but a knock on the door beats her too it. Naomi and Emily exchange a look, sure that none of their friends would come by so late. The knock sounds again and Naomi moves towards the door, checking through their peephole.

"What the…" Naomi yanks the door open and stares at Cook and his ridiculously pink duffel bag.

"Naomikins!" Cook throws the bag to the side, grabs Naomi by the waist, and spins her around in a circle. "Fuck me, you're as fit as ever." Sensing Emily's presence, Cook puts Naomi down, reclaims the bag and strolls into the flat. "Emilio. Love the hair." Cook turns to the third occupant in the room and throws the bag at her feet. "Compliments of the boss."

"Thanks." Katie bends down to check out its contents.

"Anything for you." Katie's head jerks up at the flirty tone, just in time to see Cook lean forward and slam his lips against hers. Two filthy tongue swipes later, he pulls back with a grin. "Hi sweetheart."

Katie snorts. "Hi."

Cook gives her a meaningful look with his back turned to Emily and Naomi, before spinning around and throwing his arms out. "What do you think Ems? Brother-in-law material?"

Emily stares at Cook with something akin to horror.

Naomi sinks down onto the arm of the couch. "Christ."

Katie kicks at his leg. "You have to put a ring on it first. Tosser."

Cook drapes himself over the last free chair. "That thing you do with a condom and your teeth? Totally worth it."

"Well." Naomi comments, not really knowing where to go from there.

Cook tilts his head back and looks around the room. "Nice crib. I'm assuming Katiekins and I get the couch?"

Emily sits up straight. "What? No. You're not staying here."

"That's where you're wrong." Cook's words are light, but there's definite warning underneath. "Katie's my girl. Where she goes, I go. And you told her she has to stay here."

Emily's eyes dart between Cook and her sister. "But that's not…no. No." She turns to Naomi, begging for support.

Naomi gives Cook a pointed look. "Sorry. We're not exactly equipped for guests."

"Katie shum." Three heads turn to Katie but she's only looking at Emily. "Katie shum." Naomi and Cook trade a confused look. "I need him Em. Please?"

Emily bites her lip, seeing the desperation in Katie's eyes. "Fine. But no more drugs." Emily holds Cook's gaze for a beat, measuring his sincerity, before turning back to Katie. "Tired?"

"Yeah." Katie says, sounding it. Emily nods and looks around, noticing Naomi's absence. As if summoned, Naomi reappears, carrying spare blankets and pillows from their closet.

"Big spoon!" Cook yells as he bounces off his chair and lands on the couch, stretching out from arm to arm.

Emily sighs and offers out a hand to Katie. After a slight pause, Katie takes it, allowing Emily to pull her off the chair and into a tight hug.

"Oi! Save some of that for me." Naomi whacks Cook on the head with a pillow. "Easy there."

Emily pulls back from the embrace with a small smile. "I'm going to get a drink. Want anything?" Katie shakes her head and makes her way over to Cook.

"Good night wankers." Naomi calls out as she heads into the bedroom. By the time Emily returns from the kitchen with a glass of milk, Katie is safely snuggled in Cook's arms, the blanket tucked around them both. "Night."

Katie gives Emily a sleepy smile. "Night." Emily disappears into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Cook and Katie stay intertwined for a minute, listening to Emily and Naomi's muffled voices, before rolling opposite directions. "Jesus James, would a breath mint kill you?"

"Hey. That was some good stuff there." Cook pushes Katie out the way as he reaches over to grab the duffel bag off the floor.

Katie sits up, wrapping her arms around her legs. "Hardly Oscar worthy."

Cook unzips the side pocket and riffles around until he finds a unlabelled lip gloss. He pulls out a rectangular mirror and holds both items up in front of her face. "This all you get."

"Yeah, yeah." Katie mutters, snatching them out of his hand.

Cook grabs her wrist before she unscrews the fake bottom. "I'm serious. It's time to start cutting down."

Katie shakes a line of powder onto the mirror then recaps the stick. "Not yet, okay? I cut back too fast last time and… well, we all know how that went." Katie leans down, snorts the line, then turns back to Cook. "I can do this. I know you've heard it before, but this time is different."

Cook takes the lip gloss and mirror out of her hands and repacks them in the bag. "This might be fending off your cravings, but its still addictive. This isn't where we stop Katie."

Katie sighs and lies back down, looking far more relaxed than before. "I know." Cook drops the bag onto the floor and slides in beside her. After a few seconds, Katie rolls over to face him. "Thanks."

Cook shrugs and throws an arm around her waist. "It's what I do."

Katie looks down at his arm. "That wanders and I'll knee you in the balls."

Cook pokes her side. "Come on, you love it."

Katie pokes him back. "Once. But things have changed. And I think my girlfriend might have some things to say about it." Cook makes a whipping gesture and Katie flips him off, before they both settle back into their loose embrace. "Night James."

"Night Kates."

 **Chapter 4: Cook**

March 2015 (London)

Katie notices the knife too late. Catches the shine of metal in Effy's hand a split second before it ends up in Foster's chest. Blood spreads across his shirt and down his arm, spilling out onto the floor beneath him.

Effy is yelling unintelligible things, clutching Freddie's bloody shirt in her hands, while Cook remains unconscious at Katie's feet, his face caked in blood and his breathing weak. Katie picks the abandoned bat up off the floor.

"Elizabeth…" Foster slurs, reaching out towards Effy. She tries to jump back but Foster catches her foot, sending her tumbling down onto the floor.

Katie slams the bat into Foster's shoulder and he releases Effy with a scream of pain. Effy scrambles backwards, slipping in the blood that surrounds them both. Foster follows, lunging towards her with a half dilapidated crawl, and Katie swings again, landing a powerful hit on the side of Foster's head. He groans, faltering slightly, but manages to pull through enough to continue his charge.

Katie raises the bat as high as she can and brings it down. She makes contact with the back of Foster's head, feeling the bone give way, then follows through until the bat is back at her side.

Foster collapses to the ground, face first. His body jerks twice, then goes completely still.

Effy is panting, staring at the pool of blood forming under Foster's head.

Cook calls out Katie's name. "It was just a dream Katie."

Katie starts to panic, each breath getting caught in her throat. Katie knows what Cook is trying to say, but she can't believe him. Not when Foster's body is lying right in front of her. "Whatever you're seeing, it isn't real." Cook shakes her gently, but it's no use, the blood is still everywhere. On everything. "It's over. I promise." Katie holds onto Cook's words. Uses them to remember dragging Cook out onto the lawn. Ransacking Foster's office for their files. Helping Effy douse the house in gasoline.

Cook's eyes come into focus. Older. Katie glances down at her hands. Clean. Looks to her left. Emily.

"Katie?" Emily questions softly, a worried expression on her face.

"I'm alright." Katie's throat is painful, her voice gruff from screaming or crying, or possibility a combination of both. She clears it and tries again. "I'm alright."

Emily places a hand on her arm. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Katie tries to give Emily a reassuring smile.

It doesn't work. "Maybe you should sit down." Katie decides that might be a good idea when there's streaks of red around the room, dark blood dripping down the walls onto the floor. "Katie?" Katie turns back to her sister, forcing herself to concentrate on her face. "What was your dream about?"

Katie glances over Emily's shoulder and the room is back to normal. She needs a hit. Something soon. Something strong. "A monster."

"A monster?" Emily repeats, unsure of whether Katie's being serious or not.

"Yeah." Katie's tone indicates that's all she's going to say on the matter. Noami steps into the picture, dressed in a ridiculous pair of polka dot shorts, and for once, Katie's thrilled she's there to sweep her sister away. "Anyone for a cuppa?"

"Yeah, alright." Cook moves to Naomi's side. "I might even come and help you sort it out."

"Chamomile." Emily requests quietly, her hand moving to rub Katie's back.

"Whatever." Katie mutters, no longer pleased with Naomi and her failure to get Emily out of the room. Katie digs her nails into her palms and tries to keep her eyes from straying to her bag.

Naomi gives Emily's shoulder a quick squeeze then leads Cook into the kitchen. Once they're alone, Naomi goes about boiling the kettle, observing Cook out the corner of her eye. "So what the fuck was that?"

Cook shrugs and slides a stool out from under their breakfast bar. "Nightmare."

Naomi puts the kettle on the stove. "Right." She pulls out four mugs, then turns around to face Cook. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Think you just did." Cook replies with a cheeky grin.

Naomi rolls her eyes and drops tea bags into the mugs. "How do you put up with it?" Off Cook's confused frown, Naomi tries again. "I mean…you're clearly clean. How can you stand by and watch her do that to herself? How can you let her put you through all this?"

"I owe her."

"Why?"

Cook tilts his head, assessing Naomi. After a beat, he leans forward and rests his elbows on the bench. "I wasn't there when I should have been."

Naomi arches an eyebrow. "You mean when you fucked off?"

"Sort of." Cook's runs his hand over the breakfast bar's surface. "We should have stayed together."

Naomi smirks. "You and Katie?"

"And Effy."

Naomi bites her lip, looking Cook up and down. "Okay. I probably don't want the answer to this…but all three of you? Like, at once?"

Cook snorts. "Mind out the gutter Naomi. We were friends, in it together, yeah? I left and they fell apart."

"In what exactly?"

Cook stiffens, kicking himself for forgetting just how smart Naomi was. "Nothing."

"Right. That's a whole lot of nothing all over your face." Cook remains stubbornly silent and Naomi grunts, pulling a container of milk out of the fridge. "Okay, let's try this question then. How did they fall apart? Emily and I saw Katie every Uni break. She was fine. Partying her way around Bristol, but hardly that girl sitting in my living room."

Cook lets out a heavy sigh. "Neither of them will tell me what really happened. All I know is that Effy got in deep with a drug dealer and tried some of her relationship bullshit. It backfired, with his fist, and she showed up at my door two months later. Pregnant." Cook scratches his head. "Katie was mostly there to keep her safe. After Freddie...disappeared, Effy was entirely off the rails. And when Effy left, well, Katie made some seriously fucked up decisions."

"Katie told us Effy killed herself." Naomi states, not without a fair bit of anger.

"Katie thought she did." Cook replies evenly. "Effy faked her death to get away from Sean. Katie had no idea until Sean let it slip that Effy had been pregnant. Katie knew Effy wouldn't have really done it and she showed up at my door." Cook pauses. "But by then…the damage had been done."

Naomi leans against the counter. "Oh."

"Yeah." Cook gives her a sad smile. "She's been trying to get clean. But there's always something knocking her back." Cook glances towards the living room. "Effy thinks it's Emily, you know? Like there's this hole that we can't fill."

Naomi thinks about Emily. About the way she cuts everything she eats in two. About the way she needs someone beside her to fall asleep. About the way she's been half a person since Katie left. "She might be on to something there."

The kettle's whistle goes off and Cook jumps off his stool, effectively ending the conversation. Naomi starts to pour the water into the mugs.

"Katie likes–"

"The milk in first." Naomi tips the cup to show him the bottom. "This ain't my first rodeo." Cook smiles, somewhat bashfully, and Naomi pats his shoulder. "Don't worry, you'll get your balls back someday."

Cook coughs. "What?"

"Love. It really kicks the fucking shit out of you, huh?"

Cook opens his mouth to respond but Naomi is already out the door, toting the tray of drinks like a seasoned pro.

"I'm not in love with her."

Problem is, the words don't even sound true to himself.

 **Chapter 5: Emily**

March 2015 (London)

Katie starts off pretending to be tired, but Emily offers their bed like the chivalrous bitch she is, insisting that everyone else is too wide awake to sleep. Soon Katie moves on to faking nausea, but it isn't much use sitting on the floor of the toilet when the drugs are all the way out there in her bag. So then she tries asking for a sweater. Then a sandwich. Then a magazine. But it's a small flat, and Emily and Naomi are playing a ridiculously obvious game of tag, all but high fiving each other as they take turns switching in and out of the room.

Katie knows that her nose is running all over the place, and with Naomi sitting right there beside her, it's taking everything she has to hide the tremors running through her body. Emily has already told her off for biting her nails until they bleed, and if the pounding in her head gets any worse, she really is going to scream. That fucking nightmare put her completely on edge, like she's back there in that house, and if only she could shake Cook off and find–

Katie sits up. No. No. Naomi's prattling on about some carbon credit scheme but Emily's eyes flick towards her sister, sensing her distress. Cook notices Emily's concerned gaze and turns around. "Katie? What's wrong?"

"I need Effy." Katie means to tell Cook, but actually ends up saying it to Emily.

Cook furrows his brow. "Now?"

"Now." Katie doesn't know what it is that gives her away, but Emily's expression turns from confused to understanding in a heartbeat.

"Let's go."

Cook observes silently, but Naomi is staring at her girlfriend like she's gone insane. "Uh, Ems…what happened to what we talked about?"

Emily is already off her chair, searching for her keys by the door. "This is different." Naomi isn't convinced, but knows better than to interject herself into a Fitch family drama. Katie glances at the couple as she pockets a jar of moisturizer with a double bottom and another fake lip gloss. Emily pulls out a spare coat for Katie and leans down to kiss Naomi goodbye. "Trust me." Katie re-zips her bag and stands up, pausing when she catches Cook looking straight at her. He's predictably unhappy with her stash, but there's nothing he can say without giving them both away.

Katie walks to the door and accepts the coat Emily passes her, refusing to meet his eye. Emily gives Cook and Naomi a small wave then follows her sister out the flat. It isn't until they're driving down the road that Emily can put everything she's feeling into words.

"I trusted you."

Katie leans back in her seat with a frustrated sigh. "What?"

Emily's hands tighten on the steering wheel. "I asked you if you were fucking her. Twice. And you said no."

"Oh." Katie glances at Emily. "That. I wasn't. Not then."

"So what? You and Effy run away and then get together? What fucking sense does that make? She ruined your life Katie."

"I ruined hers just as much." Katie presses her forehead against the cold window, the movement of the car sending her stomach into a tailspin. "I don't know, it just happened. I was fucking around with Cook, she was falling apart over Ben. We just…we get each other, yeah? She knows what it's like to be…this, and I know what it's like to have to hold everything together."

"I know what it's like for Pandora to take accelerated classes, doesn't mean I'm fucking her."

Katie jerks up. "We're not just fucking Emily. We have a kid. We have a life."

"Some life." Emily mutters, joining the M25 with a bit more gas than necessary.

Katie turns back to her window."If you hate her so much, why are you even doing this?"

"Because I would need Naomi."

Katie's head whips round. "Effy and I are nothing like you and Naomi."

Emily's mouth twitches, somewhat at Katie's words, but mostly at the flash of old Katie shining through. "Right. Well, if she's able to stop you looking like you're about to having a fucking breakdown, I'll deal." Emily takes the next exit, navigating the streets like a pro. "How long have you been living here?" Camberwell and Peckham had been her districts for six months, and although it wasn't exactly probable, she felt like she would have run into Katie, Cook or Effy sometime before last night. Or at least had some kind of feeling that she was working a mere block from her sister.

"A couple weeks.

"Where were you before?"

"Around." Emily gives Katie an unimpressed look. "Skye. Glasgow. Manchester. Derby. Portsmouth. Leicester. Brixham. Reading."

Emily wants to ask more, but they're a street away from the flat and she's suddenly realising that she's going to see Effy for the first time since that awful night. Emily pulls up in front of the building, taking in the half vandalised playground next door, and shifts into park. Katie moves to get out but Emily grabs her shoulder and holds her in place. "I just want…fuck it." Emily unbuckles her seat belt and spins so she's facing Katie head on. "It's me Katie. Me. I don't care what you've done. I don't care who you're with. I just want you happy, and if Effy's what it takes, then fine." Emily searches Katie's face for some kind of understanding. "But I won't stand by and let you kill yourself. Not for her. Not for anyone."

"Emily…"

"No, let me finish. I know you. I know that you're hiding things from me. I know that you're trying to fight this. And I know that you're failing. I'm not going to break if you tell me you're having cravings, or hallucinating, or going through the shakes for fuck sakes. I already see it. I already feel it, so stop treating me like I'm mum. I'm not here to yell at you, I just want to help."

Katie swallows, resisting the urge to throw herself into Emily's arms. It isn't safe. Not when Sean is on a mission to destroy everything that matters to her. When it becomes apparent that Katie isn't going to respond, Emily releases her shoulder with a sigh. "Just know that you can tell me anything, okay?" Emily gives Katie a weak smile before opening her door. "Come on then. I can't wait to see you kiss a girl."

Katie sighs, but there's a certain lightness to it, and Emily decides her sister might have been listening after all. They take the lift up to the 9th floor, and despite its worn down interior, the building is actually pretty nice. Certainly one of the best in the area.

Katie doesn't have her keys on her, having fled the flat so abruptly, so she has no choice but to pound on the door as hard as she can. Emily raises an eyebrow and Katie shrugs. "Effy sleeps like a rock. Sleeping pills." Emily frowns and Katie corrects herself. "Prescribed sleeping pills."

The door swings open and Effy staggers into view, wearing an oversized shirt and some serious bed head. "What's wrong? Why are you here? Is Ben okay?"

Emily doesn't think she's ever seen Effy look so frazzled. "He's fine." Katie assures as she slides past Effy and disappears into the flat.

"Nice to see you're alive." Emily can't quite mask the bitterness in her voice.

Effy takes it in, the way she always does. "Is it?"

Emily's eyes narrow. "Yes."

Effy holds Emily gaze for an uncomfortable beat then throws the door open, walking away without a word. Emily follows and tenses when Katie is nowhere to be seen.

"Toilet." Effy explains as she rights two plastic chairs in the middle of the room. Emily stands in the doorway, glancing between Effy and the closed door. "Knock if you want, she's not going to let you in." Effy's words are casual, but there's something about the way she runs her hand through her hair that makes Emily suspect she's talking from experience. Effy swings her legs over the side of a chair and reaches down to grab a packet of fags from the floor. "So why are you here?"

Emily takes in the destruction around the room. The police had really done a number on the place. Emily didn't see the after effects of most raids, but this felt different. This felt personal. "Katie wanted to see you."

"Oh." Effy sounds as unaffected as ever and Emily's jaw clenches. This is who Katie left her for? This is the life she'd do anything to protect? "Do you even care?" Effy's only response is to light a cigarette. "She's risking everything to be with you. She's lying to the police. She's trying to get custody of your son. And you can't even be bothered to ask if she's okay?"

Effy takes a long drag off her fag. "Pretty hypocritical coming from you don't you think?"

"Excuse me?" Effy blows smoke out her mouth, entirely immune to Emily's ferocious glare. "For your information, I've spent every fucking day of the last three years caring about Katie. Worrying about who she was with and what she was doing."

Effy drops her half finished fag into a beer bottle. "Shame about the months before that though, huh? When she disappeared for days and no one noticed. When she burned through her entire life savings and started doing whatever it took to get a hit. When she showed up at my door with three months of fucking track marks."

"Because you supposedly killed yourself!" Emily snaps back heatedly.

Effy throws the pack of fags at Emily and stands up. "You told me to fuck off and I did. Left her alone because I thought you could fix her in a way I never could." Effy points to the door. "Do you know what she looked like when she got here? Do you know how many times I've almost lost her because the words I'll never leave you mean nothing to her anymore?" Effy turns away, picking up one of Ben's trains off the floor. "I get that you had your own life at uni. I get that you were so fucking in love with Naomi that you forgot about everything else. But it was months Emily. Months. What the fuck were you doing? How could you not have noticed what was going on?" Effy turns back around. "I know exactly why Katie is here. Because she had a nightmare. Because she's desperate for a fix. While you were out there living your life, I was here shoving charcoal down her throat. Watching Cook hold her down. Listening to her cry out for you in the middle of the night." Effy stares straight at Emily. "So remind me, which one of us is the one who doesn't care?"

Emily tries to respond, tries to defend herself, but Effy's already gone, disappearing into the bedroom without a glance back. After a long pause, Emily pulls out a fag and lights it with a shaky hand, well aware of the tears threatening to pour out of her eyes.

That night will be with Emily as long as she lives. Every single moment of that party burned into her brain for fucking eternity. Katie tripping out in the bathroom, one breath away from drowning herself in a bath. Effy laughing with some boy, oblivious to the destruction she had nearly caused. Naomi holding Emily back as she clawed at Effy's face, screaming at her to stay away from her sister. Screaming that Effy was toxic. Screaming that Effy should just fuck off and die before she could ruin any more lives.

24 hours later, Effy had driven her mother's car into the harbour, Katie was hyperventilating so much that their mother had to call an ambulance and Emily was responsible for ending someone's life. Nearly ten months to the day, Katie taped a note to Naomi's door and disappeared in the middle of the night. The words 'take care of her' had never seemed so ominous, and it was only after they'd contacted the police, who told them Katie was 20 and allowed to live wherever she liked, that Emily and their mother figured out that no one had seen her in three weeks. Emily had assumed Katie was staying with their parents and her parents had assumed Katie was living with her. There were huge blocks of time unaccounted for. Clubs that recognized Katie's picture but refused to tell Emily and Naomi anything about the people she'd been with. Disconnected numbers in the call history of the mobile she'd left behind.

Naomi wanted to defer her third year at Goldsmith, but Emily didn't let her, insisting that they both had to focus on the future. And Emily did. She switched from psychology to social work and put everything she had into trying to get past her guilt. Into trying to help the other Effys of the world. She took extra classes, stayed on through two summers, earned a double credit work placement. Anything and everything to forget about the Katie shaped hole in her life. She graduated six months earlier than everyone else in her year and took a frontline position in a notoriously bad zone, just to have a job to keep her busy. But to everyone's surprise, she actually enjoyed it. Seeing the love and loss in other people's lives reminded Emily to value her own. She had her brother, she had her parents, she had Naomi. It wasn't perfect, and it never would be without her sister by her side, but it was hers. And she was finally starting to believe that she deserved to be happy.

It figured that Effy would be the one to fuck it all up.

 **Chapter 6: Effy**

March 2015 (London)

Effy notices the blinking light on her blackberry four messages in. It had been left on silent out of habit, Ben was a notoriously light sleeper, always desperate to get in on the action, and Cook had been surprisingly successful at keeping track of Katie since the last move.

Effy snatches the phone off the bedside table and types in her password, always mindful of the personal details contained within, and scrolls through Cook's worried text messages. She types a quick on it response and turns the ringer back on. She'd known that Katie was topping up in the bathroom, but she didn't think Cook would be stupid enough to let her get her hands on everything at once. Not that it was a dangerous amount, they'd both made sure of that, but it was a serious warning sign that Katie was about to crash.

Effy ignores Emily's glare as she re-enters the hall and knocks on the bathroom door. "Katie?" A muffled noise sounds through the wood and Effy knocks again. "I need in there." Katie mutters something that Effy can't make out and she regrets not putting the time aside to disable the locks throughout the flat. Between Katie and a mischievous three year old, closed doors were not something any of them needed, and the concept of privacy had been lost somewhere amongst sharing rooms, bad nights and a series of revolving hook ups. "Come on Katie. I need to see you."

There's some banging and rustling inside, then Katie rips the door open with an annoyed glare. "What?"

In one smooth move, Effy shoves Katie backwards, steps into the bathroom and kicks the door shut behind her. Katie opens her mouth to complain but Effy's already there, shutting her up with a fierce kiss that lands her against the counter. Katie gives as good as she gets and Effy's hand starts to wander, trailing up Katie's thigh, across her stomach and then down onto her ass. Finding what she wants, Effy lifts the empty lipstick container from Katie's back pocket and bites down on her lip.

Katie pulls away from the kiss with a grunt. "Ow."

Effy looks her over. "Where's the rest?"

Katie reaches behind a box of plasters and presses the moisturizer jar into Effy's hand. "I didn't touch it." Effy nods and puts it in the cupboard above Katie's head.

There's no need to check. Katie has always been honest with Effy about her habits. It was something that dated back to Effy's own dark days, when Katie insisted that she didn't care what Effy did as long as she told her about it. As long as she let Katie stay at her side. It wasn't the easiest thing, verbalising the way her mind betrayed her, acknowledging the things she was capable of, but after everything she'd been through with Katie there wasn't much left to hide. But that didn't mean that Effy made it easy, there were countless fights, another trip to the psych ward, two suicide attempts and more drugs than anyone could handle. But somehow Katie always came back. Always forgave Effy for being the person she was. And after a while, Effy realised that she cared. What Katie thought. What Katie felt. What Katie could be. Effy hadn't cared like that since Tony was hit by the bus. Since she'd burnt herself by caring too much.

So naturally, Effy drowned herself further. Katie disliked Sean from the moment she met him, insisting that he was a prick, but Effy was determined to shag her feelings away. What she didn't intend was his fist in her stomach, his hands pinning her to the bed and the fear and helplessness that overtook her body. Her silence, her defenses, her refusal to care about anything had done nothing when she needed them the most, and for the first time, Effy found out she wasn't invincible. No amount of pretending could prevent her from being afraid. No amount of denial could stop her from feeling the emotions she'd been hiding from her whole life.

Sean didn't let up and Effy had very little ground to stand on. Not when he knew about Foster. Not when she accidentally threw up in front of him and he threatened to turn Katie into the police. By then, Effy could see the toll everything was taking on her best friend. The way Katie's face fell when Effy announced she was going out of the night. The extra shifts at the pub. The deafening silence from the most talkative girl in the world. But Effy didn't know what to do. Katie would go ballistic if Effy told her about Sean, and as fierce as Katie Fitch might be, she was no match for a drug dealer with a gang of eight to do his bidding. Effy tried put some distance between them, but like always, Katie refused to let her go.

Ironically, it was Sean that provided her with the solution. Unbeknownst to Effy, he slipped Katie a shitload of bad pills at a Christmas party Emily and Naomi had dragged them to. Katie didn't touch many drugs back then, but there had been an awful tension between Katie and Effy all week, and Effy supposed she was just trying to let go.

It wasn't until Emily was screaming in her face that Effy knew what was going on, and then, it wasn't until Sean's half hearted explanation about protecting the baby that she realised that it was no accident. As she watched Emily lead a wet and pale Katie out of the party, everything snapped into place. Katie would be safe. Sean would be gone. And her baby would be nothing like its father. The mechanics of dumping the car in the harbour were pretty simple, middle of the night, windows open and gear shift in neutral. She'd made sure to throw her jacket in the water and an empty bottle on the road.

What she hadn't planned for was Katie hooking up with Sean. Katie dealing drugs out of his clubs. Katie marrying the bastard.

A long time before, back when the police were circling and Cook had no choice but to leave, Katie had asked him where he would go. The Isle of Skye seemed like an unusual answer, but somehow, the idea of Cook living a more peaceful version of the life he'd wanted with his father suited the man the boy had grown to be. Effy found him exactly where he said he'd be, living a quiet life of fishing, pints and Gaelic girls, and he welcomed her with open arms. They fucked on occasion, but mostly lived as friends. Cook ruffled her hair when she flirted free pints out of their local bartender, Effy earned some serious cash with the bets she'd made about the married women Cook could get into his bed, and somehow, they both felt a lot less lonely in a life they hadn't exactly chosen for themselves.

Katie leans back against the counter and Effy moves in, sliding her hands up the back of Katie's shirt. She can't help but worry about the heat radiating off Katie's skin. "This isn't working." Effy wishes it could be a question, but she can see the way Katie is grinding her teeth. The sweat on her brow. The pain in her eyes. Cook had always been about the substitution route, giving Katie confidence, rewarding her self-control with brief highs, but Effy knew better. Katie didn't get high for enjoyment, she did it to forget. "What do you need?"

"A distraction." Effy nods. Distractions were good. Distractions meant Katie was still trying to fight. Sometimes Effy would use sex, sometimes a movie, sometimes a spliff in the park. But her best weapon would always be Ben, his innocence meaning more to Katie than anything else could. "I yelled at your sister."

Katie's eyes widen. "What? Why?"

Effy shrugs. "She told me I didn't care about you."

"I'd forgotten what a judgmental bitch she can be." Effy raises an eyebrow and Katie rolls her eyes at herself. "Yeah yeah. Blame my mother."

"I do." Effy replies, no longer amused.

Katie rests her head back against the cupboards. "Babe, you've got to let this go." Effy remains stubbornly silent and Katie pokes her side. "You're mothering again."

"Fuck off."

Katie grabs the front of Effy's shirt before she can pull away. "Hey, it's cute, and I definitely like having you on my side. But Emily didn't do anything wrong. I pushed her away and she deserved her life, especially after all the shit I put her through."

"She's still on my hit list."

Katie leans up and gives Effy a lingering kiss. "And I love you for that. But Emily isn't to blame."

"Mmm." Effy mutters skeptically, looking a million miles away.

"I mean it. She's already upset, don't make it worse." Effy's hands drop out of Katie's shirt. "Don't." Katie warns, feeling Effy stepping back. "I abandoned her, okay? No matter how far apart we were, that's still the worst thing I ever could have done." Effy looks away and Katie sighs. "Come on Ef, I didn't mean it like that. She's my sister. I know she can be a right twat, but she's just looking out for me. It's what we do." Effy nods, but there's nothing happy about the expression on her face. "What?" Katie questions, picking up on Effy's decidedly somber mood.

After a long pause, Effy moves back in and slides her arms around Katie's waist. "Nothing." Katie's defense of Emily isn't unexpected, but it stings, it shows Effy exactly where her loyalties still lie.

Katie sighs as Effy leans into her a little too heavily, her body saying things that she won't ever form into words. "I'm not going anywhere Effy."

Effy takes a deep breath then pulls away. "Think you can sleep?"

"No." Katie's answer is absolute and very indicative of her mental state.

"Okay." Effy reaches out for Katie's hand and opens the bathroom door, half expecting Emily to have her ear pressed against it on the other side. But she's still sitting in the middle of the living room, a blank expression on her face as she watches them walk down the hall. Effy leads Katie into their bedroom and sits her down on what remains of the mattress. "I'll be back."

Katie nods as Effy and Emily pass each other in the bedroom doorway, neither of them acknowledging the other's presence. Emily steps over the clothes scattered across the floor and joins Katie on the bed, sitting much farther away than she usually would. Katie sighs and slides closer, stopping when she's pressed against Emily's side. "It had nothing to do with you Ems. Things happened, things I didn't tell you about, and I needed to get away."

"Things like what?"

Katie leans her head on Emily's shoulder. "I'll tell you later. Everything is a bit much right now." Emily glances over the waver in Katie's voice. "You wanted to know when I was having cravings, right?"

"Oh. Yeah." Emily inspects Katie's face. "Bad?"

"The worst."

Effy reappears in the room, a glass of water in her hand. "Here." Effy crouches in front of Katie and presses a pile of pills into her hand.

"Hey. No." Emily tries to snatch them away, but Effy knocks her hand back.

"It's fine."

"Effy!" Emily reaches out again, but Effy intercepts her hand and holds it hostage. "For fuck sakes. She clearly doesn't need more pills."

Effy passes Katie the glass of water before turning to Emily. "They're safe."

"Look at the state of her." Emily spits through gritted teeth, trying to yank her hand free.

"Well, it's this or searching alleyways." Effy watches as Katie downs the pills. "And I sure know which one I prefer." Once she's certain Katie's finished, Effy releases Emily's hand and steps back.

Emily glares. "Drugs aren't the answer."

"Well when you find a better one, you let me know." Effy states, irritation slipping into her voice. "It is a mix of Valium, Xanax and Codeine. All reasonable dosages."

"How about you both stop talking about me like I'm not here?" Katie glares at them both. "I get that you're concerned, but christ, I'm not some invalid. Neither of you get to tell me what to do."

After a tense pause, Effy leans down and gives Katie an apologetic kiss, making it last just long enough for a pained look to cross Emily's face. Effy pulls back, grabs the empty glass out of Katie's hand and moves towards the door. "I'll sleep on the couch."

"You don't have–" Emily stops at Effy's withering look.

"You need some time together."

Emily frowns at Effy's annoyed tone but Katie gives her a pleased smile. "Thanks babe."

"No problem Kitty Kat."

Emily looks like she doesn't know whether to laugh or puke at the pet name. Katie rolls her eyes as Effy disappears out the door. "She's kidding. Ben had a phase. I was Kitty Kat and Cook was Cook-doo-doo. Guess which one of us liked their name more?"

Emily laughs as she crawls up the bed. "What was Effy?"

"Mum." Katie answers like it's obvious.

"Oh. Right." Emily moves to get under the blankets and pauses. "I hope these are clean."

Katie snorts. "Our three year old son sleeps between us. Do you really think we have the opportunity to break out the sex toys?"

"That's weird."

Katie squints. "Christ Emily, you're a terrible lesbian."

"Ugh, not that. I mean you calling Ben your son."

"Oh." Katie kicks off her jeans and moves into the bed, feeling the effects of her drugs kicking in. "I told you that at your office."

"Yeah, but I didn't actually think you meant it. Mean it."

"Well I do." Katie replies firmly, sliding under the covers.

Emily rests her head beside Katie's. "Then I guess I'm officially an aunt."

After a beat, Katie rolls onto her side and intertwines their feet like they used to do when they were little. "Yeah, I guess you are."

 **Chapter 7: Ben**

 _February 2012 (Skye)_

 _Effy wasn't much a screamer, even when Cook put the effort in, but she certainly had a set of pipes on her. The whole thing unfolded so quickly. A night out at the local to distract Effy from the footballer in her stomach, her disappearing to the toilets with indigestion, then two minutes later, Mr. McGinnis running towards him saying that he best get himself in there before the baby was born._

 _Effy was squeezing the fuck out of his hand as she groaned her way through another set of contractions. The protector in him wanted to reach down and yank the baby out, putting an end to all of Effy's suffering. The man in him wanted to run out the room, scull several pints and permanently repress what he'd seen when he walked into the room by her feet._

 _Allister McAllister was doing a truly terrible rendition of 'Highway to Hell' on the karaoke stage when Mrs. McGinnis gave Effy a signal to push. Effy looked to Cook, terror written all over her face._

 _"Come on Stonem. Gotta finish the list, yeah? Sex in school. Drugs. Birth."_

 _Effy let out a pained grunt. "Prick."_

 _"You started it." Cook added a second hand to Effy's and gave a hard squeeze. "So let's do this. I can't wait to be free of your pregnant bitching."_

 _"Fuck." Effy hissed through gritted teeth as she started to push. "You."_

 _"Come on dear. Almost there." Mrs. McGinnis coached as she reached down between Effy's legs. Cook watched with his heart hammering in his chest. What if the baby couldn't breathe? What if Effy started hemorrhaging? What if –_

 _A cry sounded out in the room and Effy slumped against the wall. Without warning, Mrs. McGinnis dumped the screaming baby into his arms and moved back down to help Effy deliver the placenta. Cook looked down at the wriggling thing, covered in blood and slime, and felt an embarrassing wave of emotion overcome him. As abruptly as before, Mrs. McGinnis snatched the baby away, deposited him on Effy's chest and offered up a kitchen knife for Cook to cut the cord attached to the placenta she now had in her possession._

 _Cook turned to Effy, unsure of what to do, but she only had eyes for the tiny baby staring up at her, his cries quieting as he recognised the familiarity of his mother. Cook placed a gentle hand on Effy's shoulder and she turned towards him, looking sweaty and pale. "Do you want me to…" Cook gestured to the knife in his hand._

 _Effy's eyes darkened, the memory of another knife flashing through her mind, but the baby squirmed on her chest and she was brought back into the moment. "Yeah." Effy cleared her hoarse throat. "Please."_

 _Cook nodded and sliced through the cord, leaving the tying up to Mrs. McGinnis. Effy looked so exhausted, so dazed, so nothing like her usual self that Cook slid down the wall and wrapped his arms around her and the baby, keeping them both upright. The position was far more intimate than anything they'd ever done but it felt right, it felt like the way a baby was supposed to be brought into the world._

 _"I fucking love you."_

 _Effy lifted her head, panicked by Cook's words, but he was looking past her to the sleeping baby. After everything that happened between them, she never expected to see what she did on his face. He was no boy in love with a fantasy. He was no man trying to be a hero. He was James Cook loving her as fiercely as he loved Freddie and JJ. Not because of what she did to men, or because he was obligated to, or even because of the terrifying future they faced together. He loved her because she Effy and he was Cook and no one else could ever understand how they'd came to be._

 _Effy relaxed, allowing Cook to support her weight as they stared down at this little thing she couldn't believe was hers. "Okay."_

 _April 2012 (Skye)_

 _It turned out that motherhood was hard. There had been so much planning going into Effy's escape from Sean, masking their identities and getting through the pregnancy that she sort of overlooked the fact that she'd have a fucking baby to look after._

 _One that cried, and ate, and shat in an endless cycle of irregularity. All she wanted was ten minutes sleep. Or a bottle of absinthe. But of course, that wasn't allowed when she was breastfeeding. Nothing was allowed when she was breastfeeding._

 _Cook was some kind of baby whisperer, changing nappies and testing water temperatures on his wrist like it was the most natural thing in the world. He told her that it was just practice with taking care of his baby brother, but Effy wasn't convinced. Not when her own skills hadn't improved in the two months she'd supposedly been a mother._

 _If she didn't know for a fact that both of her parents were incapable of raising a child, or that Tony would create the next greatest dictator, she would have thrown Ben at them in a second. All her life, she'd been worried about having a child because of who she was. The things she thought and the way she acted. If only she'd known that morals meant shit all when she wasn't even capable of helping the poor kid pass gas._

 _Effy loved Ben. Wholly. Truly. Deeply. But it wasn't working._

 _His cries reverberated around their small house for the seventh time that morning. Cook was down at the docks unloading a shipment from Norway and Effy was one second away from calling him home. Despite how pathetic that made her. Despite the fact that they barely had enough money to buy bread._

 _Effy walked into the bedroom and picked Ben up out of the bassinet. He sunk into her shoulder like a dead weight, equally as exhausted as she was. She just couldn't understand why he kept waking himself up. She'd changed him, feed him, burped him and rocked him to sleep more times than she could count. But every time she put him down, he'd wake up screaming. He spat out the dummy she offered him, threw a fit when she tried to put socks on his feet and clearly despised anything to do with a pram._

 _Effy sunk down onto the rocking chair and wrapped Ben in a blanket from their bed. The house could be drafty and Effy hated to think that he was cold, but the action only seemed to make him scream more. Effy sighed and peeled it back off, popping open the first few buttons of his onsie. He was hot, but not to a fevered degree._

 _"Help me out here Freds." Effy wasn't sure if she was talking to Ben or Freddie, but at that moment, she didn't have the energy to care. Ben's cries lessened, somewhat, but he was nowhere near settled. "Okay, let's try a change. Again." Effy carted him off the change table, stripping him down to his nappy. Effy pulled it off, noting with a sigh that it was hardly damp. Ben quietened as he watched her move around._

 _Effy grabbed a clean nappy off the shelf and looked down at her son. "Well if you're really that choosey about staying dry, we've got a problem." Effy lifted his legs and slide the clean nappy under him, moving to attach the velco pads. Ben started right back up again. Effy groaned and pulled back, letting the nappy fall away. "What? What do you want?"_

 _Ben's lip quivered as his tears died back down. Effy eyed him warily and moved to do the nappy back up. Ben wailed. "Oh for the love of…" Effy scoped him up without a nappy and collapsed in the middle of the bed, placing Ben on his back beside her. He wriggled around on the duvet and stayed quiet._

 _Effy stared, completely lost but not wanting to compromise whatever just happened. "Right…so, go to sleep." She reached over and pulled a sheet over him before he could get cold. Ben opened his mouth and Effy ripped it right off, wanting to avoid more tears at all costs. "Okay, okay! I'm sorry!"_

 _Ben settled back down and Effy cautiously reached out to stroke his baby soft hair. This time, he relaxed under her touch, stretching his little legs out with a contented sigh. At the blissful look on his face, Effy's eyes widened. "You little shit." Effy bit her lip to hold the laughter that threatened to bubble out, lest she shake the bed and ruin Ben's heavy lidded calmness. "You just want to be naked." Ben blinked up at her, his blue eyes shining, and Effy couldn't help but smile. "Guess there's no use disputing you're mine now." Ben's eyes soon slid closed under her rhythmic head strokes, his mouth going into his customary sucking motions. Effy snorted with newfound realisation. Of course Ben wouldn't take a dummy. Not when he knew it wasn't the real thing. Not when he could manipulate her into letting him fall asleep at her breast. He was far too smart. Far too knowing. Far too sure of what he wanted._

 _For once, Effy Stonem had met her match._

 _November 2012 (Manchester)_

 _Katie rolled over and groaned. Last night was a total blur. She remembered fucking Cook in the shower, dancing at the club, their fight…then possibly Mark? Maybe Paul? She shifted her arm and felt her bruised vein throb. Fuck, Cook was going to be pissed._

 _The sunlight streaming into the room was far too fucking bright, even if this flat was much nicer than the one they had in Leicester. Cook and her even had their own bedroom, not that he used to much, forever storming off to bunk up with Effy. If Katie hadn't witnessed it with her own eyes, she would never have believed that James Cook and Effy Stonem could sleep in the same bed and not fuck. She wasn't sure if she believed Cook when he said that they hadn't slept together since Ben was born, but she was entirely certain that nothing was going on now._

 _Ben started crying and Katie's head pounded with a whole new level of agony. She yanked a pillow over her ears and waited for Effy to go get him. After a couple seconds, Ben started crying harder and Katie peaked out from under the corner of the pillow, listening for the sound of footsteps. "Effy!" Katie winced as her own voice sent searing pain into her head. "EFFY!"_

 _Nothing._

 _Katie frowned and pushed herself onto an elbow. It was very usual for Effy to be out before Ben woke up, but not unheard of if Cook was taking the day off. "James!" Katie didn't care if he was mad, there was no reason to subject Ben to this just to make Katie suffer. "Fuck, I get it. Go get him already!"_

 _Cook didn't and Katie dragged herself off the bed, fully intending to smack him one for being an insensitive wanker. But the living room was empty. It was a whole new low if Cook was actually sitting in the bedroom with Ben waiting for her to show up. Katie threw the door open, ready to strike, and found no one but Ben staring back at her._

 _Katie looked over her shoulder in confusion, the bathroom was empty and the kitchen cleared, but there was no possible way that she would be left alone. Not when she'd made it very clear that Ben needed to be kept far away from her. Katie didn't trust herself, on or off the drugs, and there was no reason to expose an innocent little boy to her disaster of a life. She had to put a lot of effort into living apart from Ben since she'd met him two months ago. She hid out in her room during the day, making sure to only cross paths with Effy and Ben on her way to the bathroom, and went out every night, with or without Cook to keep her company. If she'd scored, she always found somewhere else to crash, knowing that her nightmares could be disturbingly loud. She enjoyed buying Ben toys, but she always gave them to Cook to give away, fearing that Ben would start searching for her like he went looking for Cook. It was enough watching from afar, seeing the way Ben copied Effy's actions, whether she wanted him to or not, watching the way Cook wrestled with him on the floor, knowing that this little boy was going to be the best parts of two people she loved._

 _Ben reached out towards her, tears streaming down his face, and Katie's mind started to race with horrible possibilities. It had been three and a half weeks since Sean's unannounced visit, and none of them felt safe. Effy had finally come clean to Cook about everything that had happened, and after two days of raging on her behalf, he'd taken to following Katie and Effy around like some ridiculous undercover bodyguard. It would have been funny if he wasn't so serious about the whole thing, carrying their gun with him wherever they went._

 _Katie moved forward and lifted Ben out of his crib, needing to make sure he was alright. Ben pressed his face into her chest, sleepy, but entirely unharmed, and Katie hugged him in confusion. There was no way Sean would show up and leave her and Ben behind._

 _Katie shifted Ben to her hip and did a through sweep of the flat. A handwritten note lay on the kitchen table._

 _Be back at 10. Good luck. XOXO._

 _Katie stared at the note in horror, the first four words written by Cook and the rest by Effy. The assholes set her up. Her head hurt and her stomach was cramping, the last thing she wanted to do was take care of a nine month old baby._

 _Katie scrunched up the note and stormed towards the phone, ready to give them both a piece of her mind, when Ben launched himself out of her arms. Katie scrambled to catch him, hauling him back against her with a racing heart. Ben scowled and tried to grab at the box of cereal sitting on the counter for a second time. Katie held him steady and grabbed the box herself, rolling her eyes at the brightly coloured crap Effy had bought._

 _"Fine, breakfast." It really wasn't fair to make the kid starve just because his mother was a cunt. Katie put Ben in his high chair, making sure to do up the strap, having heard many battles over keeping him in place. "Hands up." Katie directed as she moved to snap the tray in place. Ben compiled, throwing his hands up with a giant grin._

 _Katie smiled despite herself as she poured some cereal into a bowl and placed it in front of Ben. He regarded it in confusion, then placed one finger on the side, tipping it all over the tray. Now familiar with the process, he began picking up handfuls, sometimes getting it in his mouth, sometimes throwing it over the side of the tray. Katie raised an eyebrow as Ben continued to making more and more of a mess._

 _After the fifth handful of cereal scattering across the floor, Katie couldn't take it anymore and grabbed two spoons out of the drawer. "Hands up." Ben threw them up again, delighted with the game. Katie gathered the cereal into a pile, scoped it into the bowl and sat down beside him. "Here. We're going to use a spoon." Katie held it out for him to take._

 _Ben stared at it as he pulled it out of her hand. Katie held her own up in front of his face and showed him a slow scoop at the bowl, picking up one pebble up and putting it into her mouth. Ben watched her every move then went to use his free hand to pick up a handful. "No Ben. With the spoon."_

 _Katie put her hand over his own and helped him pick a pebble of the bowl. By the time they neared his mouth it was wide open. Katie let him chew it down then repeated the process, guiding him through it three times in a row. One the fourth try, Katie helped him bring the spoon to his mouth and let go before he hit his mouth, giving him the perception that he did it himself. Ben banged the spoon on his tray in excitement and went in for more. Katie smiled and glanced at the clock behind him. 9 am. Katie grabbed the portable phone and started dialing Effy's number, pausing when she realised that she couldn't exactly use the words she wanted to in front of Ben. And she wanted to use those words._

 _Ben grunted in discontent as he struggled to get the pebbles anywhere near his spoon. Katie reached out and helped him again, guiding a full spoonful into his mouth. Ben chewed and dropped his hand away from hers._

 _When he was done, Katie offered the spoon for him to take. Ben kept his hands on the tray and opened his mouth expectantly. "No, you do it." Ben didn't do anything but stare at her with his mouth wide open._

 _Katie tapped him on the nose and fetched another spoonful. "Chancer."_

 _Ben chewed happily, humming to himself. Katie glanced at the clock, then down to the phone, then back at the clock. "Whatever. 50 minutes won't kill us." Katie put the phone down and turned back to Ben, snorting as he continually smacked his lips together, impatiently awaiting her help. "But just wait till mummy and Cook get home."_

 _Other the other side of the front door, camped out in the hallway, Effy and Cook shared a knowing smile as they listened in on the baby monitor._

 _December 2013 (Glasgow)_

 _Cook had spent his whole life waiting to walk in on two girls going at it. Like, top three fantasies. Solid wank material. Absolute favourite porn. So it really really sucked that it was now the worst moment of his life._

 _He'd gotten off shift two hours early, the Christmas crowd at the pub thinning out well before midnight, and decided to forgo the usual pints to help the girls put Ben's toys together. Katie had been sticking close to the flat over the past couple weeks, taking Ben to the park, decorating the tree with a ridiculous assortment of snowflake ornaments, buying groceries…and Cook tentatively hoped that this was it. The breakthrough he'd been waiting on._

 _He didn't notice them when he first walked in the door, sidetracked by the bag of presents he had in his hands, but Effy cursed and Katie grabbed for a pillow, and suddenly, Cook was looking at his girlfriend and best friend lying half naked on the couch._

 _Katie pushed herself away from Effy. "Cook…"_

 _Cook stared uncomprehendingly as Effy pulled her hand out the front of Katie's jeans and snatched her shirt up off the floor. "What…" Cook shook his head, trying make sense of the scene in front of him._

 _Effy walked out the room without a look back._

 _"It's not…" Katie swallowed and hugged the pillow against her chest. "I'm sorry."_

 _Cook ran his eyes over her messed up hair and smudged lipstick. "Fuck you. Fuck you both." Cook threw the bag of presents at her feet and walked out the door. "Merry fucking Christmas."_

 _Two days later, Katie was still missing, Effy wouldn't look at him and Cook wanted nothing more than to piss off and forget he ever went to Roundview._

 _But he couldn't._

 _Not when Effy looked like she was one step away from offing herself. Not when Katie was out there doing who knows what._

 _"James?"_

 _Cook wiped his eyes with the heel of his palm and turned to see Ben hugging Tito the bear at the door, his clothes nowhere in sight. "Hey mate."_

 _Ben gave Cook a hopeful look. "Car?"_

 _Cook took a deep breath and stood. "Yeah. For sure." Cook grabbed one of his t-shirts from the dresser and dropped it over Ben's head, helping him pull his hands through the sleeves. "Come on." Cook let Ben lead him into the small studio that Effy set up as Ben's playroom and her office. She'd painted a race track on the floor and willow trees on the walls, giving the space a decidedly fort-like feel._

 _Cook sunk to the floor and let Ben choose his car colour._

 _"It." Ben passed Cook a bright pink car, the one usually reserved for Katie. Cook closed his eyes at the sting._

 _Cook was in the middle of reenacting a big mid-race explosion when Effy walked into the room. She was reading something, lost in her head, and nearly tripped over them both._

 _"Mummy!" Effy jumped, startled by Ben's excited squeal. She looked up and froze when she found Cook staring back at her. "Play!" Ben rammed his car into Effy's leg._

 _"Gentle Ben." Effy admonished, stepping over him towards her desk. "Mummy can't play right now."_

 _Ben's face fell, the car dropping out of his hand. Cook bit his lip, taking in Effy's turned back. "No, you play, I'll go."_

 _"No!" Ben yelled, kicking the ground angrily. "No no no!" Ben snatched the car off the ground and swung his arm back, ready to throw it at Cook._

 _"Ben." Effy warned as she turned around._

 _Ben hesitated at Effy's tone, glancing at Cook for a second opinion. "No throwing." He echoed with a hard look._

 _After a beat, Ben lowered the car. "Thank you." Effy bent down and gave him a rewarding peck on the forehead. Ben took off again, crawling across the floor as he raced his car around the track. Effy watched for a second, then turned back to her document. "You stay, I'll go."_

 _"No Ef. He's your son, you should stay." Cook held the car out towards her._

 _Effy shook her head. "Really, it's okay."_

 _Cook pushed himself to his feet. "No. Take it."_

 _"Cook, please don't–" Effy paused when Ben pressed his car into her free hand and ran away, fetching a new one from his play box._

 _They both stared at the car, before Cook lifted his head, a small smile quirking at his lips. "This is getting a bit ridiculous, don't you think?"_

 _Effy looked up, meeting Cook's eyes for the first time in two days. "I didn't…" Effy took a shaky breath. "We didn't mean for it to happen. She's just…" Effy shook her head. "We shouldn't have. I shouldn't have."_

 _Cook regarded her carefully. "How long?"_

 _Effy shifted self-consciously. "Two weeks."_

 _Cook nodded. "And how long have you wanted this?"_

 _Effy opened her mouth, then closed it again, looking away in shame. Cook looked down at Ben. "Ben, what do you say when you take something that isn't yours?"_

 _"Sorry!" Ben yelled, proud of his knowledge._

 _"That's right." Cook turned back to Effy. "Sorry."_

 _Effy swung back around in disbelief. "Cook, you're not the one who–"_

 _"Effy, what do you say when you take something that isn't yours?"_

 _Effy stared at him, her eyes tearing up. "Sorry." Effy swallowed down a sob. "I'm so fucking sorry."_

 _Cook reached out and pulled her into a hug. "Once upon a time I lost my best friend over a girl. I'm not about to do it again." Effy tried to step away but Cook held on tight. "We would never have worked out. We hardly work out now."_

 _"You love her."_

 _"I loved you."_

 _Effy pulled back and wiped away her tears with her sleeve. "It's not the same thing."_

 _"Isn't it?" Effy looked at him in confusion and Cook shrugged. "I don't know much about anything Ef, but sometimes things are supposed to go a certain way, you know?"_

 _"Don't. She cares about you. A lot."_

 _Cook looked Effy straight in the eye. "She cares about you just as much so don't you dare pretend otherwise." Effy opened her mouth to dispute it but Cook shook his head. "All's fair and all that. Things will sort themselves somehow."_

 _"No Cook, I'm not going to–"_

 _"You are. And you're going to take pictures." Cook tried for joking, but Effy heard the pain underneath. "And none of this I'm bad at relationships bollocks. Katie Fitch wouldn't snog just any girl, so you do what you gotta do." Cook pinned her with a look. "Alright?" After a beat, Effy nodded. "Good. Now play with your son before he develops mother issues." Cook sat back down beside Ben, making his car do a wheely._

 _Effy wiped the tears off her cheeks and joined them, lining her car up beside Cook's. "What noise does a car make Ben?"_

 _Ben drove his car up her arm. "Fuuuuuckkkking!"_

 _Cook didn't clamp down on his laughter fast enough. Effy shot Cook an annoyed look before turning back to her son. "Ben, that's not a nice word."_

 _"Fuuuuuckkkking mummy!"_

 _Cook didn't have the perfect girl. Certainly didn't have the perfect life. But somehow, he'd found himself the perfect kid._

 **Chapter 8: Emily**

March 2015 (London)

Emily wakes up with a knee in her stomach and an elbow in her rib. It is comforting, albeit painful, to know Katie that hasn't outgrown her habit of beating the crap out of Emily while they're asleep. After reclaiming both of her legs and an arm, Emily takes a minute to look Katie over, the majority of her body revealed by the blanket she's kicked down to her waist. She's thin, far thinner than either of them have ever been, but she's still Katie. She still has all the features that make her like and not like Emily.

Emily reaches out and sweeps some hair away from her sister's face. Despite all the turmoil of the last day, she hasn't quite come to terms with the fact that Katie is actually back. Safe. Alive.

Noticing the start of something strange, Emily slides the strap of Katie's tank top off her shoulder and encounters a deep scar that looks only part way healed. She runs a finger over the surface, feeling lumps underneath, before turning Katie's arm over to look at the marks marring the inside of her elbow. Like before, Emily swallows at the sight, the dark red mutilation seeming so foreign on her sister's skin. Unable to take anymore, Emily puts Katie's arm down and slides out the bed, picking up a hoodie from the floor. It's overly big, practically hanging down to her knees, and not for the first time, Emily wonders what exactly is going on between Effy, Cook and her sister.

Pushing aside some rather graphic possibilities, she peaks out the bedroom door and catches Effy working away at a laptop, feet curled under her on the couch. A floor board creaks as Emily moves into the room and Effy's head jerks up.

They stare at each other for an awkward beat, before Effy closes her laptop and pushes herself off the couch. "We have breakfast…if you want?"

Emily buries her hands in the sweatshirt's pockets. "Okay."

The kitchen is about half the size of her own and the officer in Emily surveys the scene; run down fridge, half done dishes and some apples in a fruit bowl. Effy pours two cups of coffee and lifts Ben's phone books of a chair, leaving it free for Emily to sit down. "Pancakes?"

"Sure." Emily takes a seat at the two seater table and adds some sugar the mug Effy places in front of her. "Is there anything I can do or…?"

"No, I'm good." Emily watches as Effy moves around the kitchen, pulling out ingredients and a frying pan as she goes.

Emily takes a sip of her coffee and inspects the room a little more. She recognises Katie's handwriting on a to do list and can't help but roll her eyes at the passive aggressive underlining. There's a series of photos taped to the wall in the shape of a heart, and it's so unlike anything she'd expect from Effy or Cook, that Emily leans in to see what they are. Ben covered in peanut butter, Effy asleep on a table, Cook tackling Katie to the ground. An entire life that Emily isn't a part of.

"We need to talk about Ben."

Effy tenses, halfway through cracking an egg, before continuing on as if nothing happened. "What about him?"

"Why can't you be the one to claim custody?"

Effy looks over her shoulder. "I'm dead, remember?"

Emily sits back in her seat. "So go to the police and tell them you made a mistake." Effy shakes her head and turns back to the stove, lighting the burner with a well practiced hand. Emily puts her mug down with a sigh. "Look, I want to help. I do. But my sister is asking me to lie to the police. It's obvious she cares about Ben, and I know that you care about each other, but he's your child Effy. This is your problem, not hers, so unless you can convince me otherwise, I'm going to have to treat this like any other case. Which means documentation. Which means equal rights for both you and his father."

"Ben's father is a drug dealer. He's abusive. He's cruel. And the only reason Sean wants Ben is so that I can't have him." Effy's voice is even, but Emily catches her hand shaking as she pours a round of pancakes into the pan.

"He's hurt you?" After a pause, Effy nods. "Then you go to the police and tell them that."

"I can't." Effy hesitates, debating something in her head, before she turns to face Emily, hugging the bowl of batter against her stomach. "They have reports on me. Reports that would give Sean custody."

"What do you mean?"

Effy bites her lip, looking uncharacteristically nervous. "Psychiatric diagnoses."

"Oh." Emily gives Effy a through once over and decides she looks sane enough for a magistrate. "That shouldn't matter. If Sean is dangerous and you're providing Ben with a safe environment, no medical report will–"

"They're bad Emily. Really bad." Emily stops, unsure of what to say, and Effy puts the bowl down with a sigh. "Do you remember my psychiatrist at the end of Roundview?" Emily's brow furrows, but she nods, having memories of both Katie and Naomi telling her that he was an arrogant bastard. "Well he was psychotic. Like, fucking insane." Effy crosses the kitchen and pulls two dinosaur plates off the top of the fridge. "He became fixated on me and submitted all these reports to the medical board stating that my illness was untreatable and that I was a danger to myself and others." Effy drops a plate and fork in front of Emily. "His conclusion was that I was mentally incompetent and needed be committed to his care."

Emily blinks. "He can't do that."

"He did."

"Then we take him before a review committee and–"

"He's dead." Emily mouth snaps shut and Effy turns around to check on the pancakes. "He's dead and now it's my word against months of detailed affidavits from a period in my life I don't remember much about."

Emily taps her finger on the table, staring at Effy's back. "Okay, but if we explain the circumstances. If I tell them that–"

"You were in the reports too." Effy glances at Emily's shocked expression. "You all were. Panda, Thomas, Naomi. He depicted you as unstable influences likely to exacerbate my condition. He wrote letters to the police warning them that Cook would reoffended. He kept a diary to document Freddie's possessive behaviour." Effy uses everything she has to keep the waver out of her voice. "And suggested that he was as suicidal as his mother. The only one he didn't touch was JJ. And that's because he had pre-existing documents that might have contradicted anything Foster might say."

Emily sits silently, trying to process it all. "That's...fucked up."

"Yeah." Effy runs a hand through her hair. "He wanted to eliminate you all from my life." The anguish in her tone surprises them both and Effy immediately bends down to busy herself in the cupboard, knowing that the conversation was straying too close to things better left unsaid. "Point is, I don't have the best track record to defend myself. Aside from my actual mental issues, I live with an escaped convict, my girlfriend is a drug addict and I faked my own death. No one will look at all that and think that Foster was the one who was insane."

"Okay, what about your brother? Instead of Katie claiming he's the father, he could get custody as a blood relation."

Effy pulls the frying pan off the heat and grabs a spatula. "And how exactly is he going to explain that his dead sister birthed a baby?"

"Oh." Emily slumps in her chair. "Right." Effy crosses the room and flips two pancakes onto Emily's plate. "Thanks." Effy shrugs and walks away, dumping the remaining pancakes onto a plate that she places in the fridge.

Emily gives her a confused look. "Katie." Effy tosses the frying pan into the sink. "I cook, she cleans. Cook does shit all." Emily looks down at her own plate and Effy leans against the counter with a smirk. "Don't worry, I didn't spike them with MDMA."

Emily rolls her eyes and takes a bite. "I just..." Emily swallows and looks up at Effy. "I don't know how I could prove Katie has any claim on Ben. There's no papers. No DNA. At most, a judge will allow a 7 day extension for pending documents, but then you'd need–" Emily stops, the fork dropping out of her hand. "No. No. You are not taking her away again."

"We have to. Katie's name is in the police report."

Every compassionate thought Emily's ever had about Effy vanishes. "So?"

"So Sean will find us." Effy wants to leave it at that but Emily is clearly one second away from punching her in the face. "We usually use fake names and fuck off, but with you being there..." Emily flashes back to Katie's fully stocked duffel bag. The way Effy doesn't seem bothered about cleaning up the flat. The distance Katie constantly keeps between them.

"Effy, you have to go to the police." Emily pushes her plate away "We can get another psychiatrist to diagnose you. There's got to be a way to fix this." Effy stays silent and Emily frustration grows. "I can't lose her again. Not over something as stupid as your pissed off ex."

Effy's eyes flare with something dark. "Don't underestimate him. He caught up with us in Leicester and Katie nearly didn't walk away."

"Then she really shouldn't be with you. God Effy, can't you see what you do to her? Ever since you met, she's been doing stupid things to impress you. Just like every other idiot you've strung along."

Effy bristles. "Katie's not like that."

Emily stands up. "I'm done with this. We're not 17 and you don't get to hide behind half truths. My sister needs help, professional help, and I'm going to do what it takes to keep her safe. I'll help you get Ben and you can keep running like a coward, but Katie isn't going anywhere."

Effy catches Emily's elbow before she can make it out the room. "He's not after me."

"What?"

"Big tits, bossy bitch, never met a retail situation she didn't like?" Effy releases Emily's arm with a sigh. "She owed Sean some money, started working the clubs. Ended up running most of his distribution in Bristol. And when she found about me, she fucked off. With a lot of his cash."

Emily closes her eyes. "How much?"

"20 grand."

Emily's eyes snap open. "Fuck." She pauses, trying to keeping everything in perspective. "Fucking shit."

"That about sums it up."

Emily takes a deep breath. "Okay. This is okay. Naomi and I have saved some money. And Nana put aside a couple thousand for her education."

"Emily."

"And there's loans. I must qualify for–"

"Emily." Emily jerks to attention at Effy's tone. "He's not after the money. He wants her back."

Emily blinks. "The fuck? Like, how is that meant to work? You steal from me so I'll give you a promotion?"

"She was good. Really good. And he can blackmail her into sticking around." Emily stares at Effy for a beat, before she spins around and storms into the living room. Effy trails after her anxiously. "What are you doing?"

Emily grabs her purse off the floor and starts riffling around. "Some abusive drug dealing prick is after my sister? I'm calling the police."

Effy glances at the bedroom door. "You go to the police and he will get Katie arrested."

Emily pulls out her mobile. "He's a drug dealer, how can–"

"Trust me, he can."

Emily pushes the call button on her phone. "I swear to god Effy, if you don't start giving me some real answers, I'm not going to give you the chance to get out of here before they come."

Emily hits 9 twice. "We killed Foster." Emily freezes, her finger hovering above the button, and Effy forces herself to keep talking. "He murdered Freddie, and he was trying to do the same to Cook. I stabbed him, Katie hit him on the head with a bat and Sean knows." Effy stops, waiting for a response that never comes. "I faked my death to get away, but Katie couldn't do it. Not when she knew what it would do to you." Emily struggles to remember how to breathe. "Cook and Katie weren't just names in Foster's report. He described Cook as physically and sexually abusive. He blamed Katie for my attempted suicide, going so far as saying she talked me into it. He documented everything I told him about Cook and Freddie's rivalry, Katie and Freddie, Gobbler's End..." Effy wraps her arms around herself. "We wanted to go to the police. We did. But Cook was already wanted for assault, I had only been out of the psych ward for three weeks and Katie's fingerprints were on everything. No one would have believed us. Not with our history. Not when there were boxes of legal reports stating that I was insane and that they were both capable of murder at the fucking crime scene."

Emily hits end and stares at her phone, unable to make sense of anything she's just heard. Effy steps forward, hoping to see enough of Emily's face to judge her reaction, but the front door swings open, startling them both. "Honey, I'm home!" Cook steps into the flat and halts at the scene in front of him. "Everything alright ladies?"

Effy nods, her eyes locked on Emily. Cook glances between them suspiciously, but leaves it, moving aside Naomi can stumble into the flat. She lifts a hand in greeting and collapses onto the nearest chair.

Emily looks up, the state of her girlfriend snapping out of her daze. "Are you alright?"

"No." Seeing the alarm on Emily's face, Naomi waves her off. "Self-inflicted pain." She slumps down until she can rest her head on the back of the chair. "Actually, no, Cook inflicted pain."

"Hey now, it's not my fault you can't hold your liquor." Cook ruffles Naomi's hair as he moves towards the kitchen. "Going soft in your old age you are."

Naomi flips him off and tilts her head down enough to see Emily. "Hi." Emily stares back helplessly and Naomi frowns. "What's wrong?"

Emily bites her lip as Cook wanders back into room, his plate piled up with both Katie and Emily's pancakes. "Poor effort Ef. Where's the alphabet shapes?"

Effy sighs. "Those weren't for you."

"It's a good thing you love me then." Cook steps around Effy and plops down on a free chair. "Hungry Naomi?"

Naomi leans away from the pancake he waves in her face. "I will not hesitate to vomit on you."

"Effy?" Effy spins around at the sound of Emily's voice. "This brother of yours, he as clever as everyone says he is?"

"Yes?" Effy answers in confusion.

"Then tell him to get documents for Ben. Him and Katie. 100% authentic. They won't be in the system, but I can get around that. I'll schedule a court appearance. Katie will claim she's the mother, Ben will be observably happy to be with her and we say the papers are with Tony." Effy nods mutely, not quite believing that these words are coming out of Emily's mouth. "You stay off of the police's radar. Forever. You fuck up and my career's over, Katie is liable for fraud and Ben will go to Sean." Emily looks at Effy. "But if I do this, you're not going anywhere. Ben will be Katie's and Katie is staying with me. No more running. No more lies. No more secrets."

"Emily, we can't–"

Emily shakes her head. "It's all or nothing Effy. If I'm getting Ben for you, then you're going to keep her here for me. You can move in with us."

Naomi lifts her head in surprise. "Um, you are aware that we have a one bedroom flat?" Emily shoots her a look and Naomi drops her head back down. "But what's another four people in a shoebox."

"It's just a matter of time before Sean finds us." Effy argues, pointing at Naomi. "And you'll both be in serious danger."

Emily glances at her girlfriend. "I will be. She has nothing to do with this."

"Sean isn't going to care. I know you want to help Katie, but this isn't something you can fix. This isn't something she wants you involved with."

Emily raises an eyebrow. "And you really think I give a shit about what Katie wants me to do?"

"No." Effy mutters, looking towards Cook. "What do you think?"

"I think we do whatever will piss Katie off the most." Effy bites her lip, knowing what he was trying to say. Sean wasn't giving up and Katie had come too close to the edge too many times for luck to keep winning out. Something had to change or they were going to lose her one way or another.

Effy nods and turns back to Emily. "Okay."

Emily searches her face. "You're giving me your word that you're not going to leave the second you get Ben?" Effy nods. "Then go wake her up. We have two hours to make her seem as normal as possible."

"I'll see what I can do." Effy moves towards the bedroom, giving Cook's shoulder a squeeze as she passes him by.

"And Effy?"

Effy pauses at Emily's voice, halfway to the door.

"I'm glad you're not dead."

 **Chapter 9: Effy**

March 2015 (London)

"You know, you could help."

Effy leans back on the bed with a self-satisfied smirk, watching as Katie tugs a form fitting dress down her thighs. "I thought I already did."

Katie growls at her reflection and yanks the dress back over her head. "Yes, and as lovely as it was, all you did was get me less dressed."

Effy runs her eyes over Katie's nearly naked form. "How awful."

Katie finds a green shirt on the floor and throws it on, turning in front of the mirror with an unimpressed look on her face. "God you have shit taste."

"But it matches my leopard print purse."

Katie snatches a pair of jeans off the bed with a glare. "Not helping." Katie struggles to get them on and Effy's glad to see she's gained some weight since the last time they'd been shopping. "For fuck sakes."

This time there's real annoyance in Katie's voice, and as fun as it is to wind her up, Effy knows that most of Katie's bitchiness is coming from nerves. So far Katie seemed leveled head, more than capable of answering Effy's questions, but they both worried about an hour from now, when Katie would be under pressure and away from any kind of quick fix. Obviously, her arms were going to be covered, and a mix of a good night's sleep, eye drops and low drug dosages meant that you could hardly see it in her eyes, but it was a terrible game of when and how much as they fought to keep her as normal as they possibly could.

The announcement that Emily was going to help went down well, the moving in with her not so much. Katie had agreed, after some heated debate and Emily's well played guilt trip, that they'd stay the week while Ben's paperwork got sorted out. After that, Effy was pretty sure that the decision would be down to which of the twins could yell the loudest. She'd yet to find the opportunity to tell Katie about everything she'd revealed to Emily, and with Emily shooting Katie horribly betrayed looks every time they were in a room together, it would only be a matter of time before everything blew up in her face.

Effy pushes herself into a sitting position and inspects Katie's outfit. "What type of look are we going for here?"

"Motherly?" Katie switches the jumper for a sweater.

Effy looks down at herself. "I'd offer to trade, but I don't think you'd be too impressed." Katie scowls at the plaid shirt Cook and Effy constantly rotated between themselves. "Okay, what about trying something Emily would wear?"

Katie pulls the sweater off and rummages around the floor for some inspiration. "You mean something ugly?"

Effy snorts. "I think you might want to use the word conservative when she's around." Katie goes for a scarf and Effy rolls onto her stomach, leaning over the side of the bed to sort through the closest pile of clothes. "Here." Effy tosses Katie a black long sleeved shirt with some subtle detail. "Try that."

Katie slips it on, paring it with her skinny jeans and Effy's knee high boots. "What do you think?" Katie leans forward and tugs at her cleavage, trying to find a balance between slag and schoolmarm.

Effy looks Katie up and down. "Totally fuckable." Katie drops her hand with a sigh and Effy pushes herself off the bed. "I'm kidding babe. You look great." Effy steps behind Katie, sliding her arm around her waist. "Really."

Katie looks at Effy through the mirror. "I'm a shit liar Ef."

"All you have to do is list all the ways that you take care of Ben. None of which will be lies. All of which will show them how great of a mother you are." Katie bites her lip and Effy sweeps her hair to the side, placing a gentle kiss on her neck. "You'll be fine."

Katie sighs, leaning back into Effy's embrace. "I'm not so sure."

Effy searches Katie's face in the mirror. "You know, you don't have to do this." Katie looks at her in confusion. "Go to court. Get custody of Ben."

Katie spins around so she can see Effy face to face. "Don't even try it. You both mean everything to me and no one is going to take him without a fight." Effy nods, but it's clear she isn't convinced so Katie leans up and gives her tender kiss. After a few seconds, Katie pulls back. "So don't be such a fucking moron." She smacks the back of Effy's head and turns around to start sorting through their jewelry. "It's bad for my image."

Effy rubs her head, unable to keep a smile off her face. "Bitch."

"Cunt." Katie picks her favourite gold leaf necklace and kneels down in front of the mirror, dumping the contents of Effy's makeup bag onto the floor. All of her supplies were still at Emily's, and despite the doomed outcome, she had no choice but to make do with Effy's emo crap. "This better not run."

Effy sits on the floor beside Katie, leaning back against the mattress. "If it can make it through a rave, it can make it through an hour in court."

"Mmm." Katie replies doubtfully, sorting everything into piles of black, blacker and blackest.

Effy had always just kind of thrown her makeup on, hoping for the best with an I don't give a shit look, but Katie was precise. Using liquids and powers and all sorts of tools Effy didn't understand to extenuate her features. Effy always looked like Effy, dark and mysterious, and although she'd never admit it, she was fascinated by the way Katie could control her looks, morphing from sexy to soft to serious with a swipe of a brush. She'd tried out a couple of things she'd watched Katie do, and from the way Katie smiled at her afterward, her efforts hadn't gone unnoticed. "We need to talk."

Katie licks her finger and smudges the corner of her eye. "Sure."

Effy leans forward until she can see Katie's face. "A real talk."

Katie pauses, eyeliner in hand. "That doesn't sound good."

"Not bad, just…"

Katie spins to face Effy. "Spit it out Effy."

"I told Emily about Foster."

Katie's mouth falls open, the eyeliner rolling off the edge of her hand. "You fucking what?"

"I had to. She was going to call the police. She was calling the police." Every so often, Effy is still startled by how much Katie can make her feel. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows, and always in a way that leaves her with no control over herself. Katie's anger doesn't concern her, not when she can see the fear underneath, it's the shame that hits Effy like a physical blow. It didn't matter how many times she and Cook disputed it, Katie still believed that she should have dropped the bat after the first hit. She still thought that she killed Foster because of the person she was instead of the things that he did.

"What did she say?" Katie's words are curt, layered in defiance, is if whatever Emily said isn't going to matter to her in the slightest.

"She said she'd help get Ben and asked us to move in with her." Katie waits for more, but Effy can't give it to her, not when she doesn't know Emily's reaction herself. "Katie, everything she's doing she's doing for you. It's obvious she's willing to do anything to protect you." Effy reaches out, resting her hand on Katie's knee. "It's obvious that she loves you just as much as you love her." Katie sighs, her eyes dropping to the ground. "You're still coming down." Effy slides her hand into Katie's. "So please don't get upset about this." Effy can't bring herself to say what she really means. Please don't fall apart. Please don't run.

"I have to get ready." Katie tries to get away, but Effy latches on, forcing her to look up. "You saved us Katie. And Emily would never think otherwise." Katie nods, far too quickly for it to be genuine, but Effy knows that it isn't her conversation to have. Effy releases her hand and Katie wipes at her eyes, trying to hide the tears that are already there.

"My makeup is probably all fucked up."

"Maybe a little." Effy reaches up and rubs a mascara smudge off Katie's nose. "But now you're halfway to looking as good as me."

Katie lets out a incredulous laugh, entirely choked up, and suddenly, it's pointless to pretend. Emily was the one thing Katie had always kept to herself. Her guilt, her loneliness, her regret seeming like a betrayal of everything Effy and Cook had given her. But Effy knew. Of course Effy knew. "The day I want to look like a malnourished goth is the day I get fashion advice from the lezzers in our living room." Katie lifts her head and shoots Effy a small smile through her tears.

Effy reaches up to wipe Katie's cheek. "I don't know, Naomi's looking pretty good in those jeans. And Emily's definitely rocking the right bra. That cleavage in your shirt. Fuck me."

"You're so lucky I've actually seen them and know you're joking."

Effy grins and leans in to kiss Katie. It's gentle, but Effy still manages to slip some tongue in, teasing Katie with a swirl that speaks to some of her other talents. Effy pulls back and takes in the flush on Katie's face. Her makeup is a mess, her eyes red and her nose running, but there's no mistaking smirk that quirks at her lips.

"You do realise that we're not going to have any alone time at Emily's."

"Maybe not together." Effy pushes herself off the floor, holding a hand out for Katie once she's on her feet.

Katie takes it with a grunt. "Great. Now I'm going to go face a judge with that on my mind."

Effy laughs, pulling Katie off the floor with a bit more force than necessary. They bump into each other, halfway between the mirror and the bed, and Effy walks Katie backwards, a playful glint in her eyes. "It's not like he's a priest. You'd probably win points for sharing." The back of Katie's knees hit the bed. "Or doing."

Within the blink of an eye, Effy is pinned to the bed, her hands above her head and Katie's knees on either side of her stomach. "You know what I want?" Katie dips down, giving Effy a good view down her shirt. "What I really really want?" Effy looks up and Katie leans in, stopping when their lips are a breath apart. "Some half decent makeup remover." Katie drops her weight onto Effy's stomach and sits up. "Seriously. All I see is that oil-free crap. You don't have anything else?

Effy groans, shifting around until Katie isn't sitting on her bladder. "No."

"Great." Katie complains, sliding off Effy and pulling Ben's baby wipes out of their only set of drawers. She goes about cleaning the makeup off her face as Effy stares up at the ceiling. Katie snorts when she catches sight of her face in the mirror. "Problem babe?"

Effy tips her head back, staring at Katie's upside down shape. "Yes."

Katie laughs, but before she can come up with teasing retort, a knock sounds on the door. Seconds later, Emily walks into the room, Naomi hovering at her side. "Almost ready?" The twins stare at each other, recognising the signs of tears on each other's face, before Katie turns away and kneels back down in front of the mirror. "Yeah, just let me finish my makeup."

Naomi throws herself onto the bed beside Effy, glad to be horizontal. "Hi Ef."

Effy eyes Naomi. "Hi Nai."

"I'm supposed to watch you so you don't run away-"

"Naomi." Emily groans in annoyance.

"But let's agree to take a nap instead." Naomi finishes, her eyes already half closed.

Effy catches Katie's eye in the mirror and sends her a filthy grin. "I have to shower first."

Katie pokes herself in the eye. "Motherfucker."

"Yeah, can you never do that in front of me again?" Emily requests from her position at the door.

Katie leans towards the mirror, underlining her eye with a thin line of black. "Like you don't owe me for years of trauma."

Emily scoffs. "Like I haven't walked in on you with countless boys."

"Yeah, but they were never that." Katie gestures over her shoulder, hoping it's somewhere near Naomi.

Naomi peaks an eye open. "That reminds me. How is it being a muff muncher Katie?" Katie shrugs, switching her liner for mascara. "Cause if I remember correctly, you used to say that it was the most disgusting thing your sister could ever do."

Katie finishes her second eye and caps the mascara. "No Naomi, I used to say you were the most disgusting thing my sister could ever do."

Naomi closes her eyes again. "Well I guess it's just such a relief for you to know that your homophobia was really-OW!" Naomi glares at Effy.

"Sorry, elbow slipped." Effy replies innocently.

Katie puts on one last layer of lipstick and checks herself in the mirror. "Done." She grabs a jacket from the floor and stands up to face them. "How do I look?"

Emily runs her eyes over her sister, impressed with the transformation. "Good. Really good."

Effy nods, pushing herself off the bed. "Total mother material."

"Yeah?" Katie questions nervously.

"Yeah." Effy echoes, somewhat taken aback by how normal Katie really did look.

"Okay." Katie takes a deep breath and turns to her sister. "Let's do this." Emily nods, leading Katie out the room. Effy listens as they sort themselves out at the front door then leave the flat, their footsteps quickly fading into silence.

"It's gonna be okay Effy." Naomi comments, seeing the look on her face.

Effy lies back down, staring at the empty doorway. "No, I really don't think it is."

 **Chapter 10: Katie**

March 2015 (London)

It turns out that 23 year old Katie is an awful lot like 18 year old Katie. And 16 year old Katie. And 14 year old Katie.

When in doubt, flirt.

Of course, it helps that Emily is on a first name basis with the Honorable Patrick Anderson, having testified in front of him countless times over the last six months, but still, Katie was turning on the charm like he was a star footballer on route to the World Cup.

Judge Anderson finishes reading the paperwork and pulls off his glasses, looking at Emily with a kind smile. "Let's try to make this brief, shall we?"

Emily reaches down and puts her hand on Katie's bouncing knee, stilling it as best she can. "I think we'd both appreciate that."

"Splendid." Judge Anderson turns to Katie. "Ms. Fitch, are–"

"McGrath." Katie interjects quickly. "Mrs. McGrath." Katie catches his eye and gives him a coy grin. "But you can call me Kate."

Emily smiles up at Judge Anderson, digging her fingers into Katie's knee. "You need to use your proper name on these applications Kat...e."

"It is my proper name." Katie replies through her blinding smile. "Legally speaking."

"Right." Either Katie has vastly improved her acting skills or she is actually telling the truth. Emily kicks Katie's shin, taking some satisfaction from her slight wince, before turning to Judge Anderson. "Sorry, old habits."

Judge Anderson writes something down on his report. "Fair enough. I take it your husband isn't the father?" Katie shakes her head, a vein pulsing in her temple. Emily reads through the police report in her hand, trying not to react to everything she'd just heard. "So this..." He glances down at the top of the paper. "Anthony Stonem. He's willing to give you full custody?"

"Yes." Katie tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and leans forward, not so accidentally displaying more of her cleavage. "We're on good terms. He's in Cardiff for work and the distance is just too much for joint custody. He tries to come down for the holidays. Lots of phone calls and Skype."

"Glad to hear it." Judge Anderson flips through Ben's personal file. "And it seems there's an issue with the Birth Certificate?"

Katie sits back in her chair with a dramatic sigh. "Blokes, right? I give him the key to the safe and he goes and loses it. He's sure he can find it, is being a stubborn bastard about it all, but I told him he had to put in a request at the bank in case his mysterious locator skills don't come through."

Judge Anderson notes this in the file, then turns to Emily. "And the NHS records?"

"Oh I'm not really into Western medicine." Katie answers for her, twirling a piece of hair around her finger. "Home birth and everything."

Judge Anderson frowns. "Surely the boy's had his inoculations?"

Katie shakes her head. "No sir. Those big drug companies aren't going make my son a test subject." Emily clears her throat, warning her to take it down a notch. "But I know he's going to need them for school so it's not something I can get around."

"Right." Judge Anderson replies, confused by her turn around, but Katie simply smiles, impressively calm under his penetrating gaze. "Do you do drugs Mrs. McGrath?"

"I have in the past, yes." Katie's words are even, but Emily's hand slams down on her knee as it starts to bounce.

Judge Anderson scans through the police report. "It says here that there were drugs found at the residence you and your son are living in."

Katie looks down at the table, and for a second Emily worries she's about to fall apart, but when Katie lifts her head, she's the picture of pure innocence. "My flatmate is a small time dealer. I've been trying to move out, but money is tight. I assure you Ben has never been around any drugs." The first half of Katie's speech is total bullshit, but Emily can tell, without a doubt, that her last statement is true. "But my sister's offered to let me move in with her." Katie gives Emily an atrociously fake smile and turns back to Judge Anderson. "Just until I get on my feet."

Judge Anderson nods, scribbling away at his notes. "Where are you living?"

"Bloomsbury."

He looks up with a pleased smile. "Nice area. Used to live there back in the student days."

Emily nods. "My girlfriend's at Goldsmith."

"Lovely." He taps his pen on the desk, as if filing this away, before turning back to his paperwork. "Do you think you are a good mother Kate?"

"Yes." Katie waits, hoping that it will be enough, but Judge Anderson lifts his head expectantly. "I love Ben. So much. And I teach him things. Things that my parents taught me." Katie glances at Emily, and she gives her an encouraging nod. "I was really happy as a kid. I had Emily." Judge Anderson gives Emily a small smile. "And a bratty little brother. And this feeling of home. Like nothing could ever hurt me." Katie's eyes drop to the report in front of Emily. "And I want that for him."

Judge Anderson closes Ben's folder and looks at them both. "Well, that's more than enough for me." Katie lifts her head in surprise. "It's very clear to me that you're the type of mother any child would be lucky to have. I don't see any reason why Ben can't be in your care." He gives Katie an apologetic smile. "Unfortunately, I can't grant you custody without a drug test and his Birth Certificate, but I will award Emily temporary guardianship until you get those technicalities sorted out."

Katie bites her lip, his words echoing in her head. "Great."

Emily places a hand on Katie's back and shoots Judge Anderson a thankful smile. "I'll schedule a hearing for next week."

Judge Matthew nods and signs the bottom of the application. "Enjoy your day ladies, I do believe that there's an excited little boy waiting for you outside." Emily passes Katie her jacket and stands up, leading her towards the door.

The second they're out of earshot, Katie leans towards Emily in panic. "I can't pass a drug test."

Emily glances behind her, checking to make sure Judge Anderson is busy reading his next case file. "We'll sort something out." Katie doesn't say anything and it's clear that she's not seeing this as a victory. "You did really well Katie. A drug test is nothing compared to today." Katie purses her lips and Emily sighs, remembering just how much of a perfectionist Katie really was. "So what the fuck is with this marriage business?"

"Don't worry about it." Emily tries to respond but Katie is already out the door, her eyes locked the tiny figure at the end of the hall.

Ben lets go of Mark's hand and takes off, running towards her as fast as he can. Katie bends down as he crashes into her, his little hands wrapping around her neck with suffocating strength. "Hi wombat." His tears are hot, soaking through her shirt, and Katie holds him against her chest. "It's okay Ben. You're okay." Katie tries to see his face, but he's having none of it, burrowing into her shoulder. She rubs his back and spins on Mark. "What happened?"

Mark takes a step back at the look on her face. "Nothing. His minder said that he's just been unsettled. Asking for his mother and his bear."

"Tito." Katie corrects.

"Tito." Ben murmurs into her skin.

Katie hoists him up, readjusting her grip on his legs. "I know baby. You're going to go get Tito. You're going to go home to..." Katie glances at Mark. "James. James and Tito." Katie feels Ben's nod and turns to Emily. "Can we go?"

"Y-yeah." Emily stutters, staring at the spectacle in front of her.

Katie rolls her eyes. "You have seen me with a child before."

"Yeah, I know. It's just..." Emily shakes her head. "I have to go schedule the court date. I'll be right back, okay?"

Katie nods as Emily and Mark walk away. "What the heck did they dress you in?" Katie pulls at Ben's shirt and finds a tartan duck on the front. "No wonder you're crying." Ben blinks up at her, not really understanding, but Katie knows she's managed to get his attention. "Are you hungry?" Ben rests his head against her chest, saying nothing. Sometimes he was far too much like Effy for his own good, refusing to talk unless he felt like it. Effy believed it was her fault for not talking enough when he was a baby, but Katie was of the opinion that he'd discovered how much his silence freaked everyone out and used it to get what he wanted. "How about some pizza?" Ben rubs at his eyes but says nothing. "Okay. I guess I get to choose what goes on it." Katie puts her finger on her chin, pretending to think. "I think we should get broccoli. And peas. Definitely spinach. Lots of Cucumber."

Ben lifts his head up. "Cheese."

Katie smiles and runs her hand through his hair, styling the front. "Cheese please."

"Cheese please." Ben echoes, impressed with his powers of persuasion. Katie spots Emily heading towards them. "Do you want to ask Emily if she likes cheese pizza?" Ben shakes his head, tightening his grip on Katie's shoulder. "Okay, then I'll ask her. Emily, do you like cheese pizza?"

Emily stops at their side and smiles at Ben. "I love cheese pizza."

Katie looks down at Ben. "I think we'll need a big pizza. One bigger than you." Ben's eyes widen at the thought and Katie pokes his tummy. "But you have share it with Emily." Ben giggles and looks up at Katie, then looks at Emily, then looks at Katie again. She laughs at his perplexed expression. "Yes, we look alike." Ben frowns and turns back to Emily. He'd spent about 10 minutes with her in the car on the way to Child Services, but Katie hoped he'd forgotten it with everything else that had been going on. After a beat, Ben sticks out his fist. "He wants a fist bump."

Emily gives him an enthusiastic bump, grinning when he smiles back at her. "Let me guess. Cook."

"Yep." Katie wipes the last of the tear marks off Ben's face. "Can you take him for a minute? I need to go to the toilet."

Emily looks around uneasily. "Katie, this isn't the place for –"

"No, I'm serious. Too much coffee." Emily hesitates for a moment, before holding out her arms. As they both predict, Ben latches onto Katie, refusing to let go. "Hey Ems, do you still have your belly ring?"

Emily gives Katie a funny look. "Yes."

"Ben loves jewellery. Would you like to see Emily's ring Ben?"

Emily snorts. "Yeah, thanks, but I work with these people. I'm not about to take my shirt off."

"I see." Ben says, squirming to get down.

Katie puts Ben on the floor and raises her eyebrow at Emily. "You heard the man."

After a pause, Emily sighs, kneeling down so she's at Ben's level. "Why do I feel like this kid gets whatever he wants?"

Katie gives them each a kiss on the forehead. "Because he's got the eyes."

"Mmm." Emily replies, discreetly lifting up the bottom of her shirt so Ben can see her purple barbell. Emily can't help but laugh as Ben sticks his head underneath trying to make sense of it. Truthfully, there were very few people about, and those that were, probably understood the need to keep a child entertained. It's only after Ben gets bored of the ring, and the plants, and the see how high you can jump game, and the pictures of funny looking judges on the wall that Emily starts to get nervous. She glances at the wall and clocks Katie's bathroom trip at seven minutes. It's easy to convince Ben to have a race to the toilets, and once they're there, Emily picks him up and moves in to investigate.

The stalls are empty and the sinks dry, and Emily wastes no time running out the room, down the hall and into the parking lot to look for any sign of her sister. Finding none, she pulls out her mobile and jogs towards her car, jumping into the driver's seat with Ben on her lap.

Naomi picks up on the first ring. "Hey babe. How'd it go?"

Emily pulls the car door shut, eliminating any chance of anyone overhearing her conversation. "Is Effy there?"

"Yeah, she's right beside me."

"Put her on." Emily runs her hand through Ben's hair, trying to remind herself that Katie and Effy couldn't leave without him.

"Hi?" Effy says as Naomi and Cook laugh at something in the background.

"Did you plan this?" Emily questions, trying to keep calm for Ben's sake.

"Plan what?"

"Plan her leaving." Emily states with a waver in her voice.

Effy lets out a sharp breath. "No." Emily can hear Effy talking to Cook, then she's back on the line, her breathing coming out heavy and rushed. "How long has she been gone?"

"Ten minutes." Emily looks around the parking lot again, the panic in Effy's voice confirming her suspicions that this was all Katie. "She seemed so fine. She gave me Ben and said she was going to the toilets."

"You got Ben?" Effy asks, almost timidly.

"Yeah." Emily looks down at him. "He's with me right now. One week temporary custody." Effy says nothing, but Emily can hear her breaths slow somewhat. "What do I do?"

"Drive around and see if you can spot her. We'll start around here." It's clear that Effy is on her way out the door.

"Do you...I mean, I have Ben? Katie promised him pizza."

Effy laughs, but it's bitter and pained. "First rule of dealing with Katie like this, never let her give up responsibility of Ben. The second she knows he's going to be cared for, she bolts."

Emily runs her hand through her hair. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I should have known she was going to blame herself for Ben being taken."

Emily sighs, knowing exactly what guilt can do to a person. "We have to find her."

"We will." Effy assures, stepping out onto the street. "Take Ben to whatever pizza place you find. Text the address and I'll meet you there."

"Okay." Effy hesitates and Emily knows there's something else she wants to say. "What?"

"Have you checked your wallet?"

Emily reaches over and pulls out her wallet, balancing the phone on her shoulder as she searches through it. "Empty. I think I had £60. Maybe more."

"Fuck."

Ben's ear perk up. "Fuck!"

"Yeah, he does that." Effy mutters, hearing him loud and clear.

"Sorry, didn't realise he could hear you." Emily looks down and finds her credit card, bank card and driver's license in Ben's hands. "Crafty kid, huh?"

"You've no idea." Naomi and Cook's voices start to reappear in the background. "Em...just...even when it's bad, she's still Katie, okay?"

The line goes dead abruptly and Emily throws her mobile back in her purse, turning too late to catch Ben before he dumps all her coins onto the floor. "That's what I'm afraid of."

 **Chapter 11: James**

 _August 2012 (Leicester)_

 _Everything had started innocently enough, downing shots and snorting lines, playful spins and dips, Cook ribbing Katie about the minger checking her out by the door. Of course, that didn't mean Cook refrained from copping a feel, or Katie stopped teasing him with lingering looks, but they were being good, still pretending that they weren't on the edge of something big. There was no denying the tension that had been growing between them since Katie showed up in Skye, the glances as they passed each other in the hall, the way they'd always end up too close at the end of a film, the two nights Katie had stayed with him on the couch instead of going through to the bed she and Effy shared._

 _Effy was starting to tire of the charade, snapping at Cook to just get on with it, but he didn't really know to feel about it all. It was clear that Katie wasn't herself, and her habit of staying out all night without any explanation definitely made things difficult, but Effy's worried confession that Katie was covered in track marks didn't seem to fit either. It wasn't that he didn't trust Effy's judgment, she was always right after all, but he couldn't help but think that she was projecting her own issues onto Katie and reading the situation a lot worse than it was._

 _And really, Katie being up for a big night out wasn't anything Cook was going to complain about. It had been far too long since he'd felt like a twenty year old boy instead of a forty year old man. He loved Effy and Ben, they were everything he dreamed of coming home to, but his life was endless routine of bottles and diapers and walking around the house with a baby strapped to his chest. Sure he hit the pub with the lads at the dock, and Effy could still drink like a champ, shamelessly robbing sailors with her pool skills, but this, grinding with a girl on a crowded dance floor with booze and pills and adrenaline pounding through his veins, this was where James Cook belonged._

 _Cook leant down and brushed his lips past Katie's ear. "Drink?"_

 _She nodded, leading him towards the bar. As he ordered another round Katie pulled a lipstick out her purse and shook four pills out the bottom. She knocked the first two back with a shot of tequila then placed the next two on the tip of her tongue, turning towards him with a mischievous grin._

 _Truthfully, Cook was still feeling the effects of the pills they'd taken earlier, but he was never one to back down from a challenge, and certainly not one issued by a fit girl with a wild look in her eyes. Cook moved in, pressing Katie against the bar. "Fitch, you're playing with fire." She stared up at him, just daring him to do it, and Cook slammed his mouth against hers, capturing his pills as his hands slide down her sides. He pulled away to swallow and looked down at her. "Does this mean we can stop pretending that night at Naomi's never happened?"_

 _Katie placed her elbows on the bar and grinned. "I don't know what you're talking about. I find you repulsive."_

 _Cook laughed and went back in. The kiss was hot, and dirty, and everything he wanted it to be. Katie's hands slid into the back of his jeans, her thumbs playfully flicking the elastic of his boxers, and Cook tore his mouth away. "I want to fuck you."_

 _Katie searched his eyes. Satisfied with what she found, she reached down and grabbed his hand. "I have a better idea." Cook raised a doubtful eyebrow. "Ever had a speedball?" Cook shook his head, trailing a finger up the inside of her thigh. "Come on." Katie tugged him towards the door, laughing when he reached out to palm her tit. "It's gonna blow your mind."_

 _Cook slid his hand around her waist, biting at her ear as they tripped over each other on their way out the door. "You already have."_

 _October 2012 (Leicester)_

 _Katie stumbled through the flat, struggling to get Cook's button up shirt over her head. "Yeah, I'm fucking coming." Katie muttered as someone pounded at the door. "Bloody neighbours." She unhooked the chain and slid the deadlock back, ripping the door open with an irritated growl. "What the fuck is–"_

 _Sean held up a bouquet of flowers. "Miss me?"_

 _Katie grabbed the front of her half buttoned shirt and pulled the door against her, cutting off as much of his view as possible. "What the fuck are you doing here?"_

 _Sean raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean what the fuck am I doing here? I'm here to bring you home."_

 _"Home?" Katie echoed in disbelief._

 _Realising she wasn't going to take the flowers, he dropped them to his side with a sigh. "You left in the middle of the night without so much as note. Did you really think I was going to leave it at that?" Katie stared helplessly. "We're married, in case you forgot, and your business is tanking without you."_

 _Katie's eyes shifted to the flowers in his hand. "You're here to...bring me back?"_

 _Sean leant on the doorframe. "Well what else would I be doing? Our supply chain is dependent on your imports. The boys are good for a lot of things, but looking like the legitimate management of a makeup company is a bit of a stretch don't you think?" Seeing the incredulous look on Katie's face, Sean pushed himself back into an upright position. "Look, I get it. You were pissed. I treated our marriage like a business deal and all that baby stuff came out of nowhere. I just thought it would be fun."_

 _"Sean, our marriage was a business deal."_

 _Sean moved towards her. "But it doesn't have to be. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to realise you wanted more than the occasional fuck."_

 _"I didn't...that's not, I mean...what?"_

 _"Come on, you know you're the only one who can do this. It's been two months. Don't you think you've punished me enough?" Katie opened her mouth, then shut it again, unable to come up with any kind of response but repeating 'what the fuck' over and over until he went away. "Can we do this inside? I don't think we should be broadcasting this shit around." Sean took a step forward but Katie stayed where she was, holding her ground in front of the door. Sean rolled his eyes. "I don't care if you're fucking someone else."_

 _Katie glanced down at Cook's shirt. "He's not..."_

 _Sean leant in. "Sweetheart, you owe me 20 grand, I don't think you're in a position to play hard to get." After a tense pause, Katie released her hold on the door._

 _"Well, I guess our talk didn't freak you out as much as I thought." Sean said as he stepped into the flat, reaching down to pick up a teddy bear from the floor. "Who's the lucky bloke?"_

 _Katie stepped in front of a picture frame. "No one. I'm just..." Katie trailed off as Sean reached around her and snatched a photo of Effy and Ben off the bookshelf._

 _"What the fuck?" Sean stared at it for a full ten seconds, before turning it around and holding it up in front of Katie's face. "What the fuck is this?"_

 _"It's an old picture." Katie tried to grab it but Sean lifted it out of her reach. They stared at each other, Sean's eyes boring into hers, before he threw the picture down and ran at the bedroom. Seconds later, he re-emerged with Effy's leather jacket in his hand. "Where is she?"_

 _"She's dead." Sean lunged forward, slamming Katie into the bookshelf. "Don't lie to me." The metal frame dug painfully into her shoulder, but she had no time to worry about it, not when Sean's forearm was sitting against her throat. Katie said nothing and Sean pressed down. "So what? The two of you just thought you could fuck off with my money and my son?"_

 _"He's not your son." Katie spat out with the breath she had left. Sean pulled his arm back and Katie closed her eyes, flinching when his fist smashed into the wall beside her head. "How old is he?" Katie kept quiet and Sean raised his fist again._

 _"Eight months. He's eight months."_

 _Sean dropped his hand and pushed himself away from her. "Fuck sakes. Eight months? Eight months she kept him away from me?" He started pacing in the middle of the room. "I should get her arrested. Committed. She'd never see the kid ever again."_

 _"Leave them alone and I'll come back with you." Sean looked up as Katie stepped forward, an unreadable expression on his face. "I'll run the business, I'll do whatever you want."_

 _After a beat, Sean flicked the top button of his jeans open. "Prove it. Fuck me, right now."_

 _Katie stared at him, hoping it was some kind of joke, but there was nothing but challenge in his eyes. Conjuring up an image Effy and Ben, Katie walked up to Sean and pulled him into a violent kiss. His tongue felt strange in her mouth, his hands too rough, and as he threw her against the wall, she knew she had no hope in hell of pretending it was Cook. Sean's hand was halfway up her shirt, his hips jutting into hers painfully, when she felt it. The hard metal of the gun tucked into his waistband. Katie grabbed a handful of his hair and intensified their kiss, using every skill she'd been practicing since she was 12 to keep him distracted. Just as her hand was about to disappear down the front of his jeans, she pushed herself away and reached up to grab the gun._

 _Sean caught her wrist. "Thought so." He slammed her hand against wall and leant forward. "You're coming back Katie. Try something like that again and she's dead." Sean pushed his lips against Katie's, smiling into the kiss when she tried to bite his tongue. "No one will even know she's gone."_

 _Katie's heart started to pound as his grip on her wrist tightened. "Sean, don't." Sean ignored her, using his free hand to undo the last three buttons on her shirt. Katie tried to get away, but he was too strong, using the weight of his body to hold her in place._

 _"Keep wriggling, it only makes it hotter." Sean commented, biting down to mark her neck. Katie tipped her head back, refusing to let Sean see the tears burning at her eyes, when a key scraped against the front door._

 _Sean looked up at the noise and Katie used the opportunity to knee him in the crotch. He reared back in pain and Katie shoved him away, snatching the gun out of his waistband with a lucky grab. She staggered back, pointing the gun at Sean's face._

 _"What the fuck is going on?" Cook questioned in the doorway, thrown by Katie's undone shirt as much as the gun in her hand._

 _"Get Ben away from here."_

 _Cook stared at Sean, still recovering from the blow. "Who..."_

 _"Now James." Katie commanded as she flicked the safety off. Cook's eyes widened in realisation and he took off, his footsteps echoing down the hall._

 _Sean started to right himself, eying at Katie with thinly veiled fury. "You really think I'm scared of you?"_

 _"I thought Effy told you what I'm capable of Sean." Katie said, her finger hovering over the trigger. "How I took that bat and smashed it right through his head. Isn't that what you used to threaten her with?"_

 _Sean sprung forward and Katie shot at his shoulder, the bullet missing him by an inch. Sean stumbled back, a surprised look on his face._

 _"You raped my best friend." Katie aimed the gun at Sean's forehead. "I won't miss twice."'_

 _"It was what, three weeks before you threw yourself at me?" Katie took a step back. "Make the pain stop. No one understands. I'm so alone." Sean mocked as Katie continued to move towards the door. "It's a such a shame she's alive, right? Now that she can see what a deceitful bitch you are. Now that she knows all her heroic sacrifice was for nothing."_

 _Katie stepped into the hallway. "I know what I am Sean. But you have no idea what that means for you with me on this side of the gun. Leave them alone. You never saw us, we don't exist." Without waiting for his reply, Katie turned and sprinted for the stairwell, colliding with Cook on his way back up at full speed. "Down you fuck!" Katie yelled, shoving at his shoulder. Cook spun around, raced down the stairs and pulled Katie towards the car Effy had running around the other side of the building. He tumbled into the backseat, dragging Katie in behind him._

 _"Go!"_

 _Effy did, speeding out the parking lot with her eyes glued to the review mirror. Katie struggled to catch her breath, unable to comprehend anything but Ben's blue eyes staring up at her from his car seat. "Katie." Katie's head whipped around at Cook's fearful tone. "Give me the gun." Katie looked down and found her fingers tightly wrapped around the handle. "Come on babe. Let it go." Katie relaxed her hand and Cook slid it from her grip, passing it to Effy over his shoulder. She flipped the safety on and placed it into the glove compartment, taking a right onto a main road._

 _"Are you alright?" Katie jumped when Cook put his hand on her cheek, turning her head so he could see her face. "Give me a nod. That's all I need." Katie nodded, her breathing slowly returning to normal. "He didn't..." Katie shook her head, feeling the adrenaline flooding out of her all at once. Cook hauled her against his chest, burying his face in her hair. "God, my fucking heart." Katie didn't know what to make of the overwhelming relief she felt as Cook tightened his arms around her. They'd been fucking around for a while but Katie had made it very clear that it was friends with benefits and nothing more. At first it was great, sex and drugs and all night raves, but then Cook started cutting back, suggesting they stay home, eying her arms with poorly concealed concern. Not only was it annoying, it reinforced Katie's decision that she should have nothing to do with the life Effy and Cook had built for themselves._

 _Out of nowhere, Cook jerked back, jarring Katie from her drowsy state. "You're bleeding." Cook stared at the blood on his hand in shock, before he ripped the shirt off her shoulder, not caring that it left her practically topless, and found a large wound gushing blood. "Fuck."_

 _Effy nearly swerved off the road as she turned to see. "He didn't shoot her, did he?"_

 _"No, it's a gash." Cook yanked his own shirt off and pressed it against her shoulder, taking in Katie's rapidly paling colour. "Katie, stay with me."_

 _Effy indicated to get off of the motorway. "Does she need a hospital?"_

 _Katie tried to sit up. "No. Drive."_

 _"Cook?" Effy asked, coming up on the exit._

 _Cook yanked Katie back down and lifted the corner of his shirt up to inspect the damage. "It's deep, but she'll be alright." Katie slumped back against him, wanting to be nowhere near Sean ever again. Everything was starting to come back to her, Sean's threats, her stupid insults, the feeling of his hands pinning her against the wall. Katie reached down for Cook's free arm and draped it across her waist, pulling her knees up towards her chest. Cook looked down in surprise, having been told many times that she wasn't a fucking cuddler and he best put his hands to better use._

 _Cook pulled her a little closer, keeping continuous pressure on her wound. "Are you sure you're alright?" Katie nodded, intertwining their fingers. Cook frowned, unsure of her actions, but went with it as he turned to check on Ben, fast asleep with Tito at his side._

 _Katie lifted her gaze to the review mirror and found Effy staring back at her. They locked eyes, a thousand apologies and thanks yous blending into one, before Effy turned her attention to the road and shook her head. "Katie fucking Fitch." Katie gave her a tired smile and dropped her head onto Cook's shoulder, closing her eyes when the car started to spin around her. "I think you've earned the right to pick. Where are we going brawler?"_

 _"Manchester."_

 _Cook looked down at her. "Oi, I know what you're up to. I saw you eying that new Man City player last week."_

 _Effy laughed. "Vying for WAG status again?"_

 _"Nah. I think I'm going through an obnoxious wanker phase." Katie opened her eyes and gave Cook a tentative smile._

 _Without giving himself the chance to overthink it, he leant down and gave her a soft kiss, pulling back just enough to see her eyes. "Does this mean we can stop pretending that it doesn't mean something?"_

 _Katie tipped her head up and returned the favour. "I don't know what you're talking about. I find you repulsive." Cook laughed, shifting so she had more room to lie down. Katie laid her head against his chest, watching the outskirts of Leicester fly by. "Now if that's enough sappy shit for you, I need to pass the fuck out."_

 _January 2014 (Glasgow)_

 _Cook watched Katie sleep, the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest reminding him of what was really important. Her life, her happiness, her chance at getting free._

 _Cook managed to get Katie into the shower and changed before Ben woke up, her high finally sliding towards unconsciousness instead of the violence and delirium they'd encountered at the warehouse. Effy was hiding out in the living room, pretending that this was just another episode. That her and Katie's affair had never happened. That she hadn't spent the last week searching every pub, club and alley in Glasgow with unprecedented determination. That she hadn't been a complete and total wreck since Katie had walked out the door._

 _Ten days was a long time. Ten days was more than £150 Katie had disappeared with. Ten days was Effy finding her barely breathing, face down on a cement floor._

 _Cook sat down on the edge of the bed. "Katie." Cook shook her shoulder gently. "Wake up." Katie mumbled something and rolled away. "Come on, you've been sleeping for hours." Cook pulled the blanket away from her. "You need to get up." Katie moaned and curled into a ball. "Katie." Cook ripped the pillow out from under her head._

 _Katie's head hit the mattress and she blinked up at him in confusion. "What's it?"_

 _"You rang Effy." Katie squinted, the ceiling light burning her eyes. "You've been gone for over a week."_

 _Katie jolted up, bracing herself against the headboard as the world tilted. "Oh shit." Cook held out a glass of water but she pushed his hand away. "No, no, I'm not supposed to be here. No, I have to...I have a bus ticket." Katie scrunched her eyes shut, trying to remember. "For Saturday."_

 _"It's Monday."_

 _Katie moved towards the edge of the bed. "Doesn't matter, I have to go." Katie paused at the wave of nausea that overtook her, then put her feet on the floor. "Where's my mobile?"_

 _"You sold it."_

 _Katie stood up, slamming her hand against the wall when her legs threatened to give out of her. "Where's my purse?"_

 _"Effy emptied it." Cook sat back against the headboard, watching Katie as she stumbled across the room. "So do you have anything to say to me?"_

 _Katie froze, halfway into the closet._

 _"Go on, I want to hear it." Cook waited, a neutral expression on his face._

 _"James..." After a long pause, Katie looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's over."_

 _Cook nodded and sat back up. "She loves you."_

 _Katie turned away, leaning on the closet door as she pulled clothes off the shelf. "It was a mistake. I never meant to hurt you and–"_

 _"I don't care about me Katie." Cook cut in angrily. "I care about Effy."_

 _Katie dropped a duffel bag at her feet. "You'll both be fine once I leave."_

 _"Except you won't." Cook jumped off the bed and grabbed the pile of clothes out of her hands. "You always say you'll leave, but you never do. It's been a year and a half. Why are you still here?"_

 _"I...you, and Ben...and..." Katie stammered out awkwardly._

 _"Effy. Because she's got a hold on you that you can't escape."_

 _"That's not–"_

 _"Let's face it, if everything with Foster hadn't happened, you and I wouldn't even talk to each other anymore. Maybe a pint here and there, but we had nothing in common in college."_

 _"People change."_

 _"Yeah, well, it was never really about us was it?" Cook dipped his head down so he could see her face. "She makes you happy Katie. Better." Katie sniffed, a tear rolling down her cheek. "You know who you look like when you're with her? Emily. The kid who knew what she wanted before any of us even understood what love meant."_

 _"I'm sorry, I didn't...'" Katie's words dissolved into tears and Cook pulled her into a hug. "I tried. I really tried." Katie sobbed into his chest, overwhelmed by the strain of her emotions and her come down._

 _Cook rested his chin on the top of her head. "I know Kates." Katie clung to him and Cook let her ride it out, holding her as tightly as he dared. Once her cries had calmed, Cook pulled back. "So does this mean we can stop pretending you're in love with me?"_

 _"I…no."_

 _"You missed your cue babe." Cook replied softly, reaching up to wipe the tears off her face._

 _Katie shook her head. "You're not repulsive. You were never repulsive."_

 _"I was a little bit repulsive." Cook argued with a small smile._

 _Katie laughed and sobbed at the same time. "I do love you."_

 _"But you're not in love with me." Cook stated firmly. Katie stared at him for a beat, then shook her head._

 _"Are...I mean, I know it's stupid, and I don't deserve it...but can we still be friends?"_

 _Cook laughed. "Are you kidding me? You and Ef are going to be the best wingmen I've ever had." Katie's attempt at a smile failed and Cook put both his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look him in the eye. "You're my girl. Nothing's going to change that. Got it?"_

 _Katie took a shuddery breath, then nodded._

 _"Right, since all that's sorted, it's time you pulled yourself together. There's a hot piece of ass waiting for you in the living room."_

 _Katie glanced at the door. "I'm...no, I can't."_

 _Cook narrowed his eyes. "You can and you will. You walked out on her." Katie bit her lip. "I'm serious Katie, it damn well nearly broke her heart." Katie looked up at him in surprise and Cook held out his hand. After a beat, Katie took it, letting Cook pull her to the door. Once they were in the hall, Cook gestured for her to lead on._

 _Katie took a deep breath and walked into the living room. Effy looked up from where she was sitting on the floor, Ben in her lap and a farm book in her hand. Effy's eyes lingered on Katie's tear stained cheeks, a tense silence settling between them, when Ben smacked at his book, demanding Effy's attention. She dropped her head back down and Cook strolled forward. "Alright, let's make this perfectly clear, I didn't give up some of the best shags of my life so you two could pussyfoot about."_

 _Katie groaned. "James."_

 _Cook threw himself onto the couch and peered over Effy's shoulder. "I didn't say it was you now did I?" Cook grinned at Katie's annoyed expression. "Effy's a tomcat in the sack." Effy elbowed him without taking her eyes off the page._

 _"Cat." Ben pointed to a picture of a cat in his book and looked up at Cook for approval._

 _"Yeah mate." Cook stole Ben out of Effy's lap and swung him into the air. "You're going to be an animal in the sack too. I'll teach you everything you need to know."_

 _"Great." Effy deadpanned, closing the book. "My son, the cockmonster."_

 _Cook made a face at Ben and dropped him down onto his chest. "Mummy's just embarrassed because she fell for my charms."_

 _Effy snorted. "Swept away."_

 _Katie glanced between them, not quite believing that everything was back to normal. "Right, first lesson in scoring with the ladies." Cook leapt off the couch and tucked Ben under his arm. "Brushing our teeth." Ben threw his hands out in their usual airplane position and Cook ran at the bathroom door. "Let's hit it playa."_

 _Once they were inside, Cook closed the door and pressed his forehead against the wall, taking a deep breath. Ben pointed towards the sink expectantly and Cook pulled himself together, reaching into the cupboard. He put a tiny dollop of toothpaste on Ben's toothbrush and gave to him, watching he missed his back teeth and started gnawing on the bristles."I never win kid. Never ever win." Ben decided he was finished, shoving his gooey brush into Cook's hand. "Open." Ben opened his mouth and Cook gave his teeth an actual cleaning. "But you and me mate, that's what counts." Cook rinsed off the brush and turned to look at Ben. "Bros before hos, right?" Ben nodded enthusiastically and Cook laughed, feeling his eyes flood._

 _Ben lifted his arms up and Cook picked him up, readying himself for a re-entrance. Ben snuggled into Cook's shoulder, his bedtime fast approaching, and somehow Cook found the strength to walk out the door. "Alright, hands where I can see them. Minor entering the room."_

 _Effy raised her hands in the air, sitting by herself on the couch. Cook looked around in confusion. "Where's Katie?"_

 _"She went back to bed."_

 _Cook grunted. "I don't know if you noticed this, on account of you being oblivious to everything, but I left the room so you two could talk."_

 _Effy smiled at Ben as he fought to keep his eyes open. "We did talk. But she's upset and–"_

 _"She's upset? Why's she upset?" Cook cut in worriedly._

 _Effy looked at him like he'd completely lost the plot. "She just broke up with you, you idiot."_

 _"But…"_

 _"Cook, just because she didn't love you like you loved her doesn't mean you don't matter. It still hurts." Effy stood up and lifted Ben out of Cook's arms. "We all need some time. Maybe something will happen between me and Katie, maybe not. But the three of us need to stick together, okay?"_

 _"Food-based threesome it is." Effy sighed and Cook ruffled her hair. "Don't worry princess, you couldn't get rid of me even if you tried."_

 _Effy searched his eyes until she found the truth. "Katie wants Ben for tonight so you and I are going to get extraordinarily pissed. Hit a strip club, get in a couple of punch ups." Cook gave her a confused look. "Unless you'd rather I break out the chick flicks and ice cream?"_

 **Chapter 12: Naomi**

March 2015 (London)

"For delinquents on the run, you sure have a lot of crap." Naomi complains as she lifts the final box out of the boot of her car.

Effy grabs a knapsack of toys from the back seat and kicks the door shut. "We've got a kid and a Katie. They come with accessories." Effy looks down at Ben, watching their every move from his position on her hip. He'd been clinging to her all night, throwing a fit in the middle of Pizza Hut when she'd tried to pass him off to Naomi. It wasn't unexpected, he'd never been big on strangers, but she was surprised when he refused to go with Cook. It seemed Ben was determined to keep Effy in sight, and until he fell asleep, Effy was stuck packing up the flat while Cook and Emily were out looking for Katie.

Naomi opens the door and drops the box at her feet, sighing when she takes in the state of her living room. "I love her and everything, but christ, Emily can come up with some spectacularly bad ideas."

Effy sits down on the edge of the sofa. "It is a bit Big Brother."

Naomi shifts a box off the coffee table. "Katie and I in the same flat? Blood and tears." Effy stays quiet and Naomi looks up. "Sorry, I know you're...whatevering her."

"Dating?" Effy corrects with amusement.

"But I thought her and Cook..." Off Effy's startled look, Naomi backtracks. "Nevermind." Effy waits with a unnerving stare. "Uh, well...they were kind of coupley the other night."

"Oh, that." Effy sinks down onto the couch, shifting Ben to her lap. "Cook was there to give her a couple lines. It was the only way we thought you'd let him stay." Effy pauses. "If you thought they were dating why would she be sleeping with me?"

"I don't know, I thought you shared her or something." Effy raises an eyebrow and Naomi sits down beside her. "Oh shut up, all three of you act like you're in a commune. Orgies for all."

Effy laughs. "Not quite. More like a three person parenting team." Effy runs her hand through Ben's hair and he looks up at her. "Hi."

"Fast."

Effy looks around the room. Finding what she wants, she uses her foot to catch the strap of her laptop case and pulls it into arms reach. She sets up the computer on her knees, places a pair of headphones over Ben's ears and starts up The Fast and the Furious.

Naomi raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

"He likes cars." Ben watches with rapt attention and Effy taps the side of his earphones. "Plus, soundproof."

Naomi nods and glances towards the kitchen. "Beer?"

"Sure." Effy peers over Ben's shoulder to check out the movie.

Naomi returns with the beers and reclaims her spot, throwing her feet up onto the coffee table. "So. Foster." Effy looks over in surprise and Naomi passes her a bottle. "What happened Ef?"

Effy rests her head on the back of the couch. "He killed Freddie." Effy tries to leave it there but Naomi's stare is unyielding. "I didn't mean to stab him. I had the knife in my hand and he lunged at me. There was so much blood." Effy takes a sip of her beer. "When Katie and I first got there, I went looking for Freddie. He was in the basement. His...I could hardly recognise him. And there were bruises. Everywhere. He must have been in so much pain." Naomi places her hand on top of Effy's. "Katie screamed and I grabbed a knife from the kitchen."

Naomi waits for Effy to continue, but she doesn't, staring into space. "It's not your fault Effy."

"Isn't it? Foster did it for me." Effy picks at the label on her bottle. "Freddie's dead, Cook's riddled with guilt, Katie hates herself so much that she doesn't care what happens to her."

"Effy..."

"And I lost it Naomi. Totally fucking lost it. It didn't know what was real and what wasn't. There were voices. Shadows. Freddie would be alive, standing right next to me, then I'd be in some house, with a bunch of people I didn't know."

Naomi examines Effy's face. "And now?"

"It's there. Sometimes."

Naomi squeezes Effy's hand, hating the defeated tone in her voice. "You were a kid Effy. A fucked up kid who was trying to get help. You didn't make Foster do what he did."

The ringing phone startles them both, Effy wipes at her eyes as Naomi reaches over to pick it up.

"Hello?" Naomi cringes at the voice on the other end. "It's lovely to speak to you too Jenna." Effy raises an eyebrow as Naomi downs the rest of her beer in one go. "No, she's working. Best to wait for her to call." Naomi rolls her eyes. "Yes, I'm writing it down right now. Emily phone your mother. Underlined and everything." Naomi pulls the phone away from her ear. "Annnnnd goodbye to you too." She puts the phone down and slumps in her seat. "Five years and she still can't refer to me by name." Effy chuckles and Naomi turns towards her. "I don't know what you're laughing about, she's going to eat you alive. Molesting her pride and joy that you hit with a rock and abducted for three years? There will be a picture of me above the dinning room table."

"Sorry, you're out of luck on that one. I'm dead."

"I don't even think death is enough of an excuse for Jenna Fitch." Effy laughs and Naomi tilts her head. "But really, you're never planning to go back to Bristol?"

"Onwards and upwards."

Naomi hesitates. "Far be it for me to involve myself with the Fitches any more than I have to, but don't you think Jenna and Rob deserve to know Katie's alright? Her disappearance hit them pretty hard, and with the divorce...it's been rough."

"I'm not her keeper. Katie makes her own decisions."

"Yeah, okay." Naomi sits back in her seat. "I know how stubborn they are." Off Effy's puzzled look, Naomi elaborates. "The twins."

"Don't let either of them hear you call them that."

Naomi laughs. "God, I know. It's like I committed a crime." They both take a minute to watch Paul Walker take his shirt off on Ben's screen. "Does anyone else know you're alive?"

"My mum, Tony. I sent a postcard to Panda."

Naomi stands up and lifts the bottle out of Effy's hand. "You couldn't have taken five minutes to do the same for Emily?"

"Katie's decision, remember?"

"Last time I checked you're your own person. You could have–" Naomi stops when Effy's phone goes off.

Effy shoots her an apologetic look and fishes it out her pocket, checking the caller ID as she answers the call. "Hey Em." Effy sits up straight, instinctively pulling Ben against her chest. "What do you want?" Naomi pauses halfway to the kitchen, unnerved by Effy's icy tone. "Not a chance in hell. She's not–"

Effy pulls the phone away from her ear and looks up at Naomi in shock. "Sean has Emily."

 **Chapter 13: Emily**

March 2015 (London)

Emily hasn't spent much time thinking about being kidnapped, but based off movies and fearmonging headlines, she's pictured it a tad more exciting than this. Sitting on a couch watching blokes play video games. Granted, there had been a gun pointed at her head for the first half of the experience, but after Sean's 'that's her sister you fuckwits' had been declared, she'd been dumped in some rundown house and told to stay put. It seemed Effy's concerns about Sean tracing Katie through the police report were well founded, and after Katie's picture had been flashed around certain circles, Emily made the mistake of walking up to someone who was rather interested in Sean's monetary reward.

The door to a mysterious backroom swings open and a blonde woman saunters out. Nice rack, but her demeanour screams trouble, and Emily has to force herself not to squirm under the penetrating stare. "Got your sister."

"Oh." Emily doesn't really know what else to say. She's relieved that Katie has been found, but in the grand scheme of things, Katie being reunited with Sean is leading nowhere good.

"In a right state apparently." The blonde crosses the room and stands in front of Emily. "Val."

"Emily." Emily bites her lip. "Is she...I mean, can I see her?"

Val shrugs and walks away, lifting a purse from the table. "On a run. Feed her would you?"

One of the boys grunts. "I don't see why we have to babysit."

"Sean wants his kid." Val tucks a gun into the back of her jeans, covering it with a leather coat. "So don't fuck it up."

"Bitch." He mutters as she disappears out the door, turning back to the screen.

Emily sits, and waits, and waits some more. Just as she's about to ask to go to the bathroom for lack of nothing better to do, the front door opens.

Sean steps into the house and Emily's off her seat in an instant, horrified by Katie's limp body in his arms. "Sit." Sean warns as he moves towards the stairs, nodding to the others to keep her in place. Emily sits back down, unable to tear her eyes away from Katie's blue lips until Sean disappears out of view.

The other three go back to their video game, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Katie is about to go into cardiac arrest one floor above them. "Please let me see her."

"Sorry sweetcheeks. Sean's op, Sean's rules."

Emily swallows down a wave of nausea, trying to hear over the guns shots from the tv. Sean reappears at the top of the stairs and Emily's heart stops, the threat of everything being over so quickly throwing her thoughts into a tailspin. "Go deal with her." Emily stares at Sean, unable to get past Katie and dead. He drops an empty syringe into a beer bottle and looks at her like she's retarded. "Katie. You can go see her?"

The meaning of Sean's words sink in and Emily leaps up. "Where?"

"Second door." She runs at the stairs, pushing Sean out of her way in her race to the top. She bursts into the room and finds Katie lying on a bathroom floor.

Her breathing is slow and shallow, but it's there, and Emily can't stop the sob of relief that escapes her as she drops to Katie's side. It's bad, that much she knows, and apart from the fresh needle marks on her arms she has no clue to what her sister has taken. But the blue lips are gone, the greyish tone to her skin has faded, and as Emily presses her fingers against Katie's neck, she's rewarded with a weak but steady pulse.

Emily presses her sleeve against her eyes, trying to calm down from her near hysteria. "I'm going to fucking kill you." Emily lets out another half sob and brushes some hair off Katie's forehead. "You stupid stupid bitch." Emily rests her hand on Katie's chest, needing to feel the rise and fall, and watches as her sister's eyes start to flutter open.

"For the last time, neither of you are coming with me."

"Effy, he told Katie he'd kill you." Cook argues as she switches the sim card in her mobile. "We have a gun. If I get in there and pull it on Sean he'll have no choice but to let Emily go."

Naomi hovers by the door, already wearing her shoes and a jacket. "Less talking, more moving."

"Think about what he did to Katie. What he did to you." Effy shoots Cook a warning look, reminding him they have to keep Naomi calm, before emptying her wallet of any cards with a name on it. Cook sighs and softens his tone. "All I'm saying is strength in numbers. I have your back, there's no reason for you to do this alone."

Effy drops a Swiss army knife into her boot and looks up at Cook. "Taking a gun is asking to get shot. Not only will someone take it off you before you're even through the door, it will piss Sean off and make him far less willing to let Emily go. And if by some fluke you actually manage to get to him, there's going to be a hell of a lot more guns pointed back at us."

Effy grabs a pack of fags off the hall table and turns to Naomi. "And the only thing that will put Emily in more danger is you being there. Sean will not hesitate to hurt you and Emily will be willing to do whatever it takes to keep you safe. I want to get her out, not give Sean an incentive to keep her around."

"I can't just stay here and do nothing. What if it were Katie? Emily's..." Naomi swallows, her eyes overrunning with tears. "She's everything."

"I know." Effy stops in front of Naomi. "I'll get her back. He won't hurt her as long as he needs her to get Ben. You keep Ben safe, you keep Emily safe." After a beat, Naomi nods.

Effy gives her the most reassuring smile she can manage and refocuses on Cook. "And you need to keep looking for Katie. If someone recognised Emily, it's only a matter of time before they find her too." Cook opens his mouth to argue but Effy cuts back in. "Sean wants her for a reason James, payback or otherwise, and I can't let him..." Effy shakes the thought away. "She's more important, okay?"

"Please Effy..." Cook pleads, a desperate tone in his voice. "You can't go alone."

"But she won't be." All three of them spin around to look at the newcomer standing in the door. "Will you Ef?"

Despite the circumstances, Effy can't help but smile. "Always gotta make an entrance."

Tony walks into the flat and sweeps Effy up into a hug. "It's good to see you."

Effy lets herself have a moment of weakness, drawing comfort from Tony and the feeling of home, before she pulls back and recovers her determination. "What are you doing here?"

"Deadbeat dad reporting for duty." Tony pulls a wrapped present out his bag and tosses it onto the couch. "Although by the sounds of it, I'm moonlighting as a body guard." Effy narrows her eyes, informing him he's doing no such thing, but Tony simply raises an eyebrow, amused and entirely unswayed by her threatening glare. After a long drawn out silence, Effy grabs her keys. Tony grins. "Just wait till you see my new ride. I haven't been shagged this much since first year."

Cook glances between them. "No way. He's allowed to go but I'm not?"

Tony looks Cook up and down. "Still breaking hearts I see."

Effy rolls her eyes. "No, we're..." Tony's smirk grows as Effy struggles to find a word to describe what they are. "Friends." Effy holds up her hand to stop whatever smart ass comment Tony is about to make. "Cook, you cannot take him on."

"I'm not–"

"You are. This isn't about you and your pride. This is about Ben and Katie and what we need to do to keep them safe." Effy pulls on her leather jacket, worn in by years of use. "I know what he can do James. Trust me. Please."

"I'll take care of her." Tony gives Cook a sincere nod over Effy's shoulder. Cook turns around and disappears into the bedroom without a look back.

Effy sighs and moves towards Naomi. "Here." Effy presses a roll of bills into Naomi's hand. "This should be enough for a week at a Marriott. Doesn't matter which one. Don't let anyone know where you are, we'll come find you." Effy glances at the bedroom door and pulls a folded piece of paper out her pocket. "I made you a list for Ben. Routines, allergies, likes..."

"How motherly." Tony comments, texting away on his phone.

Effy flips him off without taking her eyes away from Naomi's. "He can be a bit of a handful, but he's a good kid. Please don't let him scare you off with–"

Naomi touches Effy's arm. "We'll be fine Ef."

Effy bites down on her lip. "I'm sorry." Naomi squeezes her arm and Effy steps back, turning to check on Tony. "Ready?"

"Just about..." Tony finishes his message and hits send. "Done." He throws the mobile into his bag and looks at Effy. "Right. Let's fuck some shit up."

Chapter 15: Katie

March 2015 (London)

"I want Emily."

Emily sits down on the edge of the bathtub and readjusts the cold cloth pressed against her cheek. "Katie, it is Emily." Katie shakes her head, pulling her arms further around herself. Katie's return to consciousness was marked by an angry punch and a frantic scramble into the space between the wall and the toilet, her knees pulled up to her chest and her face buried in her arms. Emily's attempts to talk Katie out of her hiding spot, pointing out that they were in a bathroom, assuring her that she was safe, reminding her that she was on a shitload of something that was making her crazy had turned out to be less than successful.

Katie's shoulders are shaking, the sound of her quiet sobs reverberating around the small space. "Katie, it's me. I promise." Emily reaches out to touch Katie's knee but she flinches away. "For fuck sakes Katie, look up would you? It's Emily. Your sister." Katie's eyes lift at Emily's exasperated tone and Emily gives her a nervous smile. "Emsy erehay?"

Katie stares at her for a second, then lunges forward, knocking them both into the bathtub with a panic-stricken hug. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I missed you so much."

Emily blinks up at the ceiling, dazed by a knock to her head. "What–"

"You hated me then you were gone and I was all alone." Katie's fingers dig into Emily's side with bruising strength. "Don't leave me."

Emily struggles to get out from underneath her sister's weight. Not once in her entire life has Emily ever seen Katie so distraught. Not when she fell out of a tree and broke her arm. Not when she gave her virginity to some prick who dumped her the next day. Not even at Effy's funeral. "Katie, calm down. I'm not going anywhere."

Katie cries harder, clinging to Emily. "I didn't mean to."

Emily finally manages to get a hold on the side of the bath and pulls herself upright. "Okay, I have no idea what you're on about, but I've never hated you. You're the one that–shit." Emily scrambles out of the tub, hauls Katie over the side and drags her towards the toilet as she starts vomiting violently. A horrible dark yellow liquid spills out of Katie's mouth as Emily props her up over the toilet, holding as much of her hair back as she can. The whole thing stops as abruptly as it started with Katie going limp in Emily's arms, her skin sweaty and her eyes closed. Emily leans forward and finds blood in the bowl. "Fuck." Emily shakes Katie in panic. "Katie? Can you hear me?"

Katie's eyes blink open. "Emily?" She goes to lift her head, but rethinks it when a searing pain threatens to knock her back unconscious. "What the fuck?"

Emily finds the washcloth that was knocked out of her hand and wipes Katie's mouth. "You were sick. I think you've ruptured something. There's blood."

Katie shakes her head. "Throat. I can feel it."

"Oh." Emily drops the cloth to her side and looks Katie over. "Are you alright?"

Katie nods, resting her cheek on the toilet seat. "Where are we?"

"A bathroom." Sheet white and face down in a toilet, Katie still manages to give her sister an annoyed glare. Emily bites her lip. "Okay, so, don't freak out but... Sean brought us here."

"What?" This time Katie manages to get her head up, clutching both sides of the toilet as everything spins around her. "Ems, we have to get out of here."

"Katie, you can't even sit up."

"No." Katie gives Emily's shoulder a pathetic push. "You can't be here."

Emily grabs Katie's hand, stilling it in place. "Calm down."

"No." Katie shakes her head frantically. "You don't understand. He's the reason I haven't talked to you. He raped Effy and attacked me and he'll do anything to get back at us. You have to go."

"What do you mean he attacked you?" Katie grabs onto the counter and makes a failed attempted at pulling herself off the ground. "Katie."

"He pressed me up against a wall and I pulled his gun on him and now he wants to kill Effy." Katie explains in a rush, still struggling to get to her feet.

"Jesus." Emily process that for a second, then grabs Katie's waist and pulls her down. "Would you stop? You're going to make yourself sick."

"It's only going to get worse from here." Katie argues, pushing Emily's hand away from her. "It's so painful Ems. Every second feels like an eternity. I can't do it. I can't go through it again."

"Yes you can."

"No, it's–"

"Cut the bullshit Katie." Emily snaps angrily. "You're the strongest person I know, and addicted or not, you know exactly what you're doing. I get that you've been through a lot and I know that the drugs are fucking with your head, but this isn't you. You never back down from anything, even when you should."

Katie finally gives up on standing up and slumps against the wall. "Well maybe I'm sick of being strong."

"I know you better than that." Emily replies, searching her sister's eyes, trying to see past the smudged mascara and dilated pupils.

After a beat, Katie bangs her head back against the wall. "I just don't want to be me, alright?"

"I don't understand."

"I picked on you for eighteen years. I attacked Effy at Gobbler's End. I smashed Foster's skull in with a bat. I fucked the man who raped my best friend. I can't be left alone with Ben. All I do is hurt people, and sometimes, I just want to forget."

"Hey." Emily grabs Katie's hand. "I forgave you for everything years ago. And from the way Effy looks at you, I'm pretty sure she has too. You're human, you're allowed to make mistakes."

"I killed a man." Katie states hollowly.

Emily squeezes Katie's hand. "And according to Effy, saved all three of your lives." Katie doesn't say anything. "Yes you're impulsive, and yes you have a temper, but Foster was trying to kill you Katie. Not everyone would be able to stand up to him, but you did because that's who you are, someone who's protective and brave and strong. I love you. Effy loves you. Ben loves you. Mum and dad love you. And the only way you're hurting any of us is by not caring about yourself."

Katie tilts her head up, trying to hold back tears. "I don't think you get how important you really are. James posts a picture of you on facebook every week. JJ has made the most complex thought board you could ever imagine to map out places you could be. Naomi always brings you up in conversation, whether I'm there or not, making sure everyone gets the twin connection and your name." Katie looks at Emily in surprise. "Dad has rung everyone you've ever met since preschool. Mum interrogated Pandora's mother, Freddie's dad and JJ's mum, who accidentally outed me as a one time heterosexual and managed to instil so much false hope in mum that she set me up on a blind date." The corner of Katie's mouth twitch and Emily nods. "Yeah, that was a fun one." Emily intertwines her fingers with Katie. "But nothing compares to mum showing up at Gina's door all by herself. It was pretty fucking amazing Katie. She put aside everything else to sit down and talk about what could have happened to make you leave."

Katie sniffs, looking guilty. "And me? God, I've been a fucking disaster. You should be embarrassed on my behalf. I've missed you so much. So fucking much." Emily shifts until she's kneeling in front of her sister. "And I'm sorry for what I said to Effy, and hiding at school, and not being there when you needed me. It was a shitty thing to do, but I felt so guilty. I couldn't stand the way you looked at me and everything in Bristol reminded me of what I did."

Katie grunts. "You stupid cow, I didn't want you around because I knew you'd find out about the drugs. I couldn't have you asking questions Ems."

"Oh." Emily bites her lip, looking hopeful. "You really weren't mad at me?"

Katie sighs. "A bit. But mostly I was trying to keep you far away from my fucked up life." Katie gestures around the bathroom. "For good reason."

Emily sits on her heels and looks Katie over, still unconvinced that she can stand. "Yeah, well I'd rather be here with you than still wondering where you are."

"That's sweet. We can die together."

"He wouldn't actually..." Emily trails off at the look on Katie's face. "Effy said he wanted you back. Alive."

"Yes, well, that was before I kneed him in the balls and stole his gun. He might be a little less receptive to the happily ever after this time round."

"Shit." Emily replies nervously.

"Yes Emily, shit. This is why we need to–" Emily and Katie turn around when the bathroom door flies open.

"The dark haired one."

"Hey, don't–" Emily's protest is cut off as two men rip the twins apart, the first one hauling Katie off the floor and throwing her over his shoulder and the second grabbing Emily's arm and dragging her out the room.

Katie is carried down the stairs and dumped in the middle of the living room, landing on her hands and knees. "Still want to claim she's safe?" Katie looks up and finds Effy and Tony standing the doorway. Effy is decidedly pale, and Katie doesn't miss the death grip Tony has on her elbow. Sean presses his gun against Kate's temple and clears his throat. "So Effy, let's try this again. Where the fuck is my son?"

 **Chapter 15: Effy**

March 2015 (London)

Katie looks up at Effy, giving her a barely detectable smile. The room continues to spin around her, but the thought of Sean, Effy and Emily in a house together is enough to make Katie fight for her consciousness.

Effy shakes Tony off her arm and steps forward. "Leave her alone Sean. This is between you and me."

Sean laughs, grabbing a handful of Katie's hair and tugging her head around so Effy can see her every wince. "Don't think so Ef. Katie and I have some unfinished business, don't we sweetheart?" Sean tightens his grip but Katie doesn't give him the satisfaction of a response. "Where's Ben?"

Katie pushes down a wave of nausea, then regrets not spewing all over Sean's shoes. "Don't know. Been out of it for days."

"Don't fuck with me Katie. About all you're good for is a shag." Sean glances up at Val, casually observing the proceedings by the couch. As if on cue, two of Sean's boys saunter out of the back room and assume positions by the front door.

Sean nods at Val, then crouches down in front of Katie, the gun still pressed to the side of her head. "So where is he?" Katie shrugs and Sean jerks her head back a little more. "Don't make me kill you."

"Please do. I've got a bitch of a headache." Katie smirks at Sean's obvious annoyance, but it falters when she catches sight of Effy's disapproving glower.

"I have something for you." Katie's attention snaps back to Sean. "Quality product. As pure as you can get."

"Fuck off." Katie replies instantly, but her eyes still dart towards the back room.

Sean leans in close. "Take me to Ben and you can have as much you want."

Katie can't help the laugh that bubbles out of her. "Jesus Christ Sean, you're going to have to do a lot better than that. I don't know where he is, and even if I did, there's no fucking way I'd tell you."

"Go get her sister." Katie tries to keep the panic off her face, but from the way Sean is grinning at her she knows she isn't anywhere near successful. "I don't know where Ben is." Katie reiterates, and this time there's a hint of desperation in her voice.

Sean regards her carefully, then growls, shoving her away with the realisation that she's telling the truth. She crashes back onto the floor, landing on her elbow with a painful grimace. Back on his feet, Sean points his gun at Katie's sprawled out form and waits as Emily is dragged down the stairs.

"Fiesty." Sean comments as Emily takes one last swipe at her captor. Now free, Emily looks around the room, her eyes darting between Katie, Effy and Tony with increasing alarm.

"She doesn't know anything Sean." Effy interjects, and if it weren't for the way she has her hands jammed into her jacket pockets so violently, Emily wouldn't even know that she was standing in a room with her girlfriend held at gunpoint.

Sean fingers the trigger on the gun. "I'm getting really tired of this shit. Someone better–"

"Oh get over it." Tony moves towards Effy, but the boys are on him with surprising speed. "You loved her. She thought you were a prick. End of fucking story." Tony cries out as his arm is twisted behind his back, but keeps his gaze locked on Sean. "I get that he's your son, but you'd make a completely shit father. And trust me when I say Effy and I can spot them a mile off."

Sean sends a bullet into the floor, right by Katie's head. "Say something like that again and I'm aiming for her neck." Katie's heart is in her throat, the shot having taken her completely by surprise, and from the looks on Emily and Effy's faces, she's not the only one.

Tony looks Sean up and down. "You know, Effy gives you far too much credit. None of us are going to tell you where Ben is. All of us have people in our lives who are going to notice we're missing. So you either free us or kill us, and I would really prefer that you start making a decision because all this dick waving is really fucking dull."

Sean regards Tony for a minute, before stepping over Katie to stare him down. "You know, I think you'd be amazed by how much Effy says when she's high Tony."

"Shut the fuck up Sean." Effy's expression remains neutral, but there's no mistaking the warning in her voice.

Sean raises an eyebrow in her direction. "Manners Elizabeth." Both Effy and Katie flinch at the unwelcome reminder of Foster, giving Sean all the ammunition he needs. "So Anthony, do you know how much your sister hates you for not visiting her at the hospital? And that she thinks you're too much like your father? And that if you give her enough pills she'll fuck anything in front of anyone who wants to watch?"

"Well that's nowhere near as appalling as her fucking you." Tony replies mildly.

"Do you know that I used to hold her down and–motherfucker!" Katie's kick lands a little off target, and with a lot less force than she'd like, but she still manages to make solid contact with Sean's knee. Effy and Emily are shooting her scarily identical glares, but it's more than worth it to watch Sean's pained curses. After a few seconds, he manages to get a hold of himself and turns on her with open rage. "Jealous Katie? Because I can treat you just the same."

"Touch her and it'll be the last thing you do." Emily growls, more than ready to charge at Sean's back. Sean ignores the threat as he grabs the front of Katie's shirt and hauls her off the floor.

"Don't you fucking dare."

For a second, Sean thinks Katie's talking to him, but she's staring Effy down over his shoulder and he whips round to take in the exchange. Before either of them have a chance to cover their tracks, Sean tosses Katie aside, crosses the room and slams Effy up against the wall. "Well isn't this interesting."

Effy glares at him with all she's worth. "Fuck you."

"Since you asked."

Tony thrashes against his hold and Katie is off the ground in a split second, stopped only by Emily's arms wrapped around her waist.

"Katie." Effy warns as Emily fights to hold her in place. Katie slows her efforts to get free, but doesn't stop, looking at Effy pleadingly. "Don't you fucking dare." Effy gives Katie as much of a teasing smile as she can manage. After a slight pause, the words have their intended effect and Katie slumps against Emily in a way that probably isn't safe for either of them.

Sean presses Effy into the wall. "So tell me, were you fucking her at the same time you were fucking me?" Effy's only reply is an amused smirk. Sean moves his hand to her throat. "Katie?"

"No." Katie answers as Effy begins to fight for air.

Sean relaxes his grip but doesn't let go of Effy's neck, using his height advantage to tower over her. "I think you should go first. Show Katie how it's done."

Effy's eyes seek out Katie's, a silent agreement passing between them. Katie takes a breath, relying on the words of comfort Emily is whispering in her ear. "Do whatever you want Sean. To me. To her. You're not going anywhere near our son."

Sean slams his fist straight into Effy's stomach. She doubles over, winded by the hit, and despite her words, Emily still has to use all of her strength to hold Katie back. After a few seconds, Effy lifts her head, determined not to let him win. Without any hesitation, Sean pistol whips her in the face, slicing her lip and ripping open a deep gash across her cheek.

"Let me go." Katie demands as Effy spits out a mouthful of blood. Emily knows better than to reply, but doesn't loosen her grip in the slightest.

"Anyone feeling chatty?" Sean questions, looking at Katie, Emily and Tony in turn.

"We don't know where he is Sean." Tony growls. "Effy's the only one that does."

"Nice try." Sean pushes Effy back against the wall, lifting the gun to her head. "But she's done. Any last words?"

"Sean!" Katie yells from Emily's arms.

Effy smiles, licking the blood off her lips. "Get fucked."

Sean moves the barrel to the middle of her forehead. "Say hi to Foster for me."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Cook warns, stepping out the back room with a gun aimed at Sean's head. Val pulls out a gun from under her jacket and points it at Cook at the same time Sean grabs Effy and shoves her in front of him, effectively placing her at the centre of the three person standoff.

"I'll do it." Sean threatens, his finger lightly pressing on the trigger.

"So will I." Cook replies darkly.

Sean nods towards Val without moving his eyes away from Effy. "Problem is, so will she."

The room lapses into a tense silence, with Cook, Sean and Val watching each others' every move. Tony clears his throat. "Fun fact, Benjamin Stonem is at a Marriott with Naomi Campbell."

Effy turns to Tony incredulously.

Startled by Naomi's name, Emily loses her grip on Katie.

Katie runs at Effy.

Cook runs at Katie.

And Sean and Val pull their triggers.

 **Chapter 16: Adrian**

March 2015 (London)

Effy shifts somewhere underneath Katie and Cook rolls off the top of their pile up, exposing her to a blast of cold air. Katie lifts herself off Effy with a push up that would make her father proud and frantically runs her eyes down her body. "Babe?"

Effy groans. "Have you ever considered taking up rugby?"

Katie clamours over Effy without the slightest regard for delicateness and pushes Cook onto his back. "Shit." The front of his shirt is soaked with blood, a pained expression on his face. "Where are you hit?" Cook's eyes roll back in his head and Katie shakes him roughly. "James!" His eyes snap open and Katie presses down where the stain is spreading on his shirt. "Don't even think about dying you motherfucking pr–" Katie lets out a cry of alarm as Val pushes her out the way and drops to Cook's side.

"Get the fuck away from him!" Katie dives forward, but someone's arms wrap around her from behind and drag her away. "Get off me!"

"Katie!"

"Get off me! He's hurt! He needs–"

"Katie!" Katie freezes when she recognises Tony's voice in her ear. "She's an undercover cop. She's going to help him."

Katie blinks, her tunnel vision clearing enough to take in the police officers flooding through the door. Out of nowhere, Emily crashes into Katie's side and Tony's arms slip away.

"Don't you ever do that to me again!" Emily chastises angrily, shoving Katie backwards at the same time she's pulling her into a suffocating hug. "I thought…" Emily takes a ragged breath. "He aimed right at you."

At the reminder of Sean, Katie pulls away, anxiously scanning the room for his presence. A group of police officers are huddled by the couch, and as one bends down to retrieve a gun from the floor, Katie gets a clear look at Sean's body, a pool of blood forming underneath his head. Emily knows what she's looking at, but doesn't turn around. "Val shot him. Just as he shot at you."

Katie steps back into Emily's embrace without a word, returning her attention to Cook. The paramedics have arrived, one of them applying pressure to the side of his rib cage as the other hooks up oxygen and a drip. Effy is sitting against the wall, a painfully blank expression on her face. Tony is by her side, but it's clear she's not listening to a word he's saying, staring at Cook as he starts to convulse on the floor in front of them.

Katie breaks away from Emily and races across the room, sidestepping an officer who reaches out to keep her away from growing commotion. "Leave it mate." Tony warns, placing a protective hand on Katie's shoulder as she slumps down beside Effy. "She's family."

"Stay back and let 'em do their job." The officer orders gruffly, but walks away under Tony's stern glare.

Effy's hand is limp in Katie's as they watch Cook being lifted onto a stretcher and prepared for transit, the constant blood loss leaving him pale and unresponsive. Katie hears the paramedics toss the word arrest around, but she can't concentrate enough to make sense of it, not when Cook's foot is hanging off the side of the stretcher so precariously, those ugly blue loafers he loved so much stained with blood.

Katie jumps when Emily touches her shoulder, and the fact that Effy doesn't even notice is disconcerting at best. "I just talked to Naomi. The police are with her and Ben."

"Oh god, I didn't even–"

"It's okay, Tony's going to go meet them." Emily interrupts gently, crouching down in front of her sister. Katie frowns when she catches sight Tony on other side of the room, unaware that he'd moved from their side. "I'm going to go with Cook in the ambulance."

"What? But–"

"He has a punctured lung and lot of blood loss, but they think he's stable." Emily glances over at Tony, talking to two officers with an uncharacteristically serious expression on his face. Tony gives her a small nod and she stands up. "I'll let you know as soon as I hear something."

"Ems…"

Emily backs away from Katie's confused plea. "I love you." With one last look at her sister, Emily chases the stretcher out the door. Katie looks around with the sudden realisation that she's sitting in a room full of police officers. But she can't exactly grab Effy and disappear from the scene of a shoot out, not when the authorities have Ben and Cook, and not when Tony and Emily are so clearly involved.

Effy is still staring at the floor, the blood stains turning clinical as evidence markers are set up in front of them. An official pulls a sheet over Sean's body and Katie kneels, turning her back on the scene and shielding Effy from the view.

"Effy?" Katie moulds herself against the legs Effy has pulled up to her chest. "Talk to me." Effy looks up, entirely too calm, and Katie's chest constricts with something she thought she'd never feel again. Foster. Razors. Pills. The ghost of Effy's lips on her forehead every time she snuck out the door. But Katie's not a scared 17 year old kid, and she knows Effy well enough to catch the wheeze in her breath and the way her fingers are clutching at the floor. "Words babe."

Effy swallows, focusing on Katie's eyes. "I…" Katie waits, running her thumb over the top of Effy's knee. "Not again."

Katie leans forward until her hands are planted by Effy's sides. "I won't let you go back there."

Effy takes a shuddery breath and Katie kisses her softly, making sure not to press down on her split lip. But the kiss tastes of blood, a lot more than it should, Katie pulls back when she realises that she's the one contributing it.

Effy seems to come to the same conclusion, leaning away with an alarmed look on her face. "You're bleeding."

"It's not mine." Katie states quietly, wiping her hands on her jeans with a certain sense of urgency. It doesn't do much, the blood having stained the skin underneath. For a second Katie wonders if she has been hit, the adrenaline and drugs having turned her body numb, but she'd felt Cook come tumbling down on top of her, and although she'll have bruises from the hard landing, she's sure she's entirely unscathed. Unlike Effy whose face is battered and bloody, her damaged cheek already starting to swell.

Katie reaches up and touches the uninjured portion of Effy's chin. "Bastard."

Effy seems rather unconcerned about the whole thing, looking at Katie with increasingly narrowed eyes. "Are you sure you're not hurt?" Katie nods, trying to decide if Effy's eyebrow needs stitches. "Good." Effy drops her legs so there's some space between them and punches Katie as hard as she can.

"Jesus!" Katie yelps, clutching at her arm. "What the fuck? That really hurt."

"Just be glad there's no rocks." Effy replies coldly. "What the fuck were you thinking? He had a gun."

"Pointed at you." Katie mutters, rubbing her arm.

"He could have killed you."

"He could have killed you." Katie snaps back, now just as angry. "You don't owe me Effy. Not for anything you've done, not for Sean, not for Foster. I did it because I wanted to. Because even although you're an up herself cunt I love you and I don't want you to die."

After a tense beat, Effy sighs. "Yeah, well, I guess the feeling's mutual." She hesitates, then reaches for Katie's hand. "You're a fucking idiot Katie."

Katie slides forward until she's sitting between Effy's legs. "That's not quite sorry now is it?"

"I'll apologise when you apologise."

"Never."

"Never." Effy answers right back, and to anyone but Katie, her glare would be unnerving. They stare at each other for a long, drawn out beat, before Effy caves and leans in to wipe the triumphant smirk off Katie's face. The build up may have been fierce but the kiss is anything but, both girls taking extra care not to put any unnecessary pressure on Effy's lip.

Effy tenses and Katie pulls away quickly. "I'm sorry, did that hurt?"

Effy's lips quirk at Katie's accidental apology, but she has no time to capitalise on it, not when Val is standing over them. "I didn't mean to interrupt." Katie whips round in surprise, her hands falling away from Effy's shirt. Effy gives her a light tap on the thigh and Katie moves to the side, focusing on the way Effy's fingers tighten around her own. "You don't need to look so scared. I'm a police officer." Val holds out her hand. "Constable Adrian Burke." When it becomes apparent that Katie and Effy aren't going to do anything but stare, Adrian pulls her hand back. "I've been looking for you two for a very long time."

Katie slumps against the wall. "She had nothing to do with it."

"Katie." Effy warns under her breath, before turning back to Adrian. "What my girlfriend means is that we had nothing to do with this."

Adrian sticks her hands in her pockets, and for the first time, Effy notices the blood on Adrian's clothes. Her hands are clean, having been scrubbed of all bodily fluids, but there's something about the way she's carrying herself that makes her seem entirely different than the person she was before. "I was planted in Sean McGrath's operation last year. Narcotics could trace his distribution but couldn't figure out how his imports were coming in." Adrian looks at Katie, but refrains from saying anything. "It was supposed to be a simple take down investigation, but Sean started to go off all these strange tangents. Comments about his kidnapped son, fake suicides, dead doctors. We identified both of you easily enough, but we had no idea who the child was. And Sean made repeated threats on all of your lives. Including rape."

"It wasn't just a threat." Katie says quietly.

Adrian nods. "I'm aware. And we have his comments on record." Effy clenches her jaw and refuses to make eye contact with either of them. "The Bristol police have been building a case against him for over a year. We tried to track you down, but you were always on the move, disappearing before anyone could connect you to our files." She pauses, then turns to Effy. "I'm sorry I had to put you through all that with Sean, but we needed a lock on Ben's location. Three of Sean's boys were unaccounted for and you were both wild cards in the room."

"We're not associated with Sean." Effy replies defensively.

Adrian sighs. "Katie has been implicated in the importation and distribution of Class A narcotics."

"What? She hasn't even–"

"Ef." Katie interrupts with a look.

Adrian ignores Effy's fierce glare and focuses on Katie. "We're willing to make you a deal. You provide us with the details of Sean's operation and we'll drop all drug related charges against you."

Katie blinks. "Are you serious?"

"The law isn't known for its levity."

"Fuck." Katie glances at Effy, who seems just as surprised. "I mean sure. Yes. I'll tell you everything I know."

"Good." Adrian clears her throat. "Because unfortunately that's not all you're being charged with. We have reason to believe that Sean's accusations about John Foster and Frederick McClair's disappearances are true."

Katie squirms and Effy clamps down on her hand, warning her not to say a word.

"I'm not going to lie, there's a lot of evidence against you, but the case is still under investigation and some of Sean's comments have lead to new finds." Effy tilts her head, judging Adrian's sincerity. "You are both being charged with murder, arson and obstruction of justice."

"I did it. Not her."

"Katie." Effy growls, seriously debating whether to hold her hand against Katie's mouth.

Adrian glances around at the surrounding officers, then bends down to have a quieter conversation. "I'd wait till you hear the details of what you're both being accused of before you go around saying things like that." Adrian gives her a look. "Makes it a bit more convincing, hmm?"

Katie goes to say something, but Effy digs her nails into Katie's palm. "Don't even think about it. Remember the sometimes you say stupid shit conversation?"

Katie shoots her an overly annoyed glare and Adrian steps in. "Look, what I really need from you are statements. We have a lot of people saying a lot of different things and I want to have your side of the story. I can't tell you what a judge will do with it, but it's not hard to feel for what you've been through."

"What–"

"Katie." Effy cuts in immediately.

Katie grunts. "Fuck off would you, you're not a lawyer and I'm asking a non-incriminating question." Effy purses her lips, but stays quiet. "Christ." Katie turns back to Adrian. "What will happen to James?"

Adrian's face falls a little bit. "Once his condition has stabilised, we'll be bringing him in for his previous convictions." Katie sighs and Adrian gestures at a paramedic on the other side of the room. "I think that's enough for now. You both need some medical attention." Adrian gets to her feet as the paramedic arrives in front of them. "Once you're done, I'll take you down to the station." As expected, Effy gives her a sullen look, but Katie nods with just enough of a smile for Adrian to believe that she can help them after all. Ben, Katie, Effy and James, the four people who had been her life for an entire year. The truth of what really happened always just out of reach.

The paramedic unzips his first aid bag and extracts a folder of forms, running his eyes over Effy and Katie in a preliminary inspection. "Right." He points towards Effy, the more injured of the two. "Let's start with you. Name?"

"Elizabeth." Katie squeezes Effy's hand when she hesitates, the enormity of the question weighing down on them both. "Elizabeth Stonem. Congratulations, you just brought someone back from the dead."

 **Chapter 17: Cook**

April 2015 (London)

"No pudding?"

Naomi tosses a kebab onto the end of Cook's hospital bed, "Just be glad I'm not feeding you Jenna's stew."

Cook rips into the wrapper and takes a distressingly large bite. "Cheers, that cookie was sample enough."

Naomi inspects new delivery of flowers. Simple, yet pretty. The card unsigned. "Who sent these?"

"A lad never tells." Cook mutters through a mouthful of meat, sauce dribbling down his chin.

"Cook, I know more about your bodily functions than my own."

"Well feel free to share. Emily still hasn't brought me my Maxim."

Naomi snorts. "It's probably in use." Cook nods his approval and Naomi decides to press on. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been shot."

Naomi rolls her eyes, but can't help but smile, glad to see him acting more like himself than he's been in a week and a half. The bullet had taken a relatively benign path through his chest, missing everything but his left lung, and the surgery had gone well enough, his collapsed lung healing as well as a collapsed lung could and a series of broken ribs proving to more of an annoyance than a medical emergency. But earlier in the week he'd started to develop pneumonia, a consequence of two extra days on the ventilator, and the doctors were getting more and more concerned about it's effect on his recovery.

Cook finishes off the last of his lunch and tosses the empty wrapper at Naomi. "Dispose wench."

Naomi narrows her eyes, but after a beat, leans over and tosses it in the bin. "I only did that because I know you'd throw like drunk Effy."

Cook laughs, but it's tired, and Naomi can tell he's been holding out on his painkillers again. "Rough night?"

"Well, you know." Cook states, settling back on the bed. "Any news?"

"No. Jenna got through to a nurse last night, but it's the same story. Katie's struggling. No visitors." Effy and Katie had been taken away long before Cook had come out from under the anaesthetic, and it was painfully obvious that although his injuries were healing, his emotional state was only getting worse. They'd heard nothing but horror stories about the government run rehab Katie had been sent to, and Effy had essentially disappeared off the face of the earth after one of her intake psychiatrists had floated the theory that Cook and Katie had taken advantage of her vulnerable state and held her 'psychologically hostage' for the last three and a half years.

Emily was convinced that the accusation was sexual in nature, hence their heavily enforced non-contact orders, and even with supportive testimony from Anthea and Tony, it had been a gruelling challenge for her to obtain custody of Ben. But in the end, Adrian had stepped in to explain the exceptional circumstances surrounding Ben's parentage, and even although she was still facing a disciplinary committee at work, Emily had been cleared of any wrongdoing and granted three months of temporary guardianship.

Unlike Cook who was being treated like a dangerous fugitive, a police officer standing watch outside his door and a never-ending series of interrogations about everything that had happened since he broke out of jail.

Cook sighs and Naomi sits down on the uncomfortable visitor's chair, determined to stop another afternoon spiralling into depression. "Well no matter what Katie's going through, it can't be as bad as having her mother setting up camp in my living room."

Cook gives her a small smile. "That bad?"

"This morning she told me I crack eggs incorrectly." Naomi rests her feet on the side of Cook's bed. "But no, not really. I mean, don't get me wrong, she's doing my fucking head in, but it's not like she doesn't have her reasons. Her daughter has been missing for years, and now she's back, Jenna isn't even allowed to see her. I swear that receptionist is going to need to be treated for PTSD."

"Like daughter, like mother?"

Naomi grunts. "Indeed. And Jenna just can't wait to thank this nice boy who took a bullet for her baby. I'm pretty sure she's on her third draft of the wedding invitations."

At that, Cook raises an eyebrow. "I take it Katie didn't tell her about Ef?"

"Oh no, she did. Jenna's just refusing to acknowledge it. Apparently it's the drugs."

Cook snorts and Naomi nods, almost impressed by Jenna's powers of denial. "But truthfully…Em and I couldn't do this without her. She might consider Effy to be the spawn of satan, but she's done nothing but treat Ben like her real grandchild. She's the only one that can control him."

Cook tries to hide his smile. "Running you ragged is he?"

"Fuck yes." Naomi exclaims without a second's pause. "Emily threatened to put up a naughty bar last night."

This time, Cook laughs. A real laugh that gives Naomi hope. "That's my boy."

"Mmm…he certainly is." Naomi eyes Cook. "You might not be his biological father, but that kid is your goddamn clone. God help the education system." Cook's eyes drop to his lap, not quite fast enough to hide the pained look on his face, and Naomi's heart breaks. She drops her feet to the floor and leans in. "Cook, he's alright. Jenna and Emily are spoiling him rotten with toys, and we're going to need to buy a second fridge to pin up all the family portraits he's been making us. And let's just say Jenna is less than pleased with his renderings of Katie's assets."

"Yeah?" Cook asks softly.

"Yeah," Naomi assures with a smile, "He can't wait for you to come home."

Cook sighs again. "Until they ship me back to Bristol."

"Hey, we don't know that. Your court hearing isn't until the end of the month, and Adrian said you'd get at least two weeks of recovery."

"Great." Cook replies bitterly.

Naomi reaches out and grabs Cook's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Man up you bastard, you're a fucking hero."

"Tell me about Freddie."

Effy actually has to sit on her hand to stop herself from flipping Dr. Jackson off. Effy's not sure what it says about her character – or parenting – that a three year is influencing the way she deals with her emotions, but a two finger salute always seems to be rather satisfying for Ben.

The psychiatrist tilts her head and Effy realises she's being dissociative again.

Sometimes Effy wishes she didn't know what her doctors thought. Wishes she could be a normal patient and present herself as a somewhat sane individual with a healthy support system and goals for the future, and be left alone to live her life.

But somewhat sane isn't sane, and Effy needs sane. She needs the doctors to rule her sound of mind and the courts to throw out Foster's documents over misdiagnoses instead of misrepresented facts.

So she does what she's told, puts up just enough of a fight to be engaged, pretends to be simple.

And it's fucking exhausting.

For every question she's asked there's the right answer and the real answer. Hitting Katie on the head with a rock? Repressed gay tendencies. Slicing her wrists in a bathroom? Cry for her mother's attention. Overly sexualised relationships with questionable boys? Daddy issues.

It's eerie, this fake life she's inventing for herself, a glimpse of the person she could have been if she wasn't quite so…her. A posh schoolgirl who took her parents' divorce too hard and fell in with a bad crowd.

But she's not, and so she has to be at her best every second of every day, playacting for the doctors and nurses and therapists who are looking for the slightest proof that she is the schizophrenic killer Foster's made her out to be. Effy has researched all her diagnoses enough to know what symptoms not to display, but Foster's laid traps, little lies that trip her up and make her versions of events seem delusional. Strange interpretations of her stories that she has to try to explain away with teen angst and suburban boredom and regular old dysfunctional family dynamics.

Dr. Jackson taps her pen and Effy runs through her protocols for all matters relating to Freddie; upset not suicidal, anger at Foster, guilt with Katie, moderate trauma over finding his body, healthy grieving, no hallucinations, no panic attacks, no wishes to have taken his place.

Effy conjures up some fake tears, unwilling to give anyone the satisfaction of genuine grief, and begins.

90 days.

90 days of observation to determine if she's fit to stand trial.

90 days of outsmarting everyone to discredit Foster's files and prove their innocence.

90 days until she can see her son.

 **Chapter 18: Katie and Effy**

 _May 2010 (Bristol)_

 _Katie knew that her tights were the last thing she should have been worried about, they weren't even expensive, on sale at Topshop, but she'd bought them with Emily on their first shopping trip in months and somehow, paired with her new skirt, they'd come to represent a new start. A new Katie who didn't steal other people's boyfriends, let Emily make her own mistakes, and took care of others instead of herself._

 _So it just didn't seem fair that she was now shoving them into a black bin bag, bloodied and torn, wearing her dead ex-boyfriend's clothes while Cook bled to death on the couch and Effy lay in the middle of the shed, oblivious to everything around her._

 _They all reeked of petrol, so much so that Katie felt like stealing the spliff out of Effy's mouth for her own safety, but neither of them had uttered a word since they'd set fire to Foster's house and Katie wasn't about to start now. She shoved her final piece of clothing into the bag and turned, unnerved by the way Effy was just staring at the wall. They may have rekindled their friendship, but Katie would never forgot the look in Effy's eyes as she reached for that rock, or the rage that surged through her own body as she pressed her hands against Effy's throat, and she had no intention of fighting Effy again. Not now, not ever._

 _Katie knelt down beside Cook and lifted the bottom of his shirt. His stomach was swollen and bruised, horrific welts covering almost all of his skin. "Fuck." Cook didn't stir, but Effy did, raising her head from her position on the floor._

 _"He alright?" The concern in Effy's voice was so out of place, so unlike the girl who'd wanted nothing to do with Cook during the impromptu shed party that in any other situation Katie would have thought she was being sarcastic._

 _Katie ran her hand over a discoloured bump on Cook's side. "I don't know." Effy dropped her head back down, taking yet another hit off the spliff. Katie eyed her warily. "Are you sure you should be having that? Like, with your meds?"_

 _"It's all going in circles anyway." Effy felt Katie's worried gaze from across the room. "It's a fucking spliff Katie. Not a hit of heroin."_

 _Katie bit her lip, getting more and more concerned about Effy's mental state, but it wasn't like she could go running to Anthea. They were past the point of no return, had been ever since Effy lit the match. Katie decided to leave Effy to her own fucked up devices and concentrated on Cook, pulling his shirt up over his torso. Like Katie, his clothes were covered in blood, and she needed to get them off him as quickly as she could. Mostly because looking at them made her feel ill._

 _She was struggling to get the shirt past one of Cook's shoulders, her shaky hands and his deadweight proving to be quite the challenge, when Effy appeared at her side, lifting Cook's arm so Katie could tug the material free. They worked in silence, replacing Cook's bloodied clothes with clean ones Katie had found at the back of the shed. They accidentally made eye contact as Effy undid the top button of Cook's pants, and after an awkward pause, Katie rolled her eyes and shifted down to remove his socks. "Two girls undressing him and the tosser's bloody unconscious."_

 _"Nothing you haven't seen before." Katie's head jerked up in surprise and Effy smirked. "You have then."_

 _Katie shoved the last of Cook's clothes into the bin bag with a bit more force than she needed to. "You know, you're nowhere near as clever as you think you are."_

 _"Fairytale romance?" Effy moved towards the collection of liquor bottles by the door._

 _"Ha ha." Katie answered, riffling around in a pile of clothes Freddie had clearly been too lazy to wash. "No, it was just a drunken fuck."_

 _Effy found an almost untouched bottle of vodka and held it up in triumph. "If you say so."_

 _"I do." Katie replied, leaving no room for argument. "Here." Katie chucked a sweater at Effy. "You're going to have to – Jesus!" Katie swung away from an unexpected display of nudity._

 _Effy chuckled, throwing her dirty shirt towards Katie as she pulled the sweater over her head. "Too much for you?"_

 _Katie snatched the shirt off the floor. "Try nowhere near enough. There aren't any more clothes." Effy glanced at the sweatpants Katie was wearing, the cuffs rolled up to a ridiculous degree. "So you'll have to settle for the slag look on your walk home." Katie tied off the top of the bin bag. "Not that that'll be much of a change."_

 _Effy twisted the top off the vodka. "I'm not going home."_

 _"What?" Katie asked, shoving the bag behind a worn chair._

 _"I'm not going home." Effy repeated and Katie looked up at her strange tone of voice. "My mum's watching me like a hawk. One wrong move, and she'll send me back to the clinic."_

 _"Ef…" Katie tried to think of the right thing to say. "We have to carry on like usual. You need to go home and say that we got drunk and you passed out in the shed and I need to go back to Naomi's and pretend like their disgusting shagfest is the worst thing that's ever happened to me."_

 _"Katie, I can't…" Effy took a drink of vodka instead of finishing her sentence._

 _Katie hesitated. "I'd let you come with me, but I don't even know if I have a place to stay now that my sister and Naomi have made up. And we might be friends or whatever, but you, me and Cook sharing a room? No one's going to think that's normal…"_

 _Effy walked away, sitting down against the side of the couch as she reclaimed her half finished spliff and rested the vodka between her knees. Katie sighed, knowing that whatever it was that Effy had been trying to say would be forever lost to stony silence._

 _Katie had spent an entire week at the hospital when Effy was at her worst, and even although they'd come to some sort of understanding about the past, namely not talking about it, she still had no fucking clue about what went on inside of Effy's head. In the beginning she stayed because it was the right thing to do. Effy had issues with her mother, Freddie was gone, Panda wasn't allowed to stay overnight and Cook was on the run. But the more time Katie and Effy spent together, the more Katie remembered why she liked Effy in the first place. Not because of her good looks and popularity, though Effy was still infuriatingly pretty in pyjamas, but her deadpan jokes, the way she checked out just as many boys as Katie did, and her unwavering loyalty to Tony and Panda, even although they were useless fucks who never seemed to be around when Effy needed them the most._

 _"I'm sorry." Katie walked over and joined Effy on the floor. "I would if we could, you know?" Effy blew a perfect smoke ring into the air. Katie stared at her, but really had no idea where to begin, so she took the easy way out and checked on Cook. "It's going to be hard enough to pass Cook's injuries off as a drunken fight."_

 _Effy eyed Katie's forehead. "He's not the only one."_

 _Katie reached up and found a swollen bump. "Oh."_

 _Effy offered out the spliff but Katie lifted the bottle of vodka out of her lap instead. They sat in silence, Katie sipping at the vodka and Effy poking at the spliff as they listened to Cook's slow but steady breaths. "Did he hit you anywhere else?"_

 _Katie took a long drink. "Yeah." Effy held the tip of her finger against the glowing embers and Katie smacked it out of her hand. "Don't do that."_

 _Effy rescued the spliff from the ground. "Why?"_

 _Katie rolled her eyes, taking another swig of vodka. "Try crazy on someone else, I know you're not that dumb." Effy stuck the spliff back in her mouth, somewhat sullenly, and Katie pressed the bottle against her lips to hide an amused smile._

 _Out of nowhere, Katie's mobile went off, the obnoxious ringtone startling them both. Katie leant over and fished it out her purse, swallowing when she saw the name on the screen. Her finger hovered over the answer button, knowing Emily was just wondering where she was, but she couldn't bring herself to do it and tossed the device across the room, not caring when it hit the wall._

 _"He didn't have a nose."_

 _"What?" Katie asked absently, thinking about Emily and the way things would never be the same._

 _"Freddie." Katie turned to Effy in confusion. "Freddie's face was so smashed in he didn't have a nose." Katie swallowed. "I loved him and now he's…" Effy's expression crumbled, the raw pain almost more then Katie could take, but she recovered at the last second, pulling her mask back into place. "He's dead."_

 _Katie drank the vodka until it was dry. "Yeah." She dropped the bottle onto the floor and kicked it towards the pile of empties. "They both are."_

 _Effy pulled her legs up to her chest. "I'm sorry you were there."_

 _"I'm sorry you had a batshit crazy therapist." Effy snorted, but it was watery, tears burning at the corner of her eyes. "But I didn't save your life so you could go and end it."_

 _Effy sat up. "I never–"_

 _"Yeah, well, if I feel like offing myself, then there's no chance you're not thinking something stupid." Effy said nothing. "People need you Effy. Your mum, your brother. And I'm not an expert or anything, but if you're, like, staring at knives longingly, you need to ring someone."_

 _Effy looked at the ground and Katie reached out to grab her hand. "You need to ring me."_

 _Effy tolerated the touch for a minute, just long enough to let Katie know she was trying, before she pulled her hand back and buried her nose in Freddie's sweater, staring at the picture of JJ, Cook and Freddie pinned to the wall._

 _October 2012 (Leicester)_

 _Effy didn't get nervous very often, life was predictable, and she was better than most at knowing what was coming, but Katie's downward spiral scared her. It made her doubt herself and everything that had happened between them over the last three years._

 _Cook had stumbled through the door late last night, alone and angry, and even although he'd said nothing about what happened, Effy knew that Katie had taken off with yet another stranger, on yet another bender that she wouldn't remember in the morning. None of them could ignore the truth any longer, and despite Cook's insistence that he would find a way to help, Effy knew that this was on her. Her once best friend could hardly look her in the eye, and regardless of how badly the whole thing might end, Effy had to figure it out. Had to understand what had happened to turn Katie into a mere shell of herself._

 _Katie was lying in bed, awake but clearly suffering from one hell of a hangover. Effy knocked on the doorframe and Katie looked up, her eyes heavy and dazed._

 _Effy stepped into the room. "Hey."_

 _"Hey." Katie replied hoarsely, reaching for the glass of water sitting on the bedside table. Once again, Katie was doing everything she could to avoid Effy, and once again, Effy was at a total loss to what was going on between them. The week before Effy left Bristol, things had been tense. Emily and Naomi had come over for dinner, Effy had to bail halfway through with a round of sickness, and Katie's resulting blow up had been anything but pretty. But Katie had still talked to her. Or when she didn't, she made it very clear that it was the silent treatment and Effy was being punished._

 _But this limbo, this Katie, was something else entirely. She'd arrived on the doorstep, slapped Effy, hugged Effy, told her she was forgiven then proceeded to spend all of her time with Cook. It was like they hadn't shared a flat, or spent countless nights out till 6 am, or been through anything at all. And most painfully, Katie made it very clear she didn't want anything to do with Ben. Sure he was just a baby, but Katie had always liked kids, and even if it was a bit biased, Effy kind of thought Ben was the coolest kid ever. Effy had kind of thought Katie might have learned to love him too._

 _Katie put her water down and Effy crossed the room, climbing over her to lie down on the bed, outside the duvet but very much in Katie's space. "Where were you last night?"_

 _Katie buried face in a pillow. "I dunno. Some club."_

 _Effy stared up at the ceiling. "You know what I'm here to say, right?" After a long drawn out pause, Katie nodded. Effy rolled onto her side and propped her head up on her hand. "What's going on Katie? You hardly touched coke."_

 _"I know it looks bad, but I'm really not–"_

 _Effy yanked Katie's sleeve down. "Don't. I don't care what you're doing, I just want to know that you're okay."_

 _Katie smiled, almost dreamily. "You need some original material Ef. I've got copywrites to that one."_

 _"This isn't a joke Katie."_

 _"Am I laughing?" Katie asked, suddenly a whole lot less friendly._

 _Effy searched Katie's face for some kind of clue. "If you're mad at me, be mad at me. Don't hide behind drugs."_

 _Katie's eyes narrowed. "Don't patronise me Effy. I'm not your son, you don't get to tell me what to do."_

 _Effy stared at Katie, but just couldn't get a read on her. "Why are you avoiding me? I've told you how sorry I am. If I could, I would go back and tell you I was leaving. But I can't change the past, and you saying everything's fine when it's obviously not isn't doing either of us any good." Katie looked away and Effy flopped down on the bed in frustration. "You don't have to forgive me, but could you at least stop treating me like some stranger?"_

 _Katie shook her head. "You're going to hate me."_

 _"For doing drugs?" Effy asked with some degree of bewilderment._

 _"No." Katie replied quietly. "Not that." Effy frowned at Katie's tone. "I slept with Sean." Katie rolled on to her side, not wanting to see Effy's reaction. "I'm sorry. You were gone and I felt so–" Effy latched onto Katie's shoulder and jerked her back around._

 _"Did he hurt you?"_

 _Katie blinked at the terrified look on Effy's face. "What? No. Why would he…" Katie's eyes widened and she sat up abruptly. "What the fuck? He hurt you?"_

 _Effy shook off her momentary lapse in judgement. "No. Of course n–"_

 _"What did he do?"_

 _"Nothing. I didn't mean–"_

 _"What. Did. He. Do." Katie repeated through gritted teeth. Effy opened her mouth but couldn't find anything to say in response to Katie's knowing eyes. "That fucking bastard." Katie tackled Effy to the bed, crushing her in a hug. Effy sort of lay there, too shocked by the turn of events to do anything but hate the way Katie smelled of Cook's cologne._

 _A few seconds later, Katie looked up. "Why didn't you tell me?"_

 _Effy tipped her head back, so not wanting to have the conversation. "I got high and told Sean about Foster. He threatened to turn us in to the police."_

 _"Please tell me that's not why you let him get away with this." Effy's eyes stayed locked on the ceiling. "Fuck Ef, who fucking cares? That doesn't mean he gets to hurt you. No fucking way. Just no."_

 _"Look, it's over now. I got away. We really don't need to dwell on this."_

 _Katie pursed her lips, knowing that they did need to dwell on it, but Effy wasn't one to be pushed and Katie didn't want to fight. Not about something that was so obviously tearing Effy apart. "Is this why you left?"_

 _Effy smiled, a tiny bit. "Yeah."_

 _"Well fuck, now things make more sense. You faking your death to get away from the party scene seemed rather ridiculous. Even for you."_

 _Effy sighed. "Not my best cover story, I'll admit."_

 _"No, really not." Katie searched Effy's eyes for some kind of indication of what to do next. "Was it, like, regular?" Effy looked away. "Nevermind." Katie dropped her head back down and committed herself to staying quiet. After a while, Effy's muscles began to relax, the adrenaline rush of the last few minutes draining away in their comfortable silence._

 _"He was rough." Katie looked up at the sound of Effy's voice. "During sex." Katie's eyes flashed with anger, but she didn't say anything, just wrapped an arm around Effy's stomach and held her close. Relieved at the non-reaction, Effy reached out and started playing with a strand of Katie's hair. "So what, was it like a one night stand?"_

 _Katie sighed, resisting the urge to pull away. "No, not exactly." Effy waited and Katie took a deep breath. "I kind of…married him."_

 _Effy froze, the strand wrapped around her finger._

 _Katie pushed herself up on one arm so she could see Effy's face. "It's not what you think. Everything got too big too fast and we needed to spread our assets out. So we got married. We sunk as much as we could into our supposed life...house, flat, cars, clothes, jewellery, and had spousal privileges in court if things went wrong. They couldn't make us testify against each other, and they'd never be able to sort out the way we made transfers between our personal, business and offshore accounts."_

 _Effy looked confused, far more confused than she ever had been before. Katie bit her lip. "So I had this idea, right? Import gear in makeup. Not like, the cases or whatever, but the actual makeup itself. Most of it is powder, and you can liquefy lipstick with a little heat. So Sean talked to his contacts and they set up a supply chain into Bristol." Katie sat up a little more, looking far livelier than she had at any point in the last month and a half. "And it worked Ef, it really fucking worked. Sean had more product than he knew what to do with and I took it to places the boys would never think of going. Exclusive clubs, private parties, fashion shows. It was so simple. I brought in bulk imports though my company, Sean broke it down into sellable cuts and I sold the Kate McGrath brand of makeup in fake bottom containers. Fuck, it was amazing. The men, the cars, the designer–" Katie stopped herself, looking down at Effy with a guilty expression. "Are you…I mean, Sean and I only ever slept together when we were off our faces. We didn't even share a bed."_

 _Effy stared at Katie, processing everything she'd just heard, then burst into laughter._

 _Katie eyed her suspiciously. "It's not that funny."_

 _"No." Effy agreed. "It's not." But she couldn't stop laughing. "Fuck, I don't know. I faked my own death to keep Sean away from you and you went and did all that. Honest to god Katie, you're immune to logic. I used to think I could get anyone to do anything. But I don't think you've ever done what I wanted you to. Not even once."_

 _"Well if you asked me to do things instead of trying to manipulate me you might have more success." Katie replied wryly._

 _Effy wiped at her eyes, slowly calming down. "Only you." Katie raised an eyebrow and Effy shook her head, unable to explain the things running through her head. "It's just a lot to take in." After a few more seconds of recovery, Effy tugged Katie back down and wrapped her in an apologetic hug. "So what changed?"_

 _Katie sighed, half impressed, half annoyed by Effy's powers of perception. "Everything was going perfectly. And then one day I realised it wasgoing perfectly. No one had been questioned. Nothing had been searched. We were careful, but there was no way one of the boys hadn't slipped up along the way. There was no way my party girl antics hadn't been noticed by someone. I told Sean I wanted out but he threatened to go to the police."_

 _"He's good at that."_

 _Katie glanced at Effy, but it was clear she wasn't going to elaborate. "He tied up all our funds in his accounts and told me to keep working. Then this one night he showed up at the house totally munted. Like completely out of it, and started ranting about you and his baby and how he thought we should have a kid of our own. The second he said it everything clicked into place. Your fucking weird behaviour, no body, no goodbye, your mother's decidedly calm reaction. I'd always found the whole thing strange, it's probably why I never came anywhere close to making peace with it, and the car just wasn't your style. Emily kept harping on that you were upset about the things she said, but you and I have screamed worst things at each other over burnt toast."_

 _"You leave it in too long." Effy stated with a small grin._

 _"Only because you always double toast." Katie countered automatically. "Ugh, that's not where I was going with that." Effy laughed and Katie turned in the embrace so they were face to face. "Anyway I knew exactly where you'd gone and I left that night."_

 _Effy brushed some hair away from Katie's eyes. "I'm not sure it means much, but I'm really glad you're here."_

 _"It means a lot Ef." Katie rested her head on Effy's shoulder. "I know I should have said something earlier, but I'd just got you back and I couldn't stand losing you again."_

 _Effy squeezed Katie. "Never. After everything we've been through, after everything you've done for me, do you really think some boy could come between us?" Effy paused. "Though I am intrigued by this obsession you have with fucking boys I've fucked."_

 _Katie rolled her eyes. "That's only happened, like, twice."_

 _"Three times."_

 _"What? No. I had Freddie fir…" Katie trailed off awkwardly, their rivalry over Freddie being the one subject they rarely touched on._

 _Effy poked her side. "You only wanted Freddie because I wanted him."_

 _Katie smiled in relief, poking Effy back. "No, I was totally into him." Effy gave her an amused look. "Oh, fine. I was a vindictive little bitch."_

 _"Was?" Katie kicked Effy's foot. "You know…" Effy rolled on top of Katie, pinning her to the bed with a mischievous grin. "If you're that desperate to shag me you can just say so."_

 _"Hilarious." Katie replied, pushing Effy onto her back and cuddling into her side._

 _Effy held back a sigh and started running her fingers through Katie's hair. "How long?"_

 _Katie looked up in confusion. "How long what?"_

 _"How long have you been messing around with the drugs?"_

 _"Oh." Katie swallowed, "That." Effy's hand stilled at Katie's obvious unease. "A while." Effy's silence made it very clear she was waiting for a better answer. "Six months or so."_

 _Effy tensed, she had been expecting a month, maybe two. Katie partying too hard, unable to tear herself away from temptation. Even during her worst moments, Effy had only ever used for two or three weeks at a time. She'd end up in a hospital or someone would drag her away or she'd have an episode and lose concept of time and space altogether._

 _"But the hard stuff, like three."_

 _Effy sat up, the clarification doing nothing to ease her fears. "Katie..."_

 _Katie rolled on to her back. "I know, okay? But you were dead and Emily was in London and it was really nice not to give a shit. Then when I started working, the drugs were just there. All the time, every night. I was surrounded by people who had far too much money and far too little sense. No one had any limits, so neither did I."_

 _Effy ran her hand through her hair, looking about as thrown as she got. "I…don't really know what to do here."_

 _Katie looked up at her with a sad smile. "That makes two of us."_

 _Effy stared at Katie for a moment, finally seeing the girl she'd known in Bristol instead of the stranger she'd been living with for the last month and a half, and lay back down, draping a protective arm around Katie's middle. "Right, okay. I'll get Cook to take Ben away for a couple of days. You and me, we'll do this, alright? Stay in the flat, ride it out. 48 hours. They'll probably be the worst 48 hours of your life, but then it will be over."_

 _Katie nodded into Effy's shoulder._

 _"Don't worry, okay? We'll sort it." Effy kissed Katie's forehead and settled into the bed. "No big deal."_

 _January 2015 (Portsmouth)_

 _"Don't do this Katie."_

 _Katie rested her forehead on the steering wheel. "Go back to your son."_

 _Effy tightened her grip on the car door, the only thing keeping Katie from driving away. "He needs you too." Katie shook her head, refusing to look up. "Katie, it was an accident. He's a kid, they get hurt."_

 _Katie lifted her head. "I was high. I was high and I wasn't paying attention."_

 _"Yeah, and Cook shouldn't have let him climb so high, and the Department of Education should have tightened their screws, and that little shit shouldn't have shoved him at all." Effy held out her hand for Katie to take. "But it's only a broken arm. No one blames you, and–"_

 _"I do!" Katie yelled, before taking a breath to calm down. "I do." Katie repeated, turning back to the steering wheel. "I'm sorry Ef, I am, but I can't do this anymore."_

 _Effy dropped her hand to her side. "Fuck that. You don't get to run away just because you got a little scared."_

 _"I think it's best for everyone–"_

 _"Forget everyone." Effy interrupted forcefully. "Forget your guilt, and forget the past. You and me, that's what matters." Katie said nothing and Effy ripped the car door open all the way. "I'm not one of your footballer boyfriends, you can't just cut me loose because you feel bad about yourself."_

 _Katie looked up at Effy, sad and subdued. "Sean wants me, not you. And Ben needs stability, a safe place to grow up. We have to stop being selfish."_

 _"And what am I supposed to tell him?" Effy asked, a slight catch in her voice. They'd been here so many times before. Katie, insecure and irrational, Effy, scrambling to make sense of her sudden, and often unspoken, decisions. Effy had tried calm. She'd tried angry. She'd tried threats, and reasoning, and flat out denial. But Katie kept trying to walk away and Effy was running out of ways to hold her back. "You promised him that you'd be there."_

 _Katie started the car. "He has you and Cook."_

 _"No." Effy pushed Katie into her seat and ripped the keys out of the ignition, tossing them into the backseat. Katie tried to get away but Effy caught her hands and held them captive, manoeuvring herself into the car until she landed with a knee on either side of Katie's thighs. "Baby, I need you to listen to me. You're not thinking clearly. You're coming down and this Ben thing has freaked you right out."_

 _"I'm always coming down." Katie replied icily. "And I don't know who you think you're talking to, but I don't respond well to orders. So get the fuck off me before I do something you'll regret."_

 _Effy met Katie's glare unflinchingly. "I know you. You'd do anything to keep Ben safe and I've never worried about leaving him in your care. This has nothing to do with us and everything to do with what's going on in your head." Effy released Katie's hands and sat back, searching her face for some kind of understanding._

 _"Babe, I don't want to fight about this. Let's just end it here, yeah?" Effy didn't dignify that with an answer. "Come on Ef, you're good now. Stable. You don't need me."_

 _"I'm not going to play this game Katie."_

 _"Can't we just…" Katie rubbed her temple. "This relationship is going nowhere. I mean, do you really enjoy monthly HIV tests? Neither of us knowing how many other people I've fucked? I know you want us to work, and I know you think this is worth fighting for, but I will break your heart. I will turn you crazy. You have too much at stake, you need to walk away."_

 _Effy reached out and brushed some hair away from Katie's eyes. The gesture was gentle, loving, right up until the point she grabbed a handful of hair and jerked Katie's head back, forcing her to look Effy in the eye. "For future reference, I'm not very good with orders either. So you might want to reconsider telling me what to think. The only thing I have at stake here is you. This is doubt, and self-depreciation, and your need to fit everything into neat little boxes. Well I'm not giving up on you, I'm not giving up on us, and I'd really appreciate it if you didn't treat me like some fuck buddy."_

 _Katie pursed her lips. "Well you kind of are."_

 _Effy laughed. "Fucking unbelievable. Fine, if you want to go there, you go right ahead. But don't think for a second that it's going to change the way I feel about you. Don't think that one fucked up comment can make me forget the last seven months."_

 _Katie shoved Effy off her, breaking all contact. "For fuck sakes Effy, it's not real. Freddie died and you needed someone to take care of you. I'm not some angel, I was in the right place at the right time and you think that because I saved you, you have to save me. Well you don't."_

 _Effy regarded Katie for a minute. "I loved Freddie, and maybe we could have been happy, and maybe we would have gotten married and had kids and lived some ridiculous picket fence life. But he would never make me feel what I feel with you. It's not always good, and it's probably not right, but it's what I want. You're what I want Katie, so stop trying to push me away."_

 _"Well you're not what I want. We were better as friends."_

 _Effy gave her an amused look. "I've been in love with you for three years. Do you really think we were ever just friends?"_

 _"Yes." Katie snapped, glaring at Effy with newfound rage. "It was fun, and it was easy, and we didn't fight about every fucking thing. It's not supposed to be this hard Effy. It's not supposed to hurt this much."_

 _Effy placed her forearms against the headrest, pointedly not touching Katie as she hovered in front of her face. "I. Choose. You. Over normal. Over simple. Over whatever Freddie scenario you've made up in your head."_

 _Katie looked away. "I'm never going to get over the drugs."_

 _"Okay." Effy replied calmly._

 _Katie shut her eyes in exasperation. "No Effy, it's not fucking okay. I'm not being dramatic here. I mean it. I can't do it. This won't ever be like you and the hospitals, I'm not going to get better."_

 _Effy watched Katie's face as she struggled through a battle in her head. "Just because you're on drugs, it doesn't mean you're not a good mother. And just because you're my girlfriend, it doesn't mean you're not allowed to do things that make me upset." Katie opened her eyes and Effy gave her a sad smile. "I get it, alright? You've been compared to Emily your whole life. You could only ever be one thing because she had to be the other. But you are so much of everything at once Katie. You always have been. It's why I can't figure you out. It's why we fought in college. It's why I need you to help me raise my son." Katie's lip trembled but she said nothing. "What?" Effy snapped, finally running out of patience. "You're the one that kissed me first. You're the one who said we should give this a go!"_

 _"What if it ends in disaster?"_

 _"What if it doesn't?"_

 _Katie shook her head, barely holding back tears. "You don't understand, I'm going to lose everything. You're my best friend–" Katie took a shuddery breath. "I'm stupid. I do stupid things, and someday you're not going to want to put up with it." Effy opened her mouth to argue but Katie cut back in. "I know not now, and I know you don't think it'll happen. But you can't predict the future. And if we do this, really do it, we can never turn back. We'll never really be friends again." Katie wiped at her eyes angrily. "And it's fine for you. You'll always have Ben and Cook. But me? I've got no one Effy. No one but you."_

 _Effy reached out and pulled Katie flush against her, not caring that it broke whatever no touching rule Katie had initiated. "Katie, I will always be here when you need it." Effy peeled Katie back until she could see her face. "I promise. Just like you promised me in a hospital room all those years ago. And that's never going to change. Not if we're in some fight, not if we break up, not even if we fall out of love." Katie sniffed and Effy slid her arms down Katie's back, tugging her that much closer. "I know you Katie. I know your moods, when you need space, and when I need to push. I'm not saying I'm always right, but someone very pretty and very clever once told me it's okay to rely on other people when you don't know how to help yourself." Effy gave Katie a small smile. "So maybe instead of threatening to break my heart a hundred times over, you could just listen to me for a bit? It doesn't have to be for long, we wouldn't want the world to end, but two minutes, an hour, whatever time you need to take to feel like yourself again."_

 _Katie let out a half sob, looking at Effy with so much pride. "I love you."_

 _Effy squeezed her gently. "I know."_

 _"I'm sorry." Katie said, crumbling into a mess of tears._

 _"I know." Effy repeated, pressing their foreheads together. "Because I know everything." Katie laughed and cried at the same time, falling into Effy's reassuring embrace._

 _Effy kissed Katie's forehead, then bent down to catch her lips. The kiss was salty, tainted with Katie's tears, but Effy kept going, putting as much love into it as she could. After a few minutes, Katie relaxed, her hands dropping to Effy's sides. Effy smiled and turned the kiss into something more. She didn't want an apology, she wanted Katie, her Katie, the girl who fucked as fierce as she fought._

 _Effy tangled one hand in Katie's hair and used the other to pull Katie's hips towards hers. Katie came willingly, but what started off as a battle of control turned onto a full on assault as Effy tightened her hold on Katie's waist and stole the air out of her lungs with a desperate kiss, not letting up even for a second._

 _Katie tore her mouth away, panting at the effort. "Ef, slow down."_

 _After a beat, Effy loosened her grip on Katie, just slightly. "You really scared me this time."_

 _It had taken Katie a while to figure it out, but Effy's greatest fear was asking for things she wanted. She'd learned to talk about how much the important people meant to her, starting with her brother and moving on to Panda, Katie, Cook and Ben, but she couldn't ask for things for herself. Not reassurance, not help, not love. For Effy, asking and not getting was much worse than never having it at all. Of course, just because she didn't say it out loud didn't mean that Katie didn't know when she wanted something. But Katie worried that she missed signals, that there were things Effy needed but didn't get._

 _"I'm sorry." Katie whispered as she reached down and interlocked her fingers with Effy's. Effy nodded, but looked far from reassured. It was silly really, that Effy could be so sure of them, so sure of what she felt, but couldn't bring herself to ask. Couldn't make the request that, if Katie ignored, would break her completely. Please don't go. Please don't leave. Like my dad. Like my mum. Like my brother._

 _Katie stroked her thumb across the back of Effy's hand. "You know, Cook once told me that you have a hold on me I can't escape. And he's right. No matter what I do I always end up back at your door."_

 _"I've noticed." Effy stated cautiously, not knowing where the conversation was heading._

 _"So fuck it, I give up. You win."_

 _"If only I knew what I'd won." Effy replied wryly._

 _Katie used their joined hands to tug Effy a little closer. "Listen smartarse, I can't promise you I won't take off. I mean, I'll try, but we both know what happens when things get bad. But I can promise you I'll always come back. I can promise you that you're what I'm coming home to."_

 _"Right." Effy said hesitantly, her hold on Katie still a little too tight for comfort._

 _Katie sighed, untangling her fingers to reach up and grab Effy's face with both hands. "Use those powers of observation babe. I'm saying yes. To this. To us. All in."_

 _Effy searched Katie's eyes. "For real?"_

 _"For real." Katie confirmed, leaning in to snog her senseless._

 _"Wait." Effy pulled away at the last second and Katie sat back, anxiously waiting out the silence. "Does this mean I get to break out the pet names? Buttercup? Honeybear? Juicy?"_

 _Katie shoved her shoulder. "The only pet name you need know is dear. As in yes."_

 _Effy grinned, pulling Katie tightly against her. "Yes dear."_

 _"Cute."_

 _"Cut-ie." Effy corrected in an entirely serious tone of voice._

 _"I'm going to hate every minute of this, aren't I?" Katie asked with a poorly concealed smile._

 _"Mmmmmaybe." Effy leant in to claim her kiss. "Just wait till Ben finds out about our new game."_

 _"Yeah, I'm just going to keep cunt as your pet name. Upgrade to slag on special occasions." Effy laughed and Katie slapped at her leg. "So get off me, my beloved cunty slag."_

 _"No way." Effy pinned Katie in place with her thighs. "We have some making up to do."_

 _Katie flicked the tip of Effy's nose. "I'm not going to fuck you in the middle of a hospital parking lot."_

 _Effy licked Katie's nose in retaliation. "I'm only aiming for a light fingering."_

 _Katie snorted into Effy's overly enthusiastic kiss. "Not bloody likely."_

 _"Come on." Effy coaxed, grinding her hips into Katie's. "I know you found my dominatrix routine kind of hot."_

 _Katie squirmed away from the hand sneaking up the front of her shirt. "No, I found it kind of annoying."_

 _Effy blew on the back of Katie's ear. "Liar."_

 _"Your son is lying in a hospital bed."_

 _Effy kissed her way down Katie's neck. "Oh please, Cook's got him happily racing wheelchairs down the hall by now."_

 _"Seriously Ef, stop. We're in–" Katie let out an unintended groan as Effy's thumb flicked past her nipple. "Public."_

 _Effy paused, reaching for Katie's hand. "I know." She gave the back a chaste kiss, then shoved it down the front of her pants. "Isn't it great?"_

 **Chapter 19: Epilogue**

November 2015 – 8 Months Later (Bristol)

"Fuck." Katie stares at her sister in disbelief. "Fuck." Emily pulls her into a tight hug, ignoring the commotion by the door as Katie's lawyer steps into the hall. "This is real, right?"

Emily pulls back and gives Katie a small smile. "As real as it gets."

Katie tears up at Emily's words. "Fuck."

"I'm beginning to see where Ben gets it from." Emily wipes a tear off Katie's cheek, not doing much better herself. "You're free Katie. It's over." Katie nods slowly. "So can you please get your shit together so I can start yelling at you for not dealing with this in the first place?"

Katie laughs, a little, but it's enough to break her out of her one word daze. "Fucking hell Ems, I really didn't think I was walking out of here today." Emily gives Katie's shoulder a squeeze, wishing she could disagree.

Katie's acquittal had come at the end of a lengthy trial that brought her entire life under a microscope. It had been ugly from the start, with Katie's party girl persona and Sean's dramatic demise catching the media's attention, and it was very clear to everyone involved that the outcome of the trial was not just going to come from proving Foster's insanity. For every Doug and Gina that came to Katie's defence, there was a Brandy or Angela Moon there to pull her down. In the end, it came down to the jury's judgment of her character; Foster's reports versus her testimony versus her reputation as a drug dealer versus the actions of an angry 17-year-old versus the person she was today.

As witnesses, Cook and Effy weren't allowed to watch the trial, and Katie had insisted that everyone else but Emily had to stay away. They hadn't talked about the decision, but Emily knew it was Katie's way of saying sorry. Katie's way of telling Emily that they were still twins, that there was nothing that could come between them, and that she trusted Emily enough to hear what everything that had happened, from start to finish, with no details spared.

Katie glances at the door, the telltale flashes indicating what kind of media storm is waiting for them outside. "Think they'd fall for an old fashioned twin swap?"

"Never thought I'd see the day you'd turn down the spotlight."

"Have you seen the state of my hair?" Katie replies, half seriously, and Emily can't help but worry about the exhaustion in her voice. Katie had been clean for the last five months and claimed to be on the path to recovery, but Emily had been the one to get the call when she'd relapsed after Effy's sentencing and this would be the first time she was home without any restrictions or court-ordered drug tests.

"For fuck sakes Emily, get that look off your face. I'm asking for conditioner, not for a lift to the nearest crack house." Emily bites her lip, searching Katie's eyes for the slightest hint of trouble. "Ems, I'm going to have to play the perfect daughter with mum, please don't make me do it with you too."

"I don't want you to play anything."

Katie sighs at Emily's wounded tone. "Look, I know fucked up, and I know I have a long way to go before I earn your trust back, but I need you to believe in me. Because if you don't think I can do this…"

"Of course I think you can do it." Emily assures quickly. "I'm just…I'm scared Katie. I don't know if I can tell when you're lying to me anymore."

"Oh please, you know I can't hide anything from you. I pushed you away because I knew you'd figure things out." Emily looks less than convinced, so Katie tries again. "But if it makes you feel better, I'll let you follow me around like we're 15. I can't promise I won't scar you for life with the things I'm intending to do to Effy–"

"Ugh, Katie."

Katie smiles. "See? You're reading my mind already."

"You're so gross." Emily grumbles, but it's with a lot less apprehension than before.

Katie reaches down and grabs Emily's hand. "Right. So stop being an angsty twat and know that I'm not stealthy enough to get away with anything." Emily hesitates, trying to judge her sincerity. "Honestly Ems, I still can't climb trellises for shit. I break a nail every time." Emily holds Katie's gaze until she finds what she's looking for, a tiny smile that speaks of annoyance, and nervousness, and a thousand memories that Emily can read like they're five years old, refusing to speak in anything but twin. "Every. Time."

"It's good to have you back."

"Well obviously." Katie replies in a duh tone, but her hand squeezes Emily's enough for her to know she understands what Emily really means.

Emily looks towards the door. "Ready?"

Katie nods. "I want to go home."

"Mum, just leave it, yeah?" Katie pushes her plate away with a less than subtle grimace, reminding herself of all the shit she'd put her mother through over the last few years.

Jenna crosses her arms at the head of the table. "I certainly will not. You heard what your doctor said."

"If I went in there with a hangnail, she'd prescribe a healthy diet and exercise. It's an expression mum, it doesn't mean I have to finish everything on my plate."

Emily frantically spreads the meat-free, wheat-free, dairy-free lasagne around her plate in case her mother tries to drag her into the fight. Naomi is chugging wine in an attempt not to laugh at the scowl on Katie's face, while Cook rips into another piece of bread, about the only edible thing on the table, and Adrian tries very hard not to exist.

"Katherine, this behaviour has gone on long enough. You might think you're an adult, but I am your mother–"

"Baby?" Effy sticks her head in from the kitchen, her sugary sweet tone stopping everyone in their tracks.

Katie turns around warily. "What?"

"Finish your dinner or you don't get dessert." Effy smirks in a way that lets everyone at the table know exactly what kind of dessert she's talking about.

Everyone but Jenna. "Why thank you Elizabeth."

Effy tosses a tea towel over her shoulder and strolls into the room. "No problem Jen."

"It's such a relief to know someone around here has some common sense." Jenna continues with a pointed look in the twins' direction. They share perfectly synced eye roll without even realising it.

"The crumble will be ready in five minutes." Effy informs Jenna as she reclaims her seat beside Katie.

"Lovely." Satisfied that Katie's going to finish her dinner under Effy's supervision, Jenna stands up from the table. "I'll go whip some cream." Naomi chokes on a mouthful of wine at the look Effy and Katie share.

Jenna shakes her head in Naomi's direction, before snatching the empty lasagne dish off the table and stomping her way towards the kitchen.

The second she disappears around the corner, Naomi slams her glass onto the table. "How? How do you go from she who shall not be named to someone she likes more than her own children?"

Effy shrugs, grabbing Katie's plate and leaning back in her chair to scrap its contents into a bin they have hidden behind a potted plant. "Everyone loves me."

Naomi grunts, "I don't."

"Don't worry Naoms." Emily lifts a lasagne filled napkin out of her lap and passes it to Effy. "You're still my dad's favourite."

"Only because I have superior upper body strength." Naomi mutters, watching as Cook pulls out a lasagne filled napkin of his own.

Emily grins, leaning in to give Naomi a wine-fuelled kiss. "And you use it so well."

Katie throws her napkin at Emily's head. "Hands above the table Emily! If I puke mum will make me pretend to eat all over again."

"Did anyone actually eat their dinner?" Adrian asks from the other end of the table, looking around in complete and utter confusion.

"Unfortunately." Naomi pulls away from Emily with a sigh. "I grew up in a house full of hippies, I have a high tolerance for soy."

"And you're shit scared of my mother." Katie adds helpfully.

Naomi narrows her eyes but can't concede the point. Katie smirks, but before she can comment, Ben comes running into the room wearing an oversized Bristol Rovers shirt. It had been a gift from Rob last time he was in town, and the pride with which the almost four year old wore the shirt, and the fits that occurred when anyone tried to wash it, entertained everyone but Effy to no end. "Katie! Katie! Katie!"

"Ben! Ben! Ben!" Katie chants as Ben climbs onto her lap.

"Look." Ben holds out his hand, a half squished origami bird in his palm. "Dragon."

Katie lifts it out of his hand, treating it like a precious jewel. "It's very pretty. Did mummy help you make it?" Ben nods, cuddling into her side. "Does he have a name?"

"Muff."

Effy clears her throat, trying to hold back a laugh. "It's Puff Ben. Puff the magic dragon."

"Muff." Ben corrects stubbornly. "Muff the magic dragon."

"Top choice little man." Cook compliments from the end of the table.

"Totally agree." Naomi chimes in, grinning at Katie.

Katie flips her off above Ben's head. "Katie?"

"Yes baby?"

Ben grabs the paper dragon out of Katie's hand and starts bouncing it up her arm. "I want my Rupert now."

Katie glances at Effy, but she shrugs. "What's a Rupert Ben?"

Ben balances the dragon on Katie's shoulder. "My brother."

This time it's Effy who chokes, very nearly spitting a mouthful of wine straight into Ben's face. Katie's head shoots up, but it's clear from Effy's flustered coughing fit that this is the first time she's heard of this request. Ben tugs on Katie's sleeve. "Please?"

"Uh…well, mummy and Katie…"

On the other side of the table, Emily loses it. Katie glares, but there's no stopping Emily's laughter, even as her face starts to turn red. After another few seconds of hysterics, she manages to wheeze out, "Granddad Rupert, Katie?"

"Oh shit." Katie mutters, the pieces falling into place.

"Oh sh–"

"Ben!" Cook and Naomi warn at the same time.

Katie glances at the kitchen, then turns back to Effy. "Ef, I am so so sorry. I had no idea. God, if I'd known she was telling him to–"

Effy squeezes Kate's knee under the table, still struggling to get her composure back. "It's okay. It's what parents are supposed to do, right? Want grandchildren." Katie doesn't miss the bitter undercurrent to Effy's statement. Apart from holiday visits and birthday presents, Anthea and Jim weren't all that interested in Tony or Effy's lives, and despite her arguments to the contrary, Katie knew Effy missed them, missed the feeling of family she used to have.

"I know, but what does she expect us to do? Go molest some random and break out the turkey baster?"

Effy clears her throat one final time. "She's just excited to have you home. And with…" Effy glances at Katie's stomach so quickly that she's the only who notices. "She probably thinks this is a good solution. For both of you."

"Still doesn't change the fact that she's a meddling cow." Katie huffs bitterly.

Ben spins Katie's bracelet around her wrist. "Moo."

Effy can't help the chuckle that slips out, and a few seconds later, Katie gives in with a snort of her own, the shock of the conversation wearing off as they dissolve into laughter.

Emily wipes the last of her tears off her face and tips her wine in Naomi's direction. "And that's why I'm glad you're not mother's favourite."

Naomi chinks her glass against Emily's. "Here's to being second best. May we only ever disappoint."

Three hours later, Effy pulls the door shut behind her, muting the lively conversation in the living room, and smiles down at Ben and Katie fast asleep in his race car bed.

Katie had gone to put him to bed an hour ago, and when she didn't reappear, everyone started making bets on whether Ben was pulling his three glasses of water trick or Katie had fallen asleep at 8:30 on a Friday night. Effy and Cook had won hands down, knowing that Ben would be willing to do anything to keep Katie around.

Effy sits down on the edge of the bed, tracing what little remains of the scar on Katie's temple. "Babe, wake up."

"Fuck off Ems." Katie mumbles, rolling away from Effy's hand.

Effy leans down to give Katie a kiss, purposely sliding her hand under her shoulder to stop her collision course towards Ben. Slowly, with a groan that is much more annoyance than appreciation, Katie stirs, her lips moving against Effy's in automatic reciprocation. Satisfied with her work, Effy pulls back to watch Katie's eyes open.

"You're not Emily."

"Well if that's the way she wakes you up she's got some serious explaining to do." Katie blinks, far too groggy to get the joke, and Effy offers out a hand with an amused smile. "You fell asleep. It's nine."

Effy pulls Katie into a sitting position, looking over her shoulder to check on Ben, fast asleep with his arm thrown over Tito. Effy had been locked away in institutions for six and a half months, and although she made it through, successfully proving her sanity and earning her right to freedom, it was at the expense of half a year of Ben's life.

The murder and obstruction of justice charges were dismissed under self-defence, Foster had left more than enough evidence to prove that Effy's life was in danger, but the arson was harder to escape. Various acts of fire related vandalism came back to haunt her, and without the defence of mental illness, the judge had no choice but to give Effy the mandatory sentence of 18 months in jail. He was nice enough to deduct the time spent under psychiatric observation from her total, and thanks to an overcrowded penitentiary system, her sentence was halved after three months of good behaviour. Two agonising weeks later, Effy was released on probation, sporting an ankle bracelet that Ben declared the coolest thing ever.

Effy, Cook and Katie had all been processed in Bristol, and with James away at university, Emily was guilted into staying at Jenna's three bedroom townhouse whenever one of their hearings came up. She did her best to split her time between Naomi in London and Katie in Bristol, but it was hard, and eventually it came about that Ben stayed with Jenna while Emily commuted between the two cities as often as she could.

Effy had resigned herself to moving back in with her mother upon her release, but within an hour of being home it was clear to her that Ben and Jenna were extraordinarily attached. Despite her many many reservations, and Emily's frantic headshakes behind Jenna's back, Effy was feeling just guilty enough about Katie's absence to accept Jenna's offer of a room and free babysitting. They didn't speak much at first, the tension made all that much worse with Effy's restrictive house arrest, but Jenna's affection for Ben was nothing short of spectacular. Effy's own mother had never shown such fierce devotion, to her or Ben, and it was impossible for Effy to overlook where Jenna's need to control everything came from. Love. Fear. The kind of unconditional parenting that Effy had craved her whole life.

So she let Jenna take over Ben's nightly baths, and convinced Emily to stay for dinner instead of fucking off to Gina's every chance she got, and made sure that Jenna was the first person Katie asked to speak to on her weekly call. Effy was used to winning people over, but even she was suprised when Jenna started seeking her out after dinner. She always wanted to watch some reality show, the kind of thing Katie would have had to use sexual favours to get Effy to sit through, but it was the start of something new, an acceptance that Effy wasn't going anywhere and Jenna would have to make peace with that fact to keep Ben in her life.

Katie's arms wrap around Effy from behind, hugging her tightly. "He's only three. He's not going to remember any of this."

"I will."

"I know." Katie rests her chin on Effy's shoulder. "But now he's yours. No Sean, no reports, no Foster. You've got your whole life to be with him."

Effy nods, not trusting her voice enough to speak.

Katie reaches out to fix Ben's blanket, securing it tightly around his chest. "You're a good mother Ef. You did everything you could." Effy sighs, leaning into Katie's embrace, and Katie presses a quick kiss against her cheek. "Come on." Katie grabs Effy's hand and pulls her off the bed, navigating the obstacle course of toys scattered across the floor. After a precautionary look out the door, Katie leads Effy away from the stairs and pulls her into the bathroom, flipping the lock shut behind them.

Effy raises an eyebrow as Katie hops up onto the counter, tugging on Effy's hand until she's standing between her legs. "Just what kind of girl do you take me for?"

Katie gives her a small smile, but it's clear from the expression on her face that she's brought Effy there for something much more serious. "How are you doing?"

Effy runs her hands up the outside of Katie's thighs. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"

"I'm clean and I'm at home with my family." Katie answers with none of Effy's flippancy. "I'm fine, I want to know about you." Effy ducks down for a kiss, but Katie leans away. "I asked you a question Effy."

"It's been hard. Without you." Effy admits after a pause.

"Because you missed me or because there's something else going on?" Effy bites her lip, her eyes filling with unshed tears. "Voices?"

"Twice." Katie rests her hands on Effy's hips, not holding her in place, but grounding her with physical contact. "But it's more...it's Bristol, you know? Everywhere I turn there's something to haunt me. I feel like I did that summer, like something bad is coming."

"Well if it does, we'll deal with it." Effy nods, just once, but it's enough for Katie to know she believes it. "But it might just be everything that happened in the last few years. We were always running, always on edge. Emily gave me my new mobile in the car and the first thing I did was change your name to something else. And not in a fun sexy nickname kind of way, but in a completely panicked I can't let anyone find out you're alive mindset."

"I don't know Katie, one minute I'm up, one minute I'm down." Effy takes a shaky breath. "It feels…wrong."

"Then you need to go to a doctor."

"I can't. Not when I just convinced everyone Foster was making it up."

"Then I'm going to a doctor."

Effy shakes her head. "We can't risk–"

"Not for you, for me." Katie smiles at the confusion on Effy's face. "Oh, didn't I tell you? Turns out I have all the textbook symptoms of borderline schizophrenia. Luckily I have this fucking fit girlfriend who I tell everything to. So much so she knows exactly how I'm feeling, what I'm going through and if my meds are working the way I need them to."

Effy frowns, thinking it through. "But what if I have an episode?"

"Then you're going to the hospital, consequences be damned." Katie stills her hands and looks Effy straight in the eye. "I'm not saying I know what it's like, but I've seen your good days and bad days, and we've been through this enough times for me to be able to describe what happens. If you think you can tell me what's going on, I can parrot it back to a doctor, word for word. We need to get you your medications babe, one way or another."

"I don't…" Effy hesitates, a conflicted expression on her face. Katie doesn't say anything, just stares back at Effy with bright eyes and determination. The kind of determination Effy hasn't seen in a long time. "Thank you."

"Always." Katie leans up to give Effy a soft kiss. "You know, we're getting kind of good at this relationship thing. Think we should go rob a bank to keep it going?"

"Extortion is so much more my style."

"Okay, so we blackmail someone into robbing a bank. Totally hot, right?" Effy smiles, but there's something in the way Katie says it that makes it less of a joke and more of a question. The same question Effy has been wrestling with for eight months.

"We can do it Katie."

Katie's sighs, dropping her hands from Effy. "Can we? Don't get me wrong, I want to be with you…but we've been apart almost as long as we've been together. We haven't been sober at the same time since Roundview. And with the police and Sean we had no choice but to stick together, you know? What if it's going to be different now that everything's changed?"

"Does it feel different?"

"No."

"Then there's your answer." Effy hesitates, then reaches for Katie's hand. "But it's okay if you're having second thoughts. You haven't exactly been–" The rest of Effy's statement disappears into a heated kiss.

After a few seconds, Katie pulls back, raising an eyebrow in Effy's direction. "Enough of an answer for you?"

"No." Effy tangles her hand in Katie's hair. "Tell me again."

Katie laughs, grabbing a handful of Effy's shirt to crash their lips together. "I've missed you."

"Yeah, you're alright." Effy dodges the predictable swipe and captures Katie's hand, pinning it against the cupboard above their heads. "Maybe a bit more than alright."

Katie pouts. "Just a bit?"

"Okay, a lot. A football pitch more than alright." Katie squints at the analogy. "Uh, yeah. I've been forced to do a lot of male bonding with Cook and Ben in your absence."

"All I'm hearing is 'Katie, let's go shopping'."

"What you should be hearing is 'Katie, let's go shopping for sexy lingerie'." Katie drags Effy into a kiss that ends up a lot filthier than either of them expect. "You know, I was planning to be romantic."

"Yeah?" Katie breathes as Effy's hand slides under the front of her shirt.

Effy nods, forcefully shoving Katie's bra out the way, the warmth of real skin a thousand times better than the fantasies she's been burning through in her head. "Sheets. Candles. Barry Manilow."

Katie smiles. "One, we don't actually have a bed. Two, you're legally forbidden from lighting a candle. And three, if you actually put Barry Manilow on I wouldn't stop laughing. Ever."

"Huh." Effy leans down with a breath of air that makes them both shiver. "Then I guess what I actually meant by romantic was fucking you in your mother's bathroom with everyone sitting downstairs." Katie digs her nails into Effy's shoulder for her comment, but can't exactly defend herself. "I've missed you so much." Effy whispers into Katie's skin, sliding her hand under Katie's skirt. "And I've been dreaming about this moment for–" They both jump when a knock sounds on the door. "Fuck." Effy groans, dropping her forehead to Katie's shoulder.

"Say something." Katie hisses anxiously.

Effy lifts her head, giving Katie's knee a reassuring squeeze. "I'm in here."

"For fuck sakes Ef, what are you doing? I need a piss."

Katie relaxes at the sound of Cook's voice, her legs slipping from around Effy's waist. Effy catches her knee and holds her in place. "What–"

Effy leans forward to give Katie a gentle kiss. "I love you. And I'm really happy you're home."

Katie almost tears up at Effy's words, the word 'happy' seldom falling from her lips, and never with so much sincerity. "I love you too."

"Hello? Ef?" Cook's thumps on a whole new level of exasperation. "Come on mate, I'm absolutely bursting."

Effy sighs, reluctantly pulling her hand away as she leans over to unlock the door. Cook barges in, pausing only for a split second when he finds both of them in there, before lifting the toilet seat and unzipping his fly. Katie glares at Effy, squirming around to get her skirt and thong back into place. "A little warning would have been nice."

Effy shrugs, reaching up to smooth out Katie's hair. "It's just Cook."

Cook flashes his cock at them both. "Cheers."

Katie grunts, "It's a wonder Ben has manners at all."

"That's what Fitches are for." Effy replies without much concern, sweeping Katie's hair to the side to get a good look at her neck. "Sweet."

Katie twists so she can see herself in the mirror, groaning when she finds a massive hickey. "Effy." Katie rubs at the mark, making it even bigger. "My mum is going to see this." Katie leans in to the mirror to inspect the damage close up. "And you have teeth like a fucking vampire."

Cook flushes the toilet and moves towards the sink, eying them with a great deal of amusement. "Whatcha been up to?"

"Painting our nails." Effy holds up her right hand, wiggling her fingers. "See?" Katie smacks it down, but not before Cook catches a glimpse of its stickiness.

"Nice one."

Katie rolls her eyes at the respectful nod Cook and Effy share. They were as ridiculous as each other, and Katie couldn't count the number of times she'd been stuck listening to them try to one up each other with sex stories. Often with her in the starring role.

"It's your funeral." Katie frowns at Effy's seemingly random comment, before a cold spray of water hits her straight in the chest. She lets out a girly shriek and leaps off the counter, darting to Effy's side.

Cook laughs, his thumb expertly pressed against the tap. "A little wet there Katiekins?"

"That was freezing you dick." Katie gripes, peeling the wet fabric off her tits. Her action distracts Effy enough for Cook to spring forward and dry his hands on the front of her shirt. Effy shoves him away, but it's not fast enough to avoid a wet handprint on each side of her cleavage.

Cook steps back to view his masterpieces. "Like the Mona Lisa."

Katie grunts, reaching for a towel. "Sleep with one eye open James." She pulls off her soaked shirt and bra and wraps herself in the towel, looking up to find Cook and Effy staring at her partially exposed chest. "Seriously?"

"Eight months." Effy offers by way of explanation.

Cook shrugs, "Cook."

"Useless pervs." Katie grumbles as she hops back up onto the counter, pulling the towel tightly around herself.

"Don't worry baby, I'll warm you up."

Katie scowls at Effy's mocking tone, but can't bring herself to refuse the body heat. "I hope you know I'm just using you for your warmth, you traitor."

Effy crosses the room and slips her hands under Katie's towel, rubbing at her sides. "I can live with that."

Cook watches their interaction with a grin. He might not be with them now, but he knows how grumpy Katie gets when she hasn't come and what Effy's like when she's all revved up, and he fully intends to torment them both.

While they're distracted with their loved up looks and sexual tension, Cook lies down in the bath, propping a foot up on each side of the tap. "Well isn't this nice. All three of us. Here. Together."

They both turn to look at him, Katie sporting a look of sappy fondness, Effy a lot more like murderous intent. "Don't you have a cop to go pine over?"

Cook stretches out. "Nope."

"Make a move James, she's totally into you." Katie advises, slapping at Effy's wandering hands.

"Oh he already has." Effy changes tactics and pulls Katie tightly against her, every inch of Katie's front pressed into her own. "They've been fucking for weeks."

"How did you…" Cook groans as Effy gives him an incredibly smug smirk. "Because I just told you."

"Details." Katie orders, flashing a little side boob in her excitement.

Effy follows Cook's distracted gaze and jerks Katie's towel back into place. "Forbidden love. Long nights at the station. A rainy walk home?"

"I told her she had mint tits, but sure."

Effy steps back to scrutinise Katie's chest. "Better than these babies?"

Katie slaps the back of Effy's head. "Watch it. Your fingers aren't that talented."

"Quality mate." Cook is oblivious to Effy's yelp as she gets hit again. "Blow your load hot." Cook smiles to himself, clearly reliving some of his better memories. "And she definitely knows how to take charge." As if the very thought startles him out of his daydreams, Cook jolts up in the tub. "But you can't tell anyone! I promised her I wouldn't tell you about us. She testified in my case and we'd both be fucked if someone finds out about a personal connection."

Surprisingly, Cook had faired the best out of the three of them. Most of the charges against him had taken place while he was a young offender, and with a selfless act of bravery, a slow recovery and an obvious improvement in maturity on the record, he walked away with 120 hours of community service and a stern warning that there would be no second chances. He started off living with his mother, but it had lasted less than a week, and after striking out with both JJ and Karen, he ended up back at Gina's, sleeping in the spare room he and Katie had shared all those years ago. Cook and Adrian's weekly meeting to go over the series of events continued on past his trial, and what started off as a mystery for Adrian to solve soon became the simple story of a boy searching for something to call his own.

Effy smirks, already knowing that Cook knows they won't say word. "Admit it, you're just in it for the handcuffs."

"They're not without their perks." Cook agrees, pulling out a well made spliff.

"Cook…" Katie starts warily, and suddenly the happy bubble they've made comes crashing down.

Cook sits up, pulling the spliff from his lips. "Shit. I'm sorry babe, I wasn't thinking."

"No, I didn't mean…" Katie sighs. "I was thinking about Ef. Because she's a dangerous criminal and all that?" Katie tries for humour but it's not quite there.

Effy rubs her back, feeling the tension in her muscles. "They don't make me do drug tests. But it's probably not a good idea." Cook nods, pocketing the spliff.

"You don't have to…" Katie rubs her forehead, looking nothing like the girl from a minute ago. "Please don't stop because of me."

"Nah, I'm all good." Cook assures, settling back in the tub.

"No, but–"

"Cook's a boring tosser when he's stoned anyway."

"You're not so riveting yourself Ms. Lets Talk About Particles." Cook argues lightly, but his eyes are nowhere near as relaxed as his words.

Effy gives Katie a tense smile. "See? We don't need it to have fun."

"Thank you Headmistress Stonem." Katie replies with a heavy sigh. "Look, I appreciate the concern, but you two have never hesitated to call me on my shit before. I'm never going to forget what happened, but I don't want to live my life in fear, hiding from everything that could possibly tempt me. If you want to smoke, then smoke. I'll feel better about myself if I can say no."

Cook and Effy exchange a look, before Cook climbs out of the bathtub. "Katie, you were in a bad place. And I hated it. Every fucking second of it. But if I had to, I would do it all over again. So giving up weed and sticking close to home for a bit? It's nothing. So insignificant in comparison to having you back."

"You saved my life Cook. You don't need to do any more."

Cook leans down to catch Katie's downcast eyes. "Then we're just about even." Effy nods, reaching for Katie's hand. "It's a disease Katie. One that you played a role in, but we all know you never wanted things to be that way."

Katie swallows, her eyes filling with tears. "But I was so horrible. The way we broke up and the things we used to fight about…"

"Piss under the bridge." Cook wraps his arms around them both. "You two are too important to me, you know? The best family I've got."

Katie rests her head against Cook's chest. "Thank you."

"And I've seen you both naked. So really, we're all benefiting from this relationship in equal amounts."

"Democracy at its finest." Effy replies dryly, regretting it when Cook reaches over and starts ruffling her hair. "Cook!" Trapped between him and Katie, Effy can't do much but smack at his hand. "Stop, Cook! I give!"

"Nu uh." Katie chastises, catching Effy's hands in her own. "You're getting some serious payback." Katie nods at Cook over Effy's shoulder, but what Katie expects to be an one man takedown ends up being two as Cook grabs them both around the waist and tackles them to the floor. "James!" Katie squeals as he gets a hold of her ankle and pins her legs under his chest, holding Effy between his thighs.

"If your dick ends up anywhere near my mouth I'm biting." Effy warns, wriggling under him in a less than dignified way.

"I thought you were hardened prison broads?" Cook challenges without a drop of sweat on his brow. "Stop being pussies, make me your bitch."

"Grab his balls!" Katie instructs, desperately trying to squirm away from the hand tickling at her side.

"Like that's not going to make him happier than he already is." Effy twists in her hold. "Distract him with your tits."

"No, grab his balls!"

"No, show him your tits!"

"Best fight in history or what?" Cook polls the people standing in the door.

Katie and Effy lift their heads and find Emily and Naomi staring back at them. "Well this explains the banging." Emily offers after an awkward pause.

"Does it?" Naomi questions skeptically, eying Katie's half-covered chest.

"I got wet – my shirt got wet." Katie readjusts her towel and pushes Cook off her. "Whatever, I don't need to explain this to you. Obviously we were playing around."

"Shame." Everyone turns to look at the third person leaning against the door. "You three could have won me some serious money at the station."

"Well there was this one night." Cook replies casually.

Effy crawls out from underneath Cook's thighs. "That didn't happen."

"Ever." Katie confirms, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Told you." Naomi shoots in Emily's direction.

"Can we move on?" Emily begs as she steps into the room. "Immediately?"

"Mummy?" A small voice breaks in from behind Adrian.

"I'm here." Effy holds out her hand towards Ben. "What's wrong sweetheart?"

"I hear yelling." Ben plonks down in Effy's lap, looking up at her accusingly. "You're not supposed to yell."

"I'm sorry. Mummy, Katie and James were being bad."

"Grandma's going to put you on the naughty-boy chair." Ben informs matter-of-factly. "And you're not allowed to cry."

"I'll be sure to keep it in mind." Effy replies with as sincere a look as she can manage. Adrian joins her on the floor, sitting a respectable distance away from Cook, and Effy shoots him a conspiring grin, Adrian's rather chilled reaction to a threesome putting points in both their books.

"Ignore them." Katie advises when Adrian catches the exchange out the corner of her eye. "They're not like the rest of us."

"Superior beings," Cook confirms with a nod. "We go all night long."

"Allllll night long!" Ben cheers loudly.

"Sorry Romeo, you're not going all night long for a very long time." Effy tickles Ben's stomach, hugging him as he squirms around. "And it is way past your bedtime."

"No." Ben argues with a giggle.

Effy taps his nose. "Yes. Come on, I'll come tuck you in."

"No, Katie."

Katie hops off the counter. "Katie please."

Effy kisses Ben's forehead then sets him on his feet. "Go on. I'll see you in the morning."

"Mummy too." Ben states with a frown. "And James, and Naomy, and Emily." Ben looks at Adrian. "And she."

"Adrian." Effy corrects gently. "And you can't have everyone. Pick two."

Ben sniffs. "No."

Effy sighs, rubbing his back. "Everyone will be here to play with you tomorrow. No one's going away." Ben looks at her pitifully, his eyes overrunning with tears. Effy glances at Emily and Naomi who nod, and then Adrian who gives her a shrug. "One story."

Ben takes a running leap at Cook, his tears suddenly nowhere in sight. "Funny voices James!" Cook hoists Ben over his shoulder and stands, offering out a hand to help Adrian off the floor.

Katie makes her way over to Effy's side as Cook turns Ben upside down and zooms out of the room, Adrian, Naomi and Emily following in their wake.. "You do know you just got owned by a three year old, right?"

"I'm going with the line I was going to say yes all along." Effy shakes her head. "God help me in ten years."

Katie slips her hand into Effy's. "I reckon we can handle it."

Effy can't help the smile that breaks out on her face, the possibilities of their future finally feeling real. "You know, when I said I wanted to take you to bed this isn't exactly what I had in mind."

"You mean you didn't think it would be with a cop, Cook, my sister and Naomi Campbell?"

"Mmm..." Effy leans against the doorframe to watch as everyone crowds around Ben on his bed. "I guess nothing's ever perfect."

Katie tugs her forward, "Except for the moments when everything is."


End file.
